By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

This piece marks the first time I’m going out of my way to soften my words a bit. That’s not to say I’m regularly in the habit of offending people, or being “edgy.” But as far as Star Wars fanboys are concerned, this topic tends to be a bit heated at times. And as I’ve learned in the past, passionate fans can occasionally turn into rabid ones. *sigh* Okay, here we go…

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace returns to theaters this month, this time in 3D. Because even though George Lucas is tired of being ridiculed about the quality of his newer films, he certainly isn’t opposed to making additional money off them. I’m interested to see how much the movie pulls in during it’s stay, as The Phantom Menace was unquestionably the least well received of the Star Wars films. Even Lucas himself has talked about that.

It’s been well documented that the majority of die-hard Star Wars fans harbor negative feelings toward Menace that range from simple dislike to pure loathing. Hell, there’ve been entire films dedicated to just how bad people think this movie is. Red Letter Media did a video review of the film that’s nearly as  long as the movie itself. Yeesh…

By now, you’ve likely heard the common complaints: 1. Jar Jar Binks is an annoying cartoon character placed in the movie solely to appeal to kids. 2. Jake Lloyd’s acting is as bad as it is cheesy. 3. Darth Maul is the coolest character in the movie, but doesn’t get enough screen time. 4. The Force should be a spiritual gift, as opposed to biological one, which we learn about in this movie. And those are just a few.

But here’s the thing, and this is where it might get messy…I really don’t have much of a problem with The Phantom Menace. In terms of it’s execution, I think a lot of the dialogue (specifically the lines coming from Anakin and Jar Jar) is corny. But for my money it’s not half as bad as some of the stuff we got in Attack of the Clones, and especially Revenge of the Sith.

It took me years to break out of my state of denial about the prequels, and the fact that they are indeed of questionable quality. For the longest time I had this blind loyalty to George Lucas and the Star Wars universe because of how much the original films meant to me. But enough time has passed and I’ve grown up enough that I can finally be honest with myself about this. Not bitter or cynical, as a lot of fans are, but honest. And this is my honest opinion of The Phantom Menace.

1. A Kid’s Movie
Many moviegoers, perhaps understandably, questioned why we even needed to see Darth Vader as a young child. I remember when Attack of the Clones came out, some fans were saying that movie should have been Episode I, so that Lucas and his cohorts could have more time to explore Anakin’s turn to the dark side, the Clone Wars, etc. Menace takes place about 32 years before the events of the original film. Did we really need to go back that far? In the past, George Lucas has said things to the effect of: “The story simply is what it is.” Well, not necessarily. You wrote the story, you can change the story. Lucas certainly knows a thing or two about changing his creations…

Hindsight is always 20/20, of course. But if the story you’re going to go with is that at 8-years-old, this slave boy was discovered by warriors, taken from his mother and thrust into this intergalactic conflict, thus beginning his descent into darkness, it makes sense for us to actually see that separation. That way, we’re sitting next to Anakin during his entire journey, as opposed to entering in the middle. By doing that, we’re seeing that Anakin wasn’t born as this unstable individual on the path to bloody murder. At one point, he was a good person. That’s important to establish.

How well our look into Anakin’s childhood was executed? That’s another story. It wasn’t perfect. Anakin’s big “yipee!” after discovering that he’s leaving this barren desert world of child labor and slavery is a bit…awkward. Some fans also had a problem with the fact that he got in the starfighter and blew up the big ship at the end. That never bothered me, personally. We had established that this kid had Jedi talents, and he was already a skilled pilot. Plus, he didn’t even blow the ship up intentionally! His ship was shot down, and he ended up crashing INSIDE the damn thing. Far fetched? Maybe. But it’s a movie. Give it a break.

I would also take issue with people who’ve said Lloyd was a bad actor. He wasn’t Haley Joel Osment, but he wasn’t supposed to be. This 8 or 9-year-old kid was saying the lines that had been written for him, and doing the things he was directed to do. Who wrote those lines? Who was sitting in the director’s chair? George Lucas. When the buck stops with you, as it does with Lucas on almost all things Star Wars, inevitably so does all the criticism. If I’m not mistaken, The Phantom Menace was the first movie Lucas had done the actual screenplay for since Return of the Jedi in ’80s (and even then he had help from Lawrence Kasdan), and the first film he’d directed since the ORIGINAL Star Wars film in the ’70s! If I had to pick one factor to point to as the major cause of the prequels being inferior to the original films, it would be Lucas hogging both the pen and the director’s chair. For whatever reason, it worked in A New Hope, but the prequels suffered for it. So if you want to gripe about Jake Lloyd’s scenes in this movie, which really aren’t that bad to begin with, gripe about the man in the flannel shirt sitting in the director’s chair.

2. “Meesa Called Jar Jar Binks”
Even as a kid, I remember being amazed at how much grief this film got over Jar Jar Binks. Is he a bit over the top sometimes? Absolutely. When he does the big dive into the water during the first half of the movie? Too much. Also too far: When he shouts at Qui-Gon about “When’a yousa thinkin’ weesa in trouble?” But I never thought he was even remotely as annoying as other people thought he was. Maybe it’s the fact that I was fairly young when I saw this movie. Maybe I was just more tolerant of this kind of thing. Either way, I was mostly fine with the character.

The common thread running through the majority of the complaints is that he was too clowny and too childish. I can understand that complaint. The original films managed to get their humor across without having characters that were in the film specifically for that reason. And I suppose on some level Jar Jar’s humor feels a bit forced. At the very least, Jar Jar was something never seen before in a Star Wars film.

In defending his use of Jar Jar, Lucas at one point told BBC News: ”There is a group of fans for the films that doesn’t like comic sidekicks. They want the films to be tough like Terminator, and they get very upset and opinionated about anything that has anything to do with being childlike. The movies are for children but they don’t want to admit that. In the first film they absolutely hated R2 and C-3PO. In the second film they didn’t like Yoda and in the third one they hated the Ewoks… and now Jar Jar is getting accused of the same thing.”

I can’t say for sure whether the droids and Yoda actually felt a backlash. The Ewoks definitely had one. But none of them even felt a portion of the wrath that Jar Jar has felt. The main thing I can say in defense of this character is that I saw this movie in the theater three times. Each time, the kids loved Jar Jar. For that young demographic, he was one of the best parts of the movie. I suppose what I would say to avid Jar Jar haters is to remember when you first fell in love with Star Wars. For most fans, it was when they were children. So, think about how your younger self have reacted to this character, and be honest…

Heesa not great, but heesa not so bad.

3. Jedi, Sith and Lip-Syncing
I’ve always enjoyed Liam Neeson’s presence in this movie. He always plays mentor characters rather well, and as we’ve learned in the last few years with movies like Taken and The Grey, he makes a great bad ass. In The Phantom Menace we get both.

Darth Maul obviously played a huge role in the marketing of this movie, which to an extent was not a good thing, as he gets considerably less screen time than you’d expect for a character advertised so heavily. Still, he’s become one of the most recognizable characters in the entire series, and most fans agree that the fight between Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Maul is great.

One thing I’ve always complained about is that the lip syncing for Nute Gunray and Rune Haako sucks. If I could change anything in this movie in terms of the special effects, it would be that. Thankfully we don’t see them enough for it to be a hugely memorable problem.

Also, during the scene near the beginning of the movie where the Jedi are being shot at by the destroyer droids, there’s a brief moment where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan do a Force-induced dash away from the blaster fire. But when they do it we only see them from a distance, and initially I actually wondered if it was an editing error. I’d have clarified that moment a bit.

Will I see The Phantom Menace in 3D? Probably not, but that’s not because I have anything against the movie. It’s because I think, as Roger Ebert once said, “It’s a waste of a dimension” and “it adds nothing to the experience.” But George can always hear that money train coming, and when it comes to Star Wars, it’s never too late to jump on. In all honesty, I hope it does well. It may be a marketing slogan, but there’s really nothing like seeing Star Wars on the big screen.

Front page image from insideturnedout.blogspot.com. Image 1 from pariscine.com. Image 2 from starcasm.com. Image 3 from screened.com. Image 4 from hiphopjedi.blogspot.com. Image 5 from petergett.com. Image 6 from joblo.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Like a lot of folks, I was tremendously disappointed to hear that Evan Bourne was suspended yet again this week for violating WWE’s Wellness Policy. He was just suspended for a violation this past November, and the fact that he got in trouble again so soon is somewhat alarming.

I can only assume that this marks the end of Air Boom, the high flying tag team of Bourne and Kofi Kingston. If that’s what happens, it’s a damn shame. I don’t think Air Boom even scratched the surface of what they could have achieved in terms of popularity. These guys could have been the first really marketable tag team to come down the pipe in quite some time, in the same vein as some of the really popular babyface teams like the Legion of Doom, The New Age Outlaws, The Hardy Boyz, etc. That’s not to say they’d have been as big as those teams, but they could have brought some of that thunder back into the industry.

Poor Kofi. He really caught a bad break on this one, didn’t he?

There’s been a decent amount of speculation about whether these suspensions will lead to the real life Matt Korklan’s departure from WWE. The company has a three strikes rule when it comes to these wellness suspensions, but they can certainly release him at their discretion. Although, Jeff Hardy and William Regal both violated the policy twice. Regal’s still around, and Jeff Hardy became a three-time heavyweight champion before he left the company.

Personally, I’ve got high hopes that Bourne sticks around. In an era where wrestling is really hurting for new big name stars, Evan Bourne is someone who can be a highly marketable, big money commodity for WWE if he’s booked the right way.

It’s fairly obvious that for quite some time now WWE has been looking for someone to take Rey Mysterio Jr.’s spot. Rey’s been wrestling for over two decades now, and the injuries are piling up. Couple that with the fact that he’s slowed down quite a bit, and the writing seems to be on the wall. Early last year, WWE thought they’d found the next Mysterio in Luis Alvirde, an extremely popular wrestler from Mexico who started wrestling for them as Sin Cara. Much like Mysterio, Sin Cara became a masked dazzler, wowing devoted wrestling fans with his lucha libre arsenal, and delighting kids with his masked superhero-type look. But a wellness suspension during the summer took a some of the wind out of his sails, and a ruptured patellar tendon suffered in November took him out of the game completely. With Sin Cara on the long road to recovery, and Mysterio out with yet another injury, the company has lost both their luchador sensations. Truth be told, things could have gone better…

But in retrospect, I’m wondering if it was a mistake to make Mysterio’s successor an act that resembles his so closely. For as long as Mysterio has been wrestling for WWE, the company has (with few exceptions) made him the sole masked luchador on their shows. In countries like Japan and Mexico, you might see several masked wrestlers on a card on any given night. But in the most watched wrestling promotion in the United States (if not the world), Rey has been the only one for about a decade now. Thus, any masked lucha star that comes in after him is, fairly or not, going to be compared to him, and expect to succeed at his level. Those are lofty expectations for any wrestler, and the chances of failure are high.

Enter Evan Bourne.

Remember when Rey lost his mask in WCW? Yeah, he’d rather you didn’t remember, but it happened. It was a decision made by the WCW higher-ups. In his memoir, Controversy Creates Cash, former WCW President Eric Bischoff explained his decision: ”I wanted Rey to be a character that kids could really relate to. He had a lot of characteristics going for him. But he wore a mask, and the camera couldn’t see his facial expressions. The expressions tell the story…Rey is a good looking guy, and I thought taking the mask of would take him to the next level, make him a real superstar.”

Obviously Rey has gone on to become a huge star with the mask, but Bischoff’s logic makes sense. I think he wanted Mysterio to become someone akin to who Evan Bourne is today. Bourne’s not a natural on the mic, but neither is Mysterio. Both are among the few talents on the mainstream American stage who can do most of their talking in the ring. Even so, Bourne’s got a winning smile, and his positive attitude naturally shines through to the viewers at home. He’s a perfect fit for today’s PG product. He’s a great underdog, who can deliver an inspiration message about overcoming the odds, much like Rey does today.

The problem is, Bourne seems to have become his own worst enemy. I’m not sure any WWE star has violated the company’s wellness policy twice in such a short period of time. If I’m on the creative team, I’m really hesitant about giving Bourne a prominent role any time soon. Why put him back in the limelight if he’s just going to get himself fired in a month?

Evan Bourne may have to scratch and claw to get himself back into the spot he just lost. But if he can find his way back, he’s capable of really great things. He knows it. The fans know it. I just wish WWE knew it. Who knows? Maybe if they’d paid a bit more attention to him earlier, he wouldn’t be in the mess he’s in now.

Front page image from allwrestlingsuperstars.com. Image 1 and image 3 from wwe.com. Image 2 from gaiaonline.com. Image 4 from pimpmyspace.org. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. At Least It’s Hot a Happy Madison Movie
Okay Rob Schneider, I want you to know that I tried. I really did. What’s more, I was on your side! I recognize that you’re actually a talented performer, in spite of some of the terrible movies you’ve been in. You can be the best actor or comedian in the world, but if the lines you’re given to say are bad, people are going to crap on you. And hey, for what it’s worth, The Hot Chick wasn’t SO bad. It wasn’t good at all, but it wasn’t terrible. Middle ground…

But this new CBS sitcom, Rob? It deserves to be crapped on. I take no joy in saying that, but I didn’t take much joy in watching it either. The premise of the show is that Schneider’s character (same first name) marries a younger Hispanic woman, and tries to fit in with her big family. It’s actually semi-autobiographical, as last year Schneider married a Hispanic television producer. Cheech Marin is in the cast as Rob’s father.

Rob comes off like something of a bad ensemble play (I would know, having been in a couple). Everybody’s trying hard, bless their hearts. But the content is so cliche it’s actually insulting. It’s filled with bad jokes about guacamole, border-hopping, sangria, mixed with some bad slapstick. For instance, there’s a scene where Rob is looking at a candle-lit memorial in the family’s home, and he manages to drop a lit candle on his crotch. He drops trou, only to have his wife’s grandmother walk in. She screams, and he winds up wrestling around with her a bit to try to quiet her down. In the process he winds up bending her over the bed. Just then, his wife and Cheech Marin walk in. His response: “There’s a simple explanation really. See…I poured hot wax on my genitals.” It’s the sort of stuff that might seem funny on paper, but in practice it’s very contrived an unnatural.

Interestingly enough, the premiere of Rob did very well from a ratings standpoint, with 13.5 million viewers. Granted, it had a lot of help from The Big Bang Theory, much drew much of the audience, who apparently stuck around for Schneider’s show. But now that they’ve had a taste of the show, I’m interested to see if they stick around. My guess? They’ll spit it out like dysentery-filled Mexican water.

2. New 52, New Logo
If there’s one company that’s been undergoing a bit of a re-branding in recent years, it’s DC Comics. In 2009, the publisher received a new parent company, DC Entertainment, designed to push its characters into the limelight a great deal more. This year the company began day-and-date digital publishing, which moved the market even further into the electronic age. It also pulled off it’s risky, yet so far effective, “New 52″ movement which revamped the continuity of all the superhero books. Now, DC has trademarked a new logo, making way for the second change to the image in less than a decade.

Any time a big company like DC changes their logo, you’re going to have people complaining. In 2005, when they changed the classic four-stars logo to the current single-star image, people cried fowl. I actually really like the current one. It’s a nice extension of the previous logos. But even as someone who tries to avoid being jaded about stuff like this, this new logo is pretty bland. So it’s peeled up, like a page in a comic book. I get it. It’s still bland and boring, but I get it.

Will it make or break the company either way? Of course not. But it’d be nice for DC to have a logo that reflects the vibrance and excitement that readers often find in its content. From this one you’d think they were trying to sell us office supplies.

3. Mr. Evil Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It…
I have a bone to pick with doctors. No, not medical doctors. That’s another story for another day. I’m talking about academic doctors. Specifically, the kind who never went to proctology school, but probably should have, as they seem to have something rather large jammed up their anal cavity.

Last week, I went to see a professor at the university I attend on a part-time basis. I’m not in a class with this individual, but I needed his signature on a document. I’d never met him before, but our exchanges had been pleasant, and for the most part this one was too. But there was one small exchange that has been nagging at me .

When I arrived at his office, I stuck my head in, knocked on his door and said: “Mr. [Name]?”

He looks up at me and says: “Dr. [Name]. Yes?”

That’s it. That’s all that’s bugging me. The fact that he corrected me when I called him Mr. [Name] instead of Dr. [Name].” This has happened to me before, too. I once had a professor make a point out to me in an email that his official title was “Doctor,” and that I should refer to him as such.

Look, I get it. You went to school for a long time, and worked very hard. My brother’s working on his doctorate right now, so I’m sort of in tune with it. But you some of you academic doctors out there need to understand that when somebody doesn’t refer to you by that title, they’re not disrespecting you. When we’re addressing someone formally, usually our instinct is to go with Mr. or Mrs. It’s just a habit. Heck, a lot of folks simply speak to people on a first name basis, so feel lucky if we’re addressing you formally at all! Yes, I’m sure it’s cool to put the word “Doctor” in front of your name. But if you force the issue it can make you seem smug or uppity, which you may not be at all. I’d have thought that someone who had acquired such a large base of knowledge would have figured that out…

Just give me a pass the first two or three times you see me, okay? Spend enough time with me so that I can at least figure out that you have a doctorate before you start correcting me. That’s all I’m asking.

Front page image from nydailynews.com. Image 1 from washingtonpost.com. Image 2 from bleedingcool.com. Image 3 from atheistconnect.org. 

By Jon Robertson
Staff Writer, Illegitimate Son of Irwin M. Fletcher

Every year it seems that there are a handful of albums that get released that everyone goes bananas for, but if you really stop and listen to the music you realize that the album is not as good as everyone thinks, or in some cases might actually be absolute garbage. Here is the five step process as to why I think this happens.

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1. Hype: In some cases there is way too much attention given from websites and magazines on how the artist or group has grown since their last release. These publications keep hooting and hollering about all the hoopla on all the new fantastic things they are doing. The buildup for the record keeps growing and growing until everyone gets so excited that the new record is already ordained as the “second coming” before anyone has even heard it.

2. Posing: After websites and publications hype the shit of these recordings and the album sucks, they are trapped. Very rarely will you see any kind of music publication retract all the excitement they had for an album and confess that the album is not as good as they have been predicting it to be.

3. Buying in: People that follow these publications and generally trust their judgment hear said recording, and even though they may not like the album, they convince themselves that they do because their favorite music critic says it’s awesome.

4. Fear: This is where I usually get caught up in it. Now that the music sources and people in the know are preaching about how amazing this record is, I feel like I am missing out, so I give it a listen and it’s horrible. But instead of just accepting it at that I begin to question my judgment. “How could I think this sucks if everyone else thinks it’s great? What am I Missing? Am I lame? Close minded?” So now I have the fear of being left out so I fall into #3 and buy in.

5. Acceptance: After the music critics bought into the hype, refusing to admit their mistake and all the hip people say its dope and the rest of us are too afraid of being left out or uncool, the crap album is accepted as amazing, never to be questioned again.

Finally after all these years, I have overcome my fear of being bogus and I am now ready to call out the all the bogus records of 2011 that have benefited from the five-step process above.

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10. PJ Harvey: Let England Shake (Vagrant Records) — I have a lot of respect for Ms. Harvey so it pains me to put her on this list, but this record is probably her weakest musically. I understand that the lyrics are all political; I just need a lot more than fancy lyrics to enjoy a record. What is the good of powerful lyrics if they are not backed by powerful tracks? I guess when I want my revolution I want it to sound more like Rage Against the Machine than Bob Dylan.

9. Wild Flag: Wild Flag (Merge Records) — A super group of a bunch of ladies from bands that were never very good in the first place. With their powers combined they created… blandness. Obnoxious vocals, guitar licks and presentation all around. This is to be expected though, since the only good band that existed from these ladies previously was Mary Timony’s ’90s act Helium.

8. Adele: 21 (Columbia) — To me, this is the equivalent of listening to your mom belt out a bunch of bland pop R&B tunes in her minivan. Seriously, just her vibe in general is annoying. Listening to her music is like listening to a bunch of throwaway tracks from Motown’s garbage bin.

7. Liturgy: Aesthethica (Thrill Jockey) — Hipster metal has arrived and it is weak. Thanks a lot, Liturgy. This is what Snapcase would sound like if they didn’t try. I do admit that there are some insane rhythmic tracks on here, and the drummer does some pretty amazing stuff. However, Aesthetica makes the list because of the all the attention it’s getting. If you go on online and look at certain websites’ 2010 year end lists there was almost no mention of metal at all. It’s funny to see these same websites this year put out best of metal lists for 2011 now just because there is a doofy metal band from Brooklyn.

6. Yuck: Yuck (Fat Possum) — Everyone keeps saying how awesome this ’90s revival indie rock band is. I challenge you to listen to any of Yuck’s tracks back to back with any of the bands they are compared to, like Dinosaur Jr. You will notice how junior high this band sounds. I think this record just goes to show how desperate people are to hear something of quality but, instead of searching a little harder for band with a ’90s flair and some actual passion, they just settle for this young English band because the bass player has an afro.

5. Bon Iver: Bon Iver (Jagjaguwar) — Now this record isn’t horrible. It’s actually pretty good, but not as freakin’ amazing as everyone says it is. If you take a concentrated listen to the ten songs included on this record, there is absolutely nothing groundbreaking going on musically, lyrically or emotion-wise. This is an album to put you to sleep, not to be considered as one of the best releases of the year. I think the main reason this record was included on publication’s lists and given so much attention is the fact that Justin Vernon guested on a couple songs on last year’s most overrated album — possibly the most overrated album of all time — Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

4. Fleet Foxes: Helplessness Blues (Sub Pop) — Another electric folk album that had way too much anticipation associated with it before its release. I know, because I was caught up in the anticipation at first and I actually thought I liked this record for a second. Then I realized this band has a knack of taking the most generic aspects of certain bands (My Morning Jacket/Band of Horses) and making them the highlight of their music. There is not one song on this album that can stand up to MMJ’s release this year. If you’re not paying attention, you won’t even notice that one song has ended and a new one has begun. Do yourself a favor ignore this record and listen to Vetiver’s The Errant Charm instead; it’s so much better.

3. Fucked Up: David Comes to Life (Matador Records) — Just because you put a concept behind vanilla punk screams and guitar progressions doesn’t mean that the music is any good. Every song sounds exactly the same. A lot of reviews hearken back to the Ramones when mentioning this band. If you compare the Ramones’ music to Fucked Up, you will realize that the Ramones actually had the ability to make their songs individual enough so that you could discern one song from the next. I dig concept albums a lot, but this one is essentially just one song repeated over and over.

2. Jay-Z & Kanye West: Watch the Throne (Def Jam) — One boring ass record that consists of two super rich dudes’ bland verses about how pimp and awesome they are. You’d think the two biggest rappers out now would have come up with some better beats then the ones used here. It’s interesting to watch musicians become famous and larger than life, because as time goes on the band or artist slowly become parodies of themselves. Watch the Throne is a prime example of that.

1. Foo Fighters: Wasting Light (RCA) — This band used to be cool. I’m pretty sure the last good album they put out was There is Nothing Left to Lose. I used to love Dave Grohl with all my heart. I still think that he is an amazing drummer and his interviews are still pretty hilarious. He seems like a cool dude all around, but as he’s gotten older I think he has become a bit obsessed with himself (just like Kanye and Jay-Z). He keeps saying stuff about “this is how a rock band does it”. A real rock band doesn’t point out that they are in a rock band. The new album has no taters, and screw all the talk about how raw and tough it is… it’s lame. Listen to the new Russian Circles or O’Brother albums for something raw and energetic. It hurts me to hate on the Foo Fighters; I’m just starting to wonder what the difference is between the Foos and Nickelback. Please don’t be mad at me Dave.

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This list basically goes against the majority of top 2011 lists on the internet out right now, so try not to hate and overreact. Instead, take another listen to the music listed above and ask yourself, “Do I really like this?”. I think that you’ll realize that you actually don’t and to help fill the empty spot these albums left in your soul, I recommend checking out some if not all the albums listed on my Top 22 of 2011. Good luck.

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

The re-debut of Brodus Clay from this past Monday’s Raw Supershow still has me scratching my head. Having been a fan for almost a decade and a half now, that’s not a situation I frequently find myself in.

Quick history lesson: George Murdoch, a former bodyguard for Snoop Dogg, was signed to a WWE development contract in 2006. To say the least, the man stands out. At over 350 lbs, with a tattooed upper body, a spiked mohawk, and a less chiseled look than your average WWE wrestler, Murdoch is instantly recognizable. He made his national television debut under the name Brodus Clay on the fourth season of WWE NXT (which almost nobody watched).

In March of 2010, Clay began appearing with Alberto Del Rio in a bodyguard role. He was ringside during Del Rio’s match with Edge at Wrestlemania XXVII. Clay would eventually take a leave of absence from television to film a WWE Studios production, No One Lives. He reappeared on one of the company’s webcast shows, WWE Superstars, in late 2010, and began squashing no-name jobbers on a weekly basis. WWE began airing vignettes for his re-debut on Raw. He was expected to appear on the November 7 edition of the show, but for some unknown reason, his debut was repeatedly pushed back on a week-to-week basis.

This was the Brodus Clay we were expecting this past Monday…

This was the Brodus Clay we got…

After the initial shock wore off, I was pretty sour about what WWE had done to Brodus. It seemed like they had taken a powerhouse with a unique look and a decent amount of potential, and saddled him with a variation on one of their stock characters. Indeed, mere minutes after Clay walked out, people were comparing him to past WWE stars with dancing/funk gimmicks like Dusty Rhodes, Flash Funk, Rikishi and Ernest “The Cat” Miller (he even has Miller’s old theme music). Whether WWE had intended it or not, the continuous delaying of Brodus’ debut had created certain aura of anticipation around him, and it seemed like they’d sent it all down the drain with this silly “Funkasaurus” character. The crowd certainly seemed quiet during his match. I suppose they didn’t know what to think, much like the rest of us.

I checked Twitter this morning, expecting to see fans crapping on the character. But surprisingly, a lot of people seem to have been entertained by it. Apparently the sheer outrageousness of the whole thing made a lot of fans laugh. For the time being, this new Brodus Clay has a bit of a following, which is exactly what any wrestling promotion wants they add someone new to their roster.

Whether you like this new development or you don’t, it certainly prevents Clay from falling into the “generic giant” role. WWE has brought in so many big guys over the years whom they’ve tried to cast as their next sawed off monster, only to have them flounder and never really go anywhere because their characters aren’t developed beyond that. Think Snitzky, Tyson Tomko, Nathan Jones, Luther Reigns, etc. With this persona, Clay has broken through that stereotype, which will serve him well going forward.

The question, of course, becomes whether fans will stay interested in Clay after a few weeks have gone by. So much has already been done in mainstream wrestling in the last 20 years that it’s no longer enough to simply have a gimmick. Now more than ever, you’ve got to have that special connection with the audience. The people have to buy into what you’re doing, they have to believe in you, whether you’re a good guy or a bad guy. WWE lets so many talents go each year because they can’t effectively convey their passion or creativity in the ring. So ultimately, Brodus Clay’s fate is in his own hands.

Thankfully for him, Clay seems to have a very natural charisma. Even when he was the monstrous bruiser, his words carried a certain believability. With this new funk-themed character, he’s showing us that he can loosen up in the ring a bit. His little comments during the match were fun (“My bad!”). During his little dance routine, you could tell he was thinking hard, making sure he got it right. One can only imagine the stress he was under, having to dance on TV. In any event, he’ll have to loosen that part of his act up, which I suspect is just a matter of practice. Once can only hope he stays away from Rikishi’s “Stink Face” maneuver, though. I think that move is reserved for hot chicks now, right?

All in all, Brodus Clay still has a chance. It’s a different kind of chance than he might have had before, but it’s a chance nonetheless. I’m interested to see what he does with it.

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Watchmen 2 – Live Free Or Die Watching
For the record, I credit that title to Steve McCarthy. He came up with it the night we saw the Watchmen movie.

Rumors have been abound these past few weeks about the possibility of DC Comics publishing a handful of Watchmen prequel miniseries titles. These rumors came to a head late last month when some artwork by Joe Kubert was leaked online Andy Kubert, as was a piece by J.G. Jones and a piece by Amanda Conner. The art would later be removed via request from DC Entertainment. Also reportedly attached to the project, allegedly codenamed “Panic Room,” are Watchmen penciller Dave Gibbons, J. Michael Straczynski, Darwyn Cooke, and John Higgins. Watchmen writer Alan Moore, not surprisingly, has balked at the concept and will not be involved.

I’m not thrilled at the concept of new Watchmen content. Obviously, there’s not even the slightest bit of need for it. But as with any property in any area of the entertainment industry, it’s all about money. There’s still money to be made with Watchmen, especially on the comic book page. Chances are, most of the people taking the time to buy comics have at least a passing knowledge of Watchmen, and would consider spending money on a new project. I’d wager a lot of the fans currently ranting and raving about it would pick it up just to see what was being done.

But after all these years, can anybody write a definitive sequel to Watchmen besides Alan Moore? No. Even with Dave Gibbons along for the ride, obviously so much of the success of Watchmen was about Alan Moore’s voice. I’d wager that even with the best talents in the industry on your side, you can’t duplicate that. You can emulate it, but you can’t duplicate it. For a book like Watchmen, that’s not enough.

This isn’t to say that subsequent Watchmen books will hurt the original. Heck, it’ll probably make the die-hards cling to it even harder. Odd as this sounds, I compare it to Disney doing sequels to their classic films, i.e. Bambi II, Cinderella II, The Fox and the Hound II, etc. When you first hear about them, they prompt chuckles as oppose to intrigue. But you forget about them after awhile, and eventually they become interesting little factoids. I suspect such will be the fate of any additional Watchmen content DC cooks up. Not every story is meant to inspire a blockbuster Hollywood-style trilogy.

In a perfect world, Watchmen would be left to sit upon its pedestal as arguably (though without much argument) the greatest graphic novel of all time, which to this day represents the pinnacle of what this medium can achieve. But alas, with DC attempting to reinvent itself amidst an industry-wide drop in sales figures, the comic book industry must once again look to Rorschach and say: “Save us.”

Sadly, he can’t say, “No.”

2. Fanboy Tattoos
I’ve been on a tattoo kick for awhile now. Which is to say I don’t have one, but when I see one I’ll show a bit more of my usual silent appreciation for it.

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever get a tattoo, for no other reason than I just don’t see myself as a tattoo kind of guy. Whenever I think tattoos, the person that comes to mind is always The Undertaker of WWE fame (shown right). Now HE’s a tattoo kind of guy. His tattoos help him command attention and respect. That’s not to say all tattoos should inspire that feeling, but he’s a guy who can pull off that look. I’d be afraid of becoming just another poser walking around with a tribal tattoo. Incidentally, I can’t stand tribal tattoos. Every time I see one I want to walk up to the person in question and ask: “Hey. What tribe do you belong to?”

Fanboy communities certainly have their fair share of tattoos. Somehow I’ve seen more among Star Wars fans than anyone else. I suppose George Lucas has taken up ad space everywhere else, so it only makes sense for him to start advertising on human bodies. But the gaming community certainly seems open to it, and I’ve seen more than my fair share of comic book tattoos out there.

Maybe I’m simply not hardcore enough, but I can’t imagine ever tattooing something fanboy-related on my body. For me, it comes back to laying in a morgue someday at (God willing) 80 or 90-something years old, and having somebody look me over, and wonder what the Chewbacca tattoo on my calf is supposed to stand for. What’s more, you just know some of those tattoo artists are laughing at you when you leave the parlor. “Hey Flloyd! I just tattooed a Care Bear under somebody’s arm! I’m serious, bro!”

I once knew a girl who, as a tribute to me, wanted to get a bunch of bats tattooed on her back (because I’m such a Batman fan). I was flat out terrified. If I don’t want a fanboy tattoo, what makes you think I’ll enjoy one on you!!!!

To each their own, I suppose. The conviction it takes to attribute part of your body to something you love so much is certainly admirable. I just don’t think I could ever do it. Maybe if I ever become a wrestling star with an undead gimmick, that’ll change my mind…

Front page image from themoviescult.gr. Image 1 from garbledtransmission.com. Image 2 from brokenvoicecomics.blogspot.com. Image 3 from wwfpictures.blogspot.com. Image 4 from whoartnow.hubpages.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Let’s be honest: By many standards, 2011 was strictly okay at best. A lot of stuff sucked, both in the real world and the world of entertainment. But there were silver linings to be found: We finally got Bin Laden, Marvel had a great year at the movies, Kim Jong Il is gone, Beavis and Butt-head came back, US troops were finally withdrawn from Iraq, CM Punk cut one of the best worked shoot promos ever on live TV, Rod Blagojevich paid the price for his role in the corruption of Illinois politics, the DC Universe reboot happened, we got some cool music, we got the definitive Batman game in Arkham City, among other notable achievements.

But now it’s time to look to the future! Yes, certain things will suck in 2012. But let’s try and find that silver lining. Here are a few things we can look forward to in 2012…

1. Laughing At People Who Think The World Is Ending
Hey everybody! Y2K is back! Yes, because the ancient Mayan Long Count calendar comes to an end on December 21, 2012, many are pointing to that day in fear of cataclysmic events, the end of the world, etc. Hollywood even cranked out a movie based on the “2012 phenomenon,” starring John Cusack. And boy, I can not wait to let out a big guffaw when that day gets here and NOTHING happens. I’ll actually have to be careful that the sheer amount of laughter generated by my body doesn’t trigger some kind of cataclysmic event. Boy would THAT be ironic…

2. The First Major Superhero Crossover Flick
If The Avengers isn’t one of the best, if not THE best superhero movie ever made, Marvel will have REALLY screwed up. Thankfully, when it comes to movies they don’t seem to be in that habit. The Iron Man movies, Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor were all really good, and The Incredible Hulk was pretty decent. We’ve got an all-star cast lined up, and in Joss Whedon we’ve got a director who knows his way around superheroes, science fiction and fantasy. When The Avengers opens, the world’s eyes are going to be on Marvel more than ever. To say the least, it’s a high stakes, high pressure situation. But the stars seem to be aligning for this movie, and I’m expecting great things. Before it’s all said and done, Marvel may make true believers out of everybody.

Meanwhile, in a true case of “everybody wins,” DC is pulling out their heaviest hitter in response…

3. The Dark Knight Strikes Again
As I said last week, I’m a bit worried about The Dark Knight Rises having “third movie syndrome.” But it’s piqued my curiosity regardless. The simple fact that this is another Christopher Nolan Batman film makes it a big deal, as Nolan and his crew have done so much justice to the Batman mythology, and made these movies so damn thrilling to watch. If The Avengers wasn’t coming out, The Dark Knight Rises would undoubtedly be the most anticipated film of 2012.

4. More Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ghostbusters From IDW
As a child of the ’80s, when IDW started their Ghostbusters and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ongoing titles, I naturally rushed to check them out. But I never expected that they would jump near the top of my weekly stack the way they have. With the work of fan favorite artist Dan Shoening, combined with a writing style that’s as close to the movies as we’re ever going to get, Ghostbusters has proven itself to be the best comic book version of the boys in gray that I’ve ever read. Meanwhile, Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz and Dan Duncan seem to be doing something I’ve always wanted to see done with the Ninja Turtles: They’re picking and choosing the things that have worked well in various other incarnations of the Turtles, and merging them into one series. We’ve got elements from the ’80s cartoon, mixed with a tone that’s reminiscent of both the Mirage Studios comics and the 2003 TV show, helmed by Eastman, who co-created the original comic book! It’s really a treat to read, and it’s only getting better.

5. The Rock vs. John Cena
When these two finally lock up at Wrestlemania XXVIII, the wrestling world will quake. That’s what happened 10 years ago when The Rock faced Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania, and that’s what’s going to happen this time. But it’s more than that. To many longtime wrestling fans, John Cena epitomizes the stale nature of today’s WWE product. He’s PG, he’s PC, and he’s hated by many over it. These are the fans who chant “Cena sucks!” at live events, and greet Cena with a chorus of boos when he enters an arena. In contrast, many of these same fans grew up when The Rock was at the top of the wrestling world, and have desperately missed the electricity and charisma he brings to the product. At this year’s Wrestlemania, it’s not just icon vs. icon. It’s about two generations colliding. It’s about the “Attitude Era” vs. the “PG Era.” It’s about what the fans want from their wrestling. And I can’t wait.

Front page image from movies.sky.com. Image 1 from hollywoodgo.com. Image 2 from blogomatic3000.com. Image 3 from undertheradarmag.com. Image 5 from fanpop.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. R.K…Uh oh…
Oh jeez. Well, this isn’t good. Randy Orton, one of WWE’s two or three biggest draws, is now out for about six months with what is apparently an injured back.

Obviously it’s never good to lose one of your big name stars to injury, the loss of Randy Orton is particularly unfortunate when it comes to WWE’s B-Show, Friday Night Smackdown. Orton is Smackdown‘s most popular star. He’s not always in the most prevalent story beat on the show. But he’s the guy that consistently gets the biggest pops of the night, and is drawing the most money. Not having him around means WWE needs to find another big star to take his spot for the foreseeable future. They won’t match his popularity right away, but they can groom him to be Smackdown‘s next major marquee talent.

The only real choice for Orton’s spot seems to be Sheamus. Yes, Daniel Bryan is the World Champion on Smackdown right now, but that’s because WWE is still trying to build him into a big name, and they’re using the title as a means to that end. Sheamus has been steadily built up by WWE over the past few years, and even has his fair share of mainstream media experience to boot, having appeared on both Conan and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. He’s got a very distinct look, a decent amount of charisma, and has done quite well transitioning into a likable babyface. He’s even got a catchy new nickname in “The Great White.” The fact that he’s replacing Randy Orton in house show matches against Wade Barrett certainly seems to indicate that he’s the man for the job.

The Big Show is also more than capable of contributing, as he’s been doing a fine job working with Mark Henry these past few months. With any luck, Daniel Bryan will be able to build a bit of momentum and contribute. If all else fails, John Cena and CM Punk can always help hold down the fort every so often. But the focus should be Sheamus. His time needs to start now.

2. The Flames of Hate
Speculation has been running rampant these past few weeks about whether a heel turn is in John Cena’s future. The majority of grown male fans have been booing Cena for years, and the die-hard wrestling audience has been calling for it for the longest time. But Cena’s upcoming Wrestlemania match with the ever-popular Rock, combined with Kane calling for Cena to “embrace the hate” this week on Raw, not to mention the recent “Cena Sucks” shirt WWE put on the market, have added a good amount of fuel to the speculation.

WWE has kept Cena as the straight-laced hero for so long because he sells merchandise, pulls in TV ratings, and is WAY over with young kids. That being said, the majority of the fans (at least those at attend WWE events) are booing him. Watch him come to the ring on an episode of Raw. Initially, all you hear are boos. They’ve been playing with that a decent amount this year, acknowledging it more than they ever have. But the big question is, will they actually do it? Would WWE actually pull the trigger on turning their biggest hero into bad guy?

Personally, I think now is as good a time as ever to do it. I’m not one of those fans that always complains about Cena, but keeping him in the role he’s in now is a very safe thing to do. It’s been the safe thing to do for at least two or three years now. I think if WWE wants to continue to grow and evolve they need to try this, simply to freshen Cena’s character up a bit. I think it was Roddy Piper who once said that Cena is “too company,” i.e. he’s become WWE’s poster boy to such an extent that it’s putting a damper on his work. And he’s right. Cena’s promos sound like WWE press releases. He needs to reinvent himself as someone who’s not that guy, for his own longevity if nothing else. In recent interviews, Cena has talked about wanting to be around for several more years. That’s not going to work if he’s still doing all the same stuff. Huk Hogan, Bret Hart, Steve Austin and The Rock all went through periods where they turned to the dark side, if only for a little while, and they came out stronger for it. Now it’s Cena’s turn. If it doesn’t work, they can always transition him back into a babyface role.

I can certainly see how WWE would be concerned about merchandise sales if Cena turned, but I don’t think ratings would suffer at all, especially during those first few weeks. A Cena heel turn would likely garner a lot of attention from fans who’ve turned away from wrestling in recent years, much like Hogan’s heel turn in WCW did. That’s not to say it would usher in a new “boom period,” but it would certainly turn a lot of heads.

The ironic thing? I’ll betcha a hundred bucks all the adult male fans start cheering for Cena after he turns heel. It might take a few months, but it’ll happen.

Front page image from bleacherreport.com. Orton image from randyorton4u.com. Cena image 1 from 4shared.net. Cena image 2 from famouspict.blogspot.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

Well, it’s finally here! A trailer for The Dark Knight Rises that gives us a look at Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, Tom Hardy as Bane, and the story itself. If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look before we dive in.

I remember seeing one of the first trailers for The Dark Knight, where we saw Heath Ledger’s Joker for the first time.   The trailer was an experience in and of itself, as it was our long-awaited payoff after the final scene in Batman Begins. Plus, seeing Ledger’s Joker was obviously amazing. It was simply a well done, suspenseful piece of film that left me clamoring for more. I don’t have that same feeling with this one. Initially, that made me nervous that TDKR has a case of “third movie syndrome” (see The Godfather Part III, Spider-Man 3, X-Men: The Last Stand, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, etc). But it’s actually starting to grow on me, and I’ve found myself with a renewed anticipation for it.

Though it’s inevitable, it’s not necessarily fair to compare TDKR to The Dark Knight. The latter had more going for it in terms of Batman mythology, i.e. characters that a lot of people knew. We had The Joker and Two-Face, arguably the two most notorious enemies Batman has. The Joker is certainly the most famous. These were two of the characters everybody wanted to see after Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight delivered on just about every conceivable level. A story like that is tremendously difficult to follow, and it’s going to prove tremendously difficult for TDKR to step out of it’s predecessor’s shadow.

Still, one of the many things I give Nolan’s Batman films endless credit for is the fact that they’ve made Bruce Wayne’s personal journey a pivotal part of this saga. In Batman Begins, he became the hero and the symbol. In The Dark Knight, he was forced to face the consequences of many of his actions. TDKR seems to continue this trend, as it appears he’ll have to bring himself to return to his hero role after a long time away. In many ways this runs counter to what the older Batman films did, especially the Schumacher films, which focused much more on the zany, colorful villains.

I’m very much intrigued by one of Selina Kyle’s lines in the trailer. As she dances with Bruce Wayne, she talks about a storm coming, and tells him: “You and your friends better batten down the hatches. Because when it hits, you’re all going to wonder how you ever thought you could live so large, and leave so little for the rest of us.” Obviously, this suggests an uprise against the wealthy. This would certainly be timely, considering what we’re seeing these days with things like the Occupy Wall St. protests. That kind of angle would undoubtedly make a lot of people angry. But I think it would go a long way in proving that superhero stories can be about more than action and suspense.

Incidentally, the action looks like it will be as thrilling as ever, and the acting seems great, but there are two things from this trailer that made me roll my eyes a bit. The first was the shot of the football field crumbling behind a player as he’s running toward the end zone, the event evidently caused by explosives planted underground by Bane. The show this guy running down the field while this gaping chasm is opening up, the ground is exploding, other players are falling in. But does he notice? NOPE. He gets to the end zone, turns around, and has an Wile E. Coyote “Yipes!” moment. C’mon, bro! You didn’t hear the sound of the friggin’ world caving in about a foot behind you? Were you that anxious to score a touchdown and do a silly little dance? See, this is why I don’t watch football…

My second bone to pick is the way TDKR is being marketed as the end of Nolan’s Batman legend. The trailer calls the film “The Epic Conclusion to the Dark Knight Legend,” and tells us “The Legend Ends.” This is stupid. Yes, I know these taglines refer to the fact that this likely Christopher Nolan’s last Batman movie. But even if Nolan and company don’t come back and do another Batman film, the franchise has brought in too much money for Warner Bros. to put it on the shelf after TDKR. Somebody’s going to have the unenviable task of following all of this with either a continuation, or a new continuity altogether. So why confuse people by calling this the “end” of Batman? Stop shoving that down our throats, guys. Because even you know it’s not true.

Is anybody else getting a vibe similar to Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns from this trailer? That book, which  (to put it mildly) revolutionized the Batman mythos, sees an older Bruce Wayne return to the Batman role after years away from it, to once again bring his own brand of justice to Gotham. TDKR certainly seems to be painted with similar textures.

If I seem like I’m being harsh on TDKR, I don’t mean to be. I’m just a die-hard Batman fan keeping a sharp eye on the latest installment of his favorite franchise. We’re certainly seeing our fair share of speculation, which is always great for business. For what it’s worth, I’ve also had that “Rise” chant stuck in my head for the last few days…

Front page image from darkknightrisesrumors.com. Image 1 from undertheradarmag.com. Image 2 from stuffwelike.com. Image 3 from collider.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Nyuking It Up
The trailer for the Farrelly Brothers’ upcoming adaptation of The Three Stooges came out this week. The reception hasn’t exactly been generous. Go ahead and judge for yourself…

As a lifelong Stooge fan, I’ve got mixed feelings. On one hand, it’s surreal to see anyone playing Moe, Larry and Curly except, well…Moe, Larry and Curly. In terms of their show business personalities, Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Howard were these characters. So to have anyone else playing them naturally feels like a cheap knockoff, especially because the classic shorts have been around for so long. Snooki of The Jersey Shore fame is also an unwelcome sight. The general public doesn’t seem to have a very favorable impression of her, which the trailer tries to take advantage of. But it reeks of the film trying to get extra publicity from her, which I don’t appreciate. The Three Stooges are American comedy icons. A movie based on their work shouldn’t need to resort to cheap tricks like that at this stage of the game.

On the other hand, the movie obviously has good intentions. If you watch some of the well-known Farrelly Brothers stuff, i.e. Dumb & Dumber, There’s Something About Mary and Me, Myself & Irene, the Stooges’ influence on their work is rather obvious. What we’re seeing here is a loving tribute to perhaps the greatest comedy team in American history. Yes, Hollywood is cashing yet again, but that’s not all we’re looking at.

The worrisome element here is that this isn’t a biopic. It’s a story starring the characters of the Three Stooges. The Farrellys are asking their three main actors, Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes and Will Sasso, to duplicate something that really can’t be duplicated. It’s one thing to be able to impersonate Curly, it’s another thing to try and capture the kind of chemistry these performers had when they were on camera together. Larry, Moe and Curly were like a torrential force of slapstick, personality and timing the likes of which is rarely seen anywhere. To have different actors simply impersonate them may not hold up very well for an entire movie, even if the impressions are pretty good, as they are here. I imagine it’s kind of like seeing an Elvis impersonator. You appreciate the tribute, but past that, does the presentation hold any water of its own? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on what the presentation consists of.

Regardless of what people are saying, I will probably end up seeing The Three Stooges out of respect for the original performers and their legacy. Moviegoers should walk in knowing that what their seeing is a tribute to these frankly amazing men and what they gave to the world. If it falls flat it’s not going to hurt the memory of the real Stooges. Plus, if it gets some younger folks to look at the old shorts, on some level it will have been worth it. This film is a big risk, but it’s a risk worth taking.

2. R.I.P. Jerry Robinson
Very sad to hear of the passing of Jerry Robinson December 7 at the age of 89. Anyone who enjoys Batman stories and the world of Gotham City should tip their hat to this man. While Bob Kane is widely credited as the creator of the Caped Crusader, Jerry Robinson was the man who developed the original looks of characters like The Joker, Alfred and Two-Face. He also came up with the name “Robin” for Batman’s young sidekick.

There’s some controversy as to what Robinson’s role actually was in the creation of The Joker. As the story goes, he came in with a joker playing card as the inspiration for a new villain for Batman. Conflicting stories have been told about how extensively Robinson was involved from there. But Robinson is generally credited as the man who created the character, and played a key role in the creation of a franchise that continues to thrill fans young and old to this day.

Robinson was also a major advocate of creators’ rights, and notably supported Superman creators Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster in obtaining credit and compensation for their work on the character.

In a press release, DC co-publisher Jim Lee said: “Jerry Robinson illustrated some of the defining images of pop culture’s greatest icons. As an artist myself, it’s impossible not to feel humbled by his body of work. Everyone who loves comics owes Jerry a debt of gratitude for the rich legacy that he leaves behind.”

Front page image from marquee.blogs.cnn.com. Stooges and Robinson images from latimes.com.