By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

This piece marks the first time I’m going out of my way to soften my words a bit. That’s not to say I’m regularly in the habit of offending people, or being “edgy.” But as far as Star Wars fanboys are concerned, this topic tends to be a bit heated at times. And as I’ve learned in the past, passionate fans can occasionally turn into rabid ones. *sigh* Okay, here we go…

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace returns to theaters this month, this time in 3D. Because even though George Lucas is tired of being ridiculed about the quality of his newer films, he certainly isn’t opposed to making additional money off them. I’m interested to see how much the movie pulls in during it’s stay, as The Phantom Menace was unquestionably the least well received of the Star Wars films. Even Lucas himself has talked about that.

It’s been well documented that the majority of die-hard Star Wars fans harbor negative feelings toward Menace that range from simple dislike to pure loathing. Hell, there’ve been entire films dedicated to just how bad people think this movie is. Red Letter Media did a video review of the film that’s nearly as  long as the movie itself. Yeesh…

By now, you’ve likely heard the common complaints: 1. Jar Jar Binks is an annoying cartoon character placed in the movie solely to appeal to kids. 2. Jake Lloyd’s acting is as bad as it is cheesy. 3. Darth Maul is the coolest character in the movie, but doesn’t get enough screen time. 4. The Force should be a spiritual gift, as opposed to biological one, which we learn about in this movie. And those are just a few.

But here’s the thing, and this is where it might get messy…I really don’t have much of a problem with The Phantom Menace. In terms of it’s execution, I think a lot of the dialogue (specifically the lines coming from Anakin and Jar Jar) is corny. But for my money it’s not half as bad as some of the stuff we got in Attack of the Clones, and especially Revenge of the Sith.

It took me years to break out of my state of denial about the prequels, and the fact that they are indeed of questionable quality. For the longest time I had this blind loyalty to George Lucas and the Star Wars universe because of how much the original films meant to me. But enough time has passed and I’ve grown up enough that I can finally be honest with myself about this. Not bitter or cynical, as a lot of fans are, but honest. And this is my honest opinion of The Phantom Menace.

1. A Kid’s Movie
Many moviegoers, perhaps understandably, questioned why we even needed to see Darth Vader as a young child. I remember when Attack of the Clones came out, some fans were saying that movie should have been Episode I, so that Lucas and his cohorts could have more time to explore Anakin’s turn to the dark side, the Clone Wars, etc. Menace takes place about 32 years before the events of the original film. Did we really need to go back that far? In the past, George Lucas has said things to the effect of: “The story simply is what it is.” Well, not necessarily. You wrote the story, you can change the story. Lucas certainly knows a thing or two about changing his creations…

Hindsight is always 20/20, of course. But if the story you’re going to go with is that at 8-years-old, this slave boy was discovered by warriors, taken from his mother and thrust into this intergalactic conflict, thus beginning his descent into darkness, it makes sense for us to actually see that separation. That way, we’re sitting next to Anakin during his entire journey, as opposed to entering in the middle. By doing that, we’re seeing that Anakin wasn’t born as this unstable individual on the path to bloody murder. At one point, he was a good person. That’s important to establish.

How well our look into Anakin’s childhood was executed? That’s another story. It wasn’t perfect. Anakin’s big “yipee!” after discovering that he’s leaving this barren desert world of child labor and slavery is a bit…awkward. Some fans also had a problem with the fact that he got in the starfighter and blew up the big ship at the end. That never bothered me, personally. We had established that this kid had Jedi talents, and he was already a skilled pilot. Plus, he didn’t even blow the ship up intentionally! His ship was shot down, and he ended up crashing INSIDE the damn thing. Far fetched? Maybe. But it’s a movie. Give it a break.

I would also take issue with people who’ve said Lloyd was a bad actor. He wasn’t Haley Joel Osment, but he wasn’t supposed to be. This 8 or 9-year-old kid was saying the lines that had been written for him, and doing the things he was directed to do. Who wrote those lines? Who was sitting in the director’s chair? George Lucas. When the buck stops with you, as it does with Lucas on almost all things Star Wars, inevitably so does all the criticism. If I’m not mistaken, The Phantom Menace was the first movie Lucas had done the actual screenplay for since Return of the Jedi in ’80s (and even then he had help from Lawrence Kasdan), and the first film he’d directed since the ORIGINAL Star Wars film in the ’70s! If I had to pick one factor to point to as the major cause of the prequels being inferior to the original films, it would be Lucas hogging both the pen and the director’s chair. For whatever reason, it worked in A New Hope, but the prequels suffered for it. So if you want to gripe about Jake Lloyd’s scenes in this movie, which really aren’t that bad to begin with, gripe about the man in the flannel shirt sitting in the director’s chair.

2. “Meesa Called Jar Jar Binks”
Even as a kid, I remember being amazed at how much grief this film got over Jar Jar Binks. Is he a bit over the top sometimes? Absolutely. When he does the big dive into the water during the first half of the movie? Too much. Also too far: When he shouts at Qui-Gon about “When’a yousa thinkin’ weesa in trouble?” But I never thought he was even remotely as annoying as other people thought he was. Maybe it’s the fact that I was fairly young when I saw this movie. Maybe I was just more tolerant of this kind of thing. Either way, I was mostly fine with the character.

The common thread running through the majority of the complaints is that he was too clowny and too childish. I can understand that complaint. The original films managed to get their humor across without having characters that were in the film specifically for that reason. And I suppose on some level Jar Jar’s humor feels a bit forced. At the very least, Jar Jar was something never seen before in a Star Wars film.

In defending his use of Jar Jar, Lucas at one point told BBC News: ”There is a group of fans for the films that doesn’t like comic sidekicks. They want the films to be tough like Terminator, and they get very upset and opinionated about anything that has anything to do with being childlike. The movies are for children but they don’t want to admit that. In the first film they absolutely hated R2 and C-3PO. In the second film they didn’t like Yoda and in the third one they hated the Ewoks… and now Jar Jar is getting accused of the same thing.”

I can’t say for sure whether the droids and Yoda actually felt a backlash. The Ewoks definitely had one. But none of them even felt a portion of the wrath that Jar Jar has felt. The main thing I can say in defense of this character is that I saw this movie in the theater three times. Each time, the kids loved Jar Jar. For that young demographic, he was one of the best parts of the movie. I suppose what I would say to avid Jar Jar haters is to remember when you first fell in love with Star Wars. For most fans, it was when they were children. So, think about how your younger self have reacted to this character, and be honest…

Heesa not great, but heesa not so bad.

3. Jedi, Sith and Lip-Syncing
I’ve always enjoyed Liam Neeson’s presence in this movie. He always plays mentor characters rather well, and as we’ve learned in the last few years with movies like Taken and The Grey, he makes a great bad ass. In The Phantom Menace we get both.

Darth Maul obviously played a huge role in the marketing of this movie, which to an extent was not a good thing, as he gets considerably less screen time than you’d expect for a character advertised so heavily. Still, he’s become one of the most recognizable characters in the entire series, and most fans agree that the fight between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul is great.

One thing I’ve always complained about is that the lip syncing for Nute Gunray and Rune Haako sucks. If I could change anything in this movie in terms of the special effects, it would be that. Thankfully we don’t see them enough for it to be a hugely memorable problem.

Also, during the scene near the beginning of the movie where the Jedi are being shot at by the destroyer droids, there’s a brief moment where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan do a Force-induced dash away from the blaster fire. But when they do it we only see them from a distance, and initially I actually wondered if it was an editing error. I’d have clarified that moment a bit.

Will I see The Phantom Menace in 3D? Probably not, but that’s not because I have anything against the movie. It’s because I think, as Roger Ebert once said, “It’s a waste of a dimension” and “it adds nothing to the experience.” But George can always hear that money train coming, and when it comes to Star Wars, it’s never too late to jump on. In all honesty, I hope it does well. It may be a marketing slogan, but there’s really nothing like seeing Star Wars on the big screen.

Front page image from insideturnedout.blogspot.com. Image 1 from pariscine.com. Image 2 from starcasm.com. Image 3 from screened.com. Image 4 from hiphopjedi.blogspot.com. Image 5 from petergett.com. Image 6 from joblo.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. At Least It’s Hot a Happy Madison Movie
Okay Rob Schneider, I want you to know that I tried. I really did. What’s more, I was on your side! I recognize that you’re actually a talented performer, in spite of some of the terrible movies you’ve been in. You can be the best actor or comedian in the world, but if the lines you’re given to say are bad, people are going to crap on you. And hey, for what it’s worth, The Hot Chick wasn’t SO bad. It wasn’t good at all, but it wasn’t terrible. Middle ground…

But this new CBS sitcom, Rob? It deserves to be crapped on. I take no joy in saying that, but I didn’t take much joy in watching it either. The premise of the show is that Schneider’s character (same first name) marries a younger Hispanic woman, and tries to fit in with her big family. It’s actually semi-autobiographical, as last year Schneider married a Hispanic television producer. Cheech Marin is in the cast as Rob’s father.

Rob comes off like something of a bad ensemble play (I would know, having been in a couple). Everybody’s trying hard, bless their hearts. But the content is so cliche it’s actually insulting. It’s filled with bad jokes about guacamole, border-hopping, sangria, mixed with some bad slapstick. For instance, there’s a scene where Rob is looking at a candle-lit memorial in the family’s home, and he manages to drop a lit candle on his crotch. He drops trou, only to have his wife’s grandmother walk in. She screams, and he winds up wrestling around with her a bit to try to quiet her down. In the process he winds up bending her over the bed. Just then, his wife and Cheech Marin walk in. His response: “There’s a simple explanation really. See…I poured hot wax on my genitals.” It’s the sort of stuff that might seem funny on paper, but in practice it’s very contrived an unnatural.

Interestingly enough, the premiere of Rob did very well from a ratings standpoint, with 13.5 million viewers. Granted, it had a lot of help from The Big Bang Theory, much drew much of the audience, who apparently stuck around for Schneider’s show. But now that they’ve had a taste of the show, I’m interested to see if they stick around. My guess? They’ll spit it out like dysentery-filled Mexican water.

2. New 52, New Logo
If there’s one company that’s been undergoing a bit of a re-branding in recent years, it’s DC Comics. In 2009, the publisher received a new parent company, DC Entertainment, designed to push its characters into the limelight a great deal more. This year the company began day-and-date digital publishing, which moved the market even further into the electronic age. It also pulled off it’s risky, yet so far effective, “New 52″ movement which revamped the continuity of all the superhero books. Now, DC has trademarked a new logo, making way for the second change to the image in less than a decade.

Any time a big company like DC changes their logo, you’re going to have people complaining. In 2005, when they changed the classic four-stars logo to the current single-star image, people cried fowl. I actually really like the current one. It’s a nice extension of the previous logos. But even as someone who tries to avoid being jaded about stuff like this, this new logo is pretty bland. So it’s peeled up, like a page in a comic book. I get it. It’s still bland and boring, but I get it.

Will it make or break the company either way? Of course not. But it’d be nice for DC to have a logo that reflects the vibrance and excitement that readers often find in its content. From this one you’d think they were trying to sell us office supplies.

3. Mr. Evil Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It…
I have a bone to pick with doctors. No, not medical doctors. That’s another story for another day. I’m talking about academic doctors. Specifically, the kind who never went to proctology school, but probably should have, as they seem to have something rather large jammed up their anal cavity.

Last week, I went to see a professor at the university I attend on a part-time basis. I’m not in a class with this individual, but I needed his signature on a document. I’d never met him before, but our exchanges had been pleasant, and for the most part this one was too. But there was one small exchange that has been nagging at me .

When I arrived at his office, I stuck my head in, knocked on his door and said: “Mr. [Name]?”

He looks up at me and says: “Dr. [Name]. Yes?”

That’s it. That’s all that’s bugging me. The fact that he corrected me when I called him Mr. [Name] instead of Dr. [Name].” This has happened to me before, too. I once had a professor make a point out to me in an email that his official title was “Doctor,” and that I should refer to him as such.

Look, I get it. You went to school for a long time, and worked very hard. My brother’s working on his doctorate right now, so I’m sort of in tune with it. But you some of you academic doctors out there need to understand that when somebody doesn’t refer to you by that title, they’re not disrespecting you. When we’re addressing someone formally, usually our instinct is to go with Mr. or Mrs. It’s just a habit. Heck, a lot of folks simply speak to people on a first name basis, so feel lucky if we’re addressing you formally at all! Yes, I’m sure it’s cool to put the word “Doctor” in front of your name. But if you force the issue it can make you seem smug or uppity, which you may not be at all. I’d have thought that someone who had acquired such a large base of knowledge would have figured that out…

Just give me a pass the first two or three times you see me, okay? Spend enough time with me so that I can at least figure out that you have a doctorate before you start correcting me. That’s all I’m asking.

Front page image from nydailynews.com. Image 1 from washingtonpost.com. Image 2 from bleedingcool.com. Image 3 from atheistconnect.org. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Watchmen 2 – Live Free Or Die Watching
For the record, I credit that title to Steve McCarthy. He came up with it the night we saw the Watchmen movie.

Rumors have been abound these past few weeks about the possibility of DC Comics publishing a handful of Watchmen prequel miniseries titles. These rumors came to a head late last month when some artwork by Joe Kubert was leaked online Andy Kubert, as was a piece by J.G. Jones and a piece by Amanda Conner. The art would later be removed via request from DC Entertainment. Also reportedly attached to the project, allegedly codenamed “Panic Room,” are Watchmen penciller Dave Gibbons, J. Michael Straczynski, Darwyn Cooke, and John Higgins. Watchmen writer Alan Moore, not surprisingly, has balked at the concept and will not be involved.

I’m not thrilled at the concept of new Watchmen content. Obviously, there’s not even the slightest bit of need for it. But as with any property in any area of the entertainment industry, it’s all about money. There’s still money to be made with Watchmen, especially on the comic book page. Chances are, most of the people taking the time to buy comics have at least a passing knowledge of Watchmen, and would consider spending money on a new project. I’d wager a lot of the fans currently ranting and raving about it would pick it up just to see what was being done.

But after all these years, can anybody write a definitive sequel to Watchmen besides Alan Moore? No. Even with Dave Gibbons along for the ride, obviously so much of the success of Watchmen was about Alan Moore’s voice. I’d wager that even with the best talents in the industry on your side, you can’t duplicate that. You can emulate it, but you can’t duplicate it. For a book like Watchmen, that’s not enough.

This isn’t to say that subsequent Watchmen books will hurt the original. Heck, it’ll probably make the die-hards cling to it even harder. Odd as this sounds, I compare it to Disney doing sequels to their classic films, i.e. Bambi II, Cinderella II, The Fox and the Hound II, etc. When you first hear about them, they prompt chuckles as oppose to intrigue. But you forget about them after awhile, and eventually they become interesting little factoids. I suspect such will be the fate of any additional Watchmen content DC cooks up. Not every story is meant to inspire a blockbuster Hollywood-style trilogy.

In a perfect world, Watchmen would be left to sit upon its pedestal as arguably (though without much argument) the greatest graphic novel of all time, which to this day represents the pinnacle of what this medium can achieve. But alas, with DC attempting to reinvent itself amidst an industry-wide drop in sales figures, the comic book industry must once again look to Rorschach and say: “Save us.”

Sadly, he can’t say, “No.”

2. Fanboy Tattoos
I’ve been on a tattoo kick for awhile now. Which is to say I don’t have one, but when I see one I’ll show a bit more of my usual silent appreciation for it.

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever get a tattoo, for no other reason than I just don’t see myself as a tattoo kind of guy. Whenever I think tattoos, the person that comes to mind is always The Undertaker of WWE fame (shown right). Now HE’s a tattoo kind of guy. His tattoos help him command attention and respect. That’s not to say all tattoos should inspire that feeling, but he’s a guy who can pull off that look. I’d be afraid of becoming just another poser walking around with a tribal tattoo. Incidentally, I can’t stand tribal tattoos. Every time I see one I want to walk up to the person in question and ask: “Hey. What tribe do you belong to?”

Fanboy communities certainly have their fair share of tattoos. Somehow I’ve seen more among Star Wars fans than anyone else. I suppose George Lucas has taken up ad space everywhere else, so it only makes sense for him to start advertising on human bodies. But the gaming community certainly seems open to it, and I’ve seen more than my fair share of comic book tattoos out there.

Maybe I’m simply not hardcore enough, but I can’t imagine ever tattooing something fanboy-related on my body. For me, it comes back to laying in a morgue someday at (God willing) 80 or 90-something years old, and having somebody look me over, and wonder what the Chewbacca tattoo on my calf is supposed to stand for. What’s more, you just know some of those tattoo artists are laughing at you when you leave the parlor. “Hey Flloyd! I just tattooed a Care Bear under somebody’s arm! I’m serious, bro!”

I once knew a girl who, as a tribute to me, wanted to get a bunch of bats tattooed on her back (because I’m such a Batman fan). I was flat out terrified. If I don’t want a fanboy tattoo, what makes you think I’ll enjoy one on you!!!!

To each their own, I suppose. The conviction it takes to attribute part of your body to something you love so much is certainly admirable. I just don’t think I could ever do it. Maybe if I ever become a wrestling star with an undead gimmick, that’ll change my mind…

Front page image from themoviescult.gr. Image 1 from garbledtransmission.com. Image 2 from brokenvoicecomics.blogspot.com. Image 3 from wwfpictures.blogspot.com. Image 4 from whoartnow.hubpages.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Let’s be honest: By many standards, 2011 was strictly okay at best. A lot of stuff sucked, both in the real world and the world of entertainment. But there were silver linings to be found: We finally got Bin Laden, Marvel had a great year at the movies, Kim Jong Il is gone, Beavis and Butt-head came back, US troops were finally withdrawn from Iraq, CM Punk cut one of the best worked shoot promos ever on live TV, Rod Blagojevich paid the price for his role in the corruption of Illinois politics, the DC Universe reboot happened, we got some cool music, we got the definitive Batman game in Arkham City, among other notable achievements.

But now it’s time to look to the future! Yes, certain things will suck in 2012. But let’s try and find that silver lining. Here are a few things we can look forward to in 2012…

1. Laughing At People Who Think The World Is Ending
Hey everybody! Y2K is back! Yes, because the ancient Mayan Long Count calendar comes to an end on December 21, 2012, many are pointing to that day in fear of cataclysmic events, the end of the world, etc. Hollywood even cranked out a movie based on the “2012 phenomenon,” starring John Cusack. And boy, I can not wait to let out a big guffaw when that day gets here and NOTHING happens. I’ll actually have to be careful that the sheer amount of laughter generated by my body doesn’t trigger some kind of cataclysmic event. Boy would THAT be ironic…

2. The First Major Superhero Crossover Flick
If The Avengers isn’t one of the best, if not THE best superhero movie ever made, Marvel will have REALLY screwed up. Thankfully, when it comes to movies they don’t seem to be in that habit. The Iron Man movies, Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor were all really good, and The Incredible Hulk was pretty decent. We’ve got an all-star cast lined up, and in Joss Whedon we’ve got a director who knows his way around superheroes, science fiction and fantasy. When The Avengers opens, the world’s eyes are going to be on Marvel more than ever. To say the least, it’s a high stakes, high pressure situation. But the stars seem to be aligning for this movie, and I’m expecting great things. Before it’s all said and done, Marvel may make true believers out of everybody.

Meanwhile, in a true case of “everybody wins,” DC is pulling out their heaviest hitter in response…

3. The Dark Knight Strikes Again
As I said last week, I’m a bit worried about The Dark Knight Rises having “third movie syndrome.” But it’s piqued my curiosity regardless. The simple fact that this is another Christopher Nolan Batman film makes it a big deal, as Nolan and his crew have done so much justice to the Batman mythology, and made these movies so damn thrilling to watch. If The Avengers wasn’t coming out, The Dark Knight Rises would undoubtedly be the most anticipated film of 2012.

4. More Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters From IDW
As a child of the ’80s, when IDW started their Ghostbusters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ongoing titles, I naturally rushed to check them out. But I never expected that they would jump near the top of my weekly stack the way they have. With the work of fan favorite artist Dan Shoening, combined with a writing style that’s as close to the movies as we’re ever going to get, Ghostbusters has proven itself to be the best comic book version of the boys in gray that I’ve ever read. Meanwhile, Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz and Dan Duncan seem to be doing something I’ve always wanted to see done with the Ninja Turtles: They’re picking and choosing the things that have worked well in various other incarnations of the Turtles, and merging them into one series. We’ve got elements from the ’80s cartoon, mixed with a tone that’s reminiscent of both the Mirage Studios comics and the 2003 TV show, helmed by Eastman, who co-created the original comic book! It’s really a treat to read, and it’s only getting better.

5. The Rock vs. John Cena
When these two finally lock up at Wrestlemania XXVIII, the wrestling world will quake. That’s what happened 10 years ago when The Rock faced Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania, and that’s what’s going to happen this time. But it’s more than that. To many longtime wrestling fans, John Cena epitomizes the stale nature of today’s WWE product. He’s PG, he’s PC, and he’s hated by many over it. These are the fans who chant “Cena sucks!” at live events, and greet Cena with a chorus of boos when he enters an arena. In contrast, many of these same fans grew up when The Rock was at the top of the wrestling world, and have desperately missed the electricity and charisma he brings to the product. At this year’s Wrestlemania, it’s not just icon vs. icon. It’s about two generations colliding. It’s about the “Attitude Era” vs. the “PG Era.” It’s about what the fans want from their wrestling. And I can’t wait.

Front page image from movies.sky.com. Image 1 from hollywoodgo.com. Image 2 from blogomatic3000.com. Image 3 from undertheradarmag.com. Image 5 from fanpop.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Well, it’s finally here! A trailer for The Dark Knight Rises that gives us a look at Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, Tom Hardy as Bane, and the story itself. If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look before we dive in.

I remember seeing one of the first trailers for The Dark Knight, where we saw Heath Ledger’s Joker for the first time.   The trailer was an experience in and of itself, as it was our long-awaited payoff after the final scene in Batman Begins. Plus, seeing Ledger’s Joker was obviously amazing. It was simply a well done, suspenseful piece of film that left me clamoring for more. I don’t have that same feeling with this one. Initially, that made me nervous that TDKR has a case of “third movie syndrome” (see The Godfather Part III, Spider-Man 3, X-Men: The Last Stand, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, etc). But it’s actually starting to grow on me, and I’ve found myself with a renewed anticipation for it.

Though it’s inevitable, it’s not necessarily fair to compare TDKR to The Dark Knight. The latter had more going for it in terms of Batman mythology, i.e. characters that a lot of people knew. We had The Joker and Two-Face, arguably the two most notorious enemies Batman has. The Joker is certainly the most famous. These were two of the characters everybody wanted to see after Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight delivered on just about every conceivable level. A story like that is tremendously difficult to follow, and it’s going to prove tremendously difficult for TDKR to step out of it’s predecessor’s shadow.

Still, one of the many things I give Nolan’s Batman films endless credit for is the fact that they’ve made Bruce Wayne’s personal journey a pivotal part of this saga. In Batman Begins, he became the hero and the symbol. In The Dark Knight, he was forced to face the consequences of many of his actions. TDKR seems to continue this trend, as it appears he’ll have to bring himself to return to his hero role after a long time away. In many ways this runs counter to what the older Batman films did, especially the Schumacher films, which focused much more on the zany, colorful villains.

I’m very much intrigued by one of Selina Kyle’s lines in the trailer. As she dances with Bruce Wayne, she talks about a storm coming, and tells him: “You and your friends better batten down the hatches. Because when it hits, you’re all going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large, and leave so little for the rest of us.” Obviously, this suggests an uprise against the wealthy. This would certainly be timely, considering what we’re seeing these days with things like the Occupy Wall St. protests. That kind of angle would undoubtedly make a lot of people angry. But I think it would go a long way in proving that superhero stories can be about more than action and suspense.

Incidentally, the action looks like it will be as thrilling as ever, and the acting seems great, but there are two things from this trailer that made me roll my eyes a bit. The first was the shot of the football field crumbling behind a player as he’s running toward the end zone, the event evidently caused by explosives planted underground by Bane. The show this guy running down the field while this gaping chasm is opening up, the ground is exploding, other players are falling in. But does he notice? NOPE. He gets to the end zone, turns around, and has an Wile E. Coyote “Yipes!” moment. C’mon, bro! You didn’t hear the sound of the friggin’ world caving in about a foot behind you? Were you that anxious to score a touchdown and do a silly little dance? See, this is why I don’t watch football…

My second bone to pick is the way TDKR is being marketed as the end of Nolan’s Batman legend. The trailer calls the film “The Epic Conclusion to the Dark Knight Legend,” and tells us “The Legend Ends.” This is stupid. Yes, I know these taglines refer to the fact that this likely Christopher Nolan’s last Batman movie. But even if Nolan and company don’t come back and do another Batman film, the franchise has brought in too much money for Warner Bros. to put it on the shelf after TDKR. Somebody’s going to have the unenviable task of following all of this with either a continuation, or a new continuity altogether. So why confuse people by calling this the “end” of Batman? Stop shoving that down our throats, guys. Because even you know it’s not true.

Is anybody else getting a vibe similar to Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns from this trailer? That book, which  (to put it mildly) revolutionized the Batman mythos, sees an older Bruce Wayne return to the Batman role after years away from it, to once again bring his own brand of justice to Gotham. TDKR certainly seems to be painted with similar textures.

If I seem like I’m being harsh on TDKR, I don’t mean to be. I’m just a die-hard Batman fan keeping a sharp eye on the latest installment of his favorite franchise. We’re certainly seeing our fair share of speculation, which is always great for business. For what it’s worth, I’ve also had that “Rise” chant stuck in my head for the last few days…

Front page image from darkknightrisesrumors.com. Image 1 from undertheradarmag.com. Image 2 from stuffwelike.com. Image 3 from collider.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Nyuking It Up
The trailer for the Farrelly Brothers’ upcoming adaptation of The Three Stooges came out this week. The reception hasn’t exactly been generous. Go ahead and judge for yourself…

As a lifelong Stooge fan, I’ve got mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s surreal to see anyone playing Moe, Larry and Curly except, well…Moe, Larry and Curly. In terms of their show business personalities, Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard were these characters. So to have anyone else playing them naturally feels like a cheap knockoff, especially because the classic shorts have been around for so long. Snooki of The Jersey Shore fame is also an unwelcome sight. The general public doesn’t seem to have a very favorable impression of her, which the trailer tries to take advantage of. But it reeks of the film trying to get extra publicity from her, which I don’t appreciate. The Three Stooges are American comedy icons. A movie based on their work shouldn’t need to resort to cheap tricks like that at this stage of the game.

On the other hand, the movie obviously has good intentions. If you watch some of the well-known Farrelly Brothers stuff, i.e. Dumb & Dumber, There’s Something About Mary and Me, Myself & Irene, the Stooges’ influence on their work is rather obvious. What we’re seeing here is a loving tribute to perhaps the greatest comedy team in American history. Yes, Hollywood is cashing yet again, but that’s not all we’re looking at.

The worrisome element here is that this isn’t a biopic. It’s a story starring the characters of the Three Stooges. The Farrellys are asking their three main actors, Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes and Will Sasso, to duplicate something that really can’t be duplicated. It’s one thing to be able to impersonate Curly, it’s another thing to try and capture the kind of chemistry these performers had when they were on camera together. Larry, Moe and Curly were like a torrential force of slapstick, personality and timing the likes of which is rarely seen anywhere. To have different actors simply impersonate them may not hold up very well for an entire movie, even if the impressions are pretty good, as they are here. I imagine it’s kind of like seeing an Elvis impersonator. You appreciate the tribute, but past that, does the presentation hold any water of its own? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on what the presentation consists of.

Regardless of what people are saying, I will probably end up seeing The Three Stooges out of respect for the original performers and their legacy. Moviegoers should walk in knowing that what their seeing is a tribute to these frankly amazing men and what they gave to the world. If it falls flat it’s not going to hurt the memory of the real Stooges. Plus, if it gets some younger folks to look at the old shorts, on some level it will have been worth it. This film is a big risk, but it’s a risk worth taking.

2. R.I.P. Jerry Robinson
Very sad to hear of the passing of Jerry Robinson December 7 at the age of 89. Anyone who enjoys Batman stories and the world of Gotham City should tip their hat to this man. While Bob Kane is widely credited as the creator of the Caped Crusader, Jerry Robinson was the man who developed the original looks of characters like The Joker, Alfred and Two-Face. He also came up with the name “Robin” for Batman’s young sidekick.

There’s some controversy as to what Robinson’s role actually was in the creation of The Joker. As the story goes, he came in with a joker playing card as the inspiration for a new villain for Batman. Conflicting stories have been told about how extensively Robinson was involved from there. But Robinson is generally credited as the man who created the character, and played a key role in the creation of a franchise that continues to thrill fans young and old to this day.

Robinson was also a major advocate of creators’ rights, and notably supported Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in obtaining credit and compensation for their work on the character.

In a press release, DC co-publisher Jim Lee said: “Jerry Robinson illustrated some of the defining images of pop culture’s greatest icons. As an artist myself, it’s impossible not to feel humbled by his body of work. Everyone who loves comics owes Jerry a debt of gratitude for the rich legacy that he leaves behind.”

Front page image from marquee.blogs.cnn.com. Stooges and Robinson images from latimes.com.

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

After seeing the new movie earlier this week, I’ve been on a huge Muppets kick. My YouTube account has been flooded by old Jim Henson content, and I even downloaded “Rainbow Connection” on to my iPod. Because yes, I’m a dork like that. What can I say? I was touched by the film.

All this Muppet-related hype makes me think back to a moment in my distant past, way, way back in 2009, when karaoke night at a local bar suddenly found itself hosting a round of kids songs, courtesy of yours truly.

I really don’t do karaoke. The deeper I venture into it, the more I see people who take the whole thing way too seriously. I’m pretty sure a couple of drunk chicks getting on stage and belting out an old TLC song isn’t supposed to be considered serious art. To top it off, a large percentage of karaoke nights take place in bars, and I’m not always at ease in that atmosphere. When I’m in a bar, I can’t help but think back to some of the ones I went to in college. In my experience the thing about most college bars, and I suppose a decent amount of regular bars, is that at least half the people in the building are trying to have sex. I know because I was often one of those people. And the thing is, it never really worked out for me. Bars may be forever ingrained in my mind as the places where broskis go to pick up chicks with fake tans who’ve had too many appletinis. Nothing against appletinis, of course…

In any event, one fateful night in April of 2009, I went up to one of my hometown bars with some buddies, a few of whom were girls looking forward to singing karaoke. And of course, you can’t be in a group with girls who sing karaoke without being asked: “Why don’t you go up there?” at least once. I seem to recall being asked quite a few times, because it’s common knowledge that I have a flair for theatrics, and generally making an idiot out of myself.

So I started flipping through the big book of karaoke songs. Where does a beginner even start with one of those things? They’re bigger than phone books, with an apparent emphasis on twangy country songs. I swear to God, every time I’ve been to a karaoke night some chick has to get up there and sing “Man I Feel Like A Woman” by Shania Twain. I needed to find a song that fit my personality and didn’t make me look like a typical karaoke tool.

Then, just like that, it was there. “It’s Not Easy Being Green” by Kermit The Frog. It was perfect. In that environment it would be silly, in a non-conformist sort of way. It had been a long time since I’d heard the song, but nevertheless, I wrote it on that little slip of paper  that karaoke DJs hand out to people, and turned it in.

Oddly enough, when the song came up, I was in the bathroom taking a pee. All of a sudden I hear people outside calling for me, and I think the karaoke guy actually said something into the mic to the effect of: “Rob, come out of the bathroom, you’re up!” So in mid-flow I stopped what I was doing, zipped up and got out there. I got through the song pretty well, using my best Kermit impression. Obviously, no one outside of my party knew what to make of the whole thing. But the people I knew were laughing, at that was the whole point. If the only two or three people laughing in the crowd are people I care about, I’ll gladly take that ratio. Someone would later tell me “That took balls, man.” A kind sentiment, if not an altogether true one.

But then, something wonderful happened. About two songs later, a token karaoke fanatic who’d done a few songs earlier got back up on stage. But he wasn’t singing a hit single, nor a twangy country song that make you want to get to know the business end of a power drill. Amazingly, this karaoke broski began to sing “C Is For Cookie,” in his best Cookie Monster impression! And now both my group and his group were eating it up! I was flabbergasted. I didn’t even know this dude, but he’d taken the Muppet baton and run with it. I shook his hand when he got off the stage.

That would have been enough for me, but to my continued shock that wasn’t the end! Moments later, the karaoke DJ himself took the mic and said: “I’ve got to finish this.” I’ll be damned if he didn’t start singing “Rubber Duckie You’re The One,” courtesy of Ernie from Sesame Street. He had a hard time keeping it together during the song, but he made it. Afterward he pointed at me and said: “Hey, you started it, man!”

If I’m hogging the attention here, I apologize. But that was a pretty cool night for me, so I can’t help remember it fondly. For just a few minutes I took one of the prominent bars in my hometown, which consistently hosts a typical flock of over-bronzed broskis and chicas, and turned it into a place of childish fun and tomfoolery. I took that as a small personal victory. It just goes to show you the influence you can have on people when you don’t take yourself too seriously.

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Abort Mission
Bumper stickers are a funny concept to me. The other day I was driving behind someone with a sticker that said: “Abortion – The Ultimate Child Abuse.” This struck me as odd, mostly because I didn’t realize we were ranking forms of child abuse nowadays. But also, what am I supposed to do with that statement? Is it meant to inspire an epiphany in the middle of the road? “Yeesh, this traffic really sucks…DUDE! That sticker’s right! Abortion is terrible! I’m going to grab a sign and start one of those incredibly uncomfortable street corner protests!

I’m not here to comment on the endless pro choice vs. pro life debate, but is there anything more awkward than one of those street corner abortion protests? From where I stand it’s the same principle as a bumper sticker. Why would you try and convey a message like that while people are zooming past you at 50 miles an hours? That’s like me trying to distribute free cupcake samples to the drivers at the Indy 500. I just want to get to Wendy’s, pal. Dead babies have nothing to do with Wendy’s…do they?

Of course, if text signs don’t work, you can always go the photo route. I’ll never forget driving down a major road and seeing a said that read: “Warning. Graphic abortion photos ahead.” Moments later, I drove by several protestors carrying blown up images of partial birth fetuses. I was shocked, and I don’t shock easily. That’s a good way to get somebody to lose their lunch.

The best one I ever saw was outside a Burlington Coat Factory. The protestors had all the usual signs condemning abortion, bringing religion into it, etc.. But next to them was someone who to say the least did not belong: Elmo. That’s right, the little red guy who hogs all the air time on Sesame Street. Amongst all these determined, straight-faced protestors holding up their angry signs was a man in an Elmo suit, holding up his own sign that said: “Burlington Coat Factory.” Yep, that’s what all protestors need to legitimize their operation, a muppet and some advertising space. If those folks down on Wall Street had Kermit, Miss Piggy and the gang with them, they could tie it into The Muppets and make a ton of money.

The ironic thing about all of this? People don’t even read bumper stickers or signs when they drive. They read text messages.

2. Hooded Hero
What’s the deal with Robin’s hood in Batman: Arkham City? This is one of the few complaints I have about that game. Being a comic book character and wearing a hood are two choices that are downright suicidal when you put them together, in my opinion. This goes for not only Robin, but Dr. Doom, Green Arrow, everybody.

As Frank Miller and Jim Lee showed us in All Star Batman & Robin, any thug with half a brain would simply grab the hood and yank if down over your head. Is this really what you want when you’re facing maniacal clowns and portly umbrella-carrying gangsters?

Would a hood also mess with your peripherals? How are you supposed to see if somebody’s attacking you from the side? And couldn’t it potentially muffle your hearing? This whole hood thing is a tragedy waiting to happen! Who does Robin think he is? Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Robin has clearly forgotten that all superheroes need to do in order to keep their identity a secret is wear a simple domino mask that covers their eyes, leaving most of their facial features exposed.

Front page and Robin image from batman.wikia.com. Bumper sticker image from tmgcustommedia.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

DC Comics has been in some hot water lately. The public hasn’t been too happy about it’s lack of female creators, nor it’s portrayal of certain female characters. Barnes & Noble pulled a bunch of DC books because of the company’s digital distribution deal with Amazon. Now, the publisher is catching some flack over its portrayal of the mentally ill.

The New York Times recently ran an editorial about a group of psychiatrists who are urging DC to tone down their negative depictions of mentally ill individuals as criminals. The story mentions The Joker, Harley Quinn and Two-Face by name, as well as the “criminally insane” orientation of Arkham Asylum. The story specifically calls out the solicitation for Batman & Robin#26, which reads: “Someone has freed the lunatics, and unless they can be stopped, they’ll turn Paris into a surreal Hell on Earth!”

In essence the article calls for DC Comics to redefine their definition of insane in an attempt to quell negative stereotypes about individuals with real mental health disorders. For instance, instead of “psychotic” The Joker might be called “psychopathic.”

I’ve got mixed feelings here. I understand that mental illness isn’t funny, or something to be taken lightly. While DC certainly isn’t the only entertainment company to use “criminally insane” bad guys, they’re definitely as guilty as anybody else. In addition to the comic books, their characters have now been featured in two widely successful video games about evil insane asylum inmates running around hurting people. That’s not even counting the stereotype’s presence in movies and on television.

But I think you have to give DC a bit of leeway on this one. No matter what version you’re seeing, Arkham Asylum never looks like an actual asylum for the mentally ill. It looks like a prison for wacky supervillains, because that’s what it is. The characters you see there aren’t heavily based in reality. Could there potentially be a homicidal clown or a schizophrenic man with half a face sitting in a an asylum somewhere? Sure. But that’s the exception, not the norm. Despite how thick-headed our society can be sometimes, I’m pretty sure most of us know that.

It’s also worth noting that villains like The Joker and Two-Face aren’t considered evil because they’re crazy. If anything it’s the other way around. Almost every one of these characters is portrayed as someone who at some point made a choice to be evil, just as they heroic counterparts have made the choice to be good. Do they think differently? Absolutely. But they’re condemned for their actions against others, not their thought processes.

But if that’s the case, why call them crazy at all? Why not just call them evil? I chalk it up to the simple matter of people being afraid of what they don’t understand, and most people can’t put themselves inside the mind of a madman. We don’t know what makes them tick, and that’s frightening to us. What’s even more frightening is the thought of what might drive us to lose our own sanity, and potentially be as outlandish as the characters we’re seeing.

Could DC stand to be a bit more sensitive? Sure. But so could just about everybody else in this world. I’m not suggesting we shrug this off, but let’s keep it all in perspective.

Front page image from dc.wikia.com. Image 1 from cognitivepractices.com. Image 2 from gaygamer.net. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Unseen and Undead
I’ve been watching the new season of The Walking Dead thus far, and I’ve been sadly underwhelmed by it. It’s not horrible, but thus far it’s not quite up to par in terms of last season. Granted, this year the show has the luxury of being able to pace itself a bit more, with 13 episodes as opposed to six. But I’m still feeling a bit let down.

Tonight Eric reminded me of all the garbage that went down with AMC and Frank Darabont, who developed and executive produced the show. Allegedly AMC was concerned about the cost of the show, cut its budget from $3.4 million to $2.7 million, asked that it be filmed 50 percent indoors, and gave a note that asked something to the effect of: “Can’t we sometimes just hear the zombies sometimes instead of see them?”

I absolutely love that last one. “C’mon, guys! We don’t have to see the zombies all the time! Heck, do we even have to see them at all? Can’t they just be implied zombies? Remember how in The Happening the characters all got killed off when the wind blew the trees around? Let’s just do that! The trees can rustle around, then we can play the recording I’ve got of my dad sleeping off some indigestion, and that’ll be like zombie sounds! Aw crap! Trees are outside, aren’t they? Ummm, okay, I’ve got it! We’ll get some potted plants and a fan…”

This is exactly why left-brained people shouldn’t be telling right-brained people how to be creative.

2. What Makes A Bad Ass
I happened to catch a clip from the Spike TV Scream Awards this week. Darth Vader was honored as an “Ultimate Villain,” which basically consisted of a tribute package being played, someone in the costume coming out, and then George Lucas showing up to hype the 3D release of the Star Wars films.

While it’s lovely that Spike TV wanted to honor Darth Vader, to me there’s something unfitting about that “bad ass” song (which is by Saliva, by the way). Nobody who is a legitimate bad ass, legitimately cool, or has whatever the awe-inspiring “it” factor is, needs to run around shouting how cool they are. Their presence speaks for itself. That’s how you tell when someone’s a fake. They try too hard. Need to see an example? Walk into any high school in America. Particularly the ones in upper middle class areas. Those places are filled with pretend bad asses. Kids who’ll slam right into you in the hallway, and then look at you sideways for moving improperly through their space. As if somehow they’ve earned that through years of hard knocks. Then after school, they’ll park next to their dad’s Lexus and play the Playstation 3 their mommy bought them. Get real, Fonzie.

Remember in the original Star Wars film when that Imperial officer started lipping off to Darth Vader about how the Death Star was the ultimate power in the universe, as opposed to the Force, which was sad and ancient? Vader used that same “sad and ancient” religion to choke him out, and then delivered a classic one-liner: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” Then, he simply walked away and went back to his business. He didn’t toot his own horn, he didn’t run to Grand Moff Tarkin and hype up what a big moment he’d just had, and he certainly didn’t need a damn song that repeatedly advertised what a tough guy he was. He simply was confident in who he was (Granted, he was a jerk, but still…). There’s your bad ass move, right there.

The cape also helped.

Front page image from sharenator.com. Zombie image from daemonstv.com.