TITLE: Superman #245
AUTHORS: Edmond Hamilton, Gardner Fox, et al.
ARTISTS: Curt Swan, Carmine Infanito, Al Plastino, Gil Kane, et al.
COLLECTS: Superman #167 (Feb. 1964), Kid Eternity #3 (Autumn, 1946), The Atom #3 (Oct.-Nov., 1962), All-Star Western #117 (Feb.-Mar. 1961), Detective Comics #66 (Aug., 1942), Mystery in Space #88  (Feb. 1964), Superman #87 (Feb. 1954)
PUBLISHER: DC Comics
ORIGINAL PRICE: 50 cents
RELEASE DATE: December 1971-January 1972

By Mike Bessler
Contributor, Commisar of Comic Book History

Superman #245 is one of those books that you might easily overlook as you thumb through the dollar box of your local comic shop. It’s basically a collection of reprints issued as a “DC 100 Page Super Spectacular,” a format that was moderately popular in the early 1970’s. We all know that reprints rarely accrue much in the way of value even after several decades. But what makes this particular issue a  true “hidden gem” is the sheer volume of reading material and classic comic art in this inexpensive volume.

Please bear with me as I provide a self-indulgent flashback of what this book means to me:  When I was much younger (say 12 or 13 years old) there weren’t many comic shops near my home. My best bet of landing back issues back then was the few times a year when the local shopping mall would host an “antique show” in which various and sundry dealers would set up kiosks full of their wares throughout the building. The collectibles booths were always my favorite places to visit and I could always count on one or two comic dealers showing up.

I distinctly remember buying my copy of Superman #245 as part of a “five for a dollar” deal from one of these “antique show” comic book sellers. I don’t remember any of the other books I got that day but I do remember walking away from the booth with my mom feeling like she had just given me a bag full of treasures. Never mind that my new-found Superman #245 had a huge strip missing from the cover, (looking as if someone had stuck a piece of masking tape across it and then slowly and painfully peeled it off);  Never mind the fact that it was well-read, dinged up and generally falling apart;  Never mind it was a collection of reprints; Superman #245 was a special find on a special day and, yeah, it’s got a lot of sentimental value in that respect. On top of all that, though, it was absolutely crammed full of Golden Age and Silver Age material and I have appreciated the vintage material from an early age.

The linchpin of this collection is the three-part “novel” entitled “The Team of Luthor and Brainiac,” which is reprinted from Superman #167 (Feb. 1964). This is a multifaceted tale featuring a team-up of Superman’s most diabolical foes.  Although Luthor and Brainiac eventually get the jump on Supes, their partnership starts to unravel as a result of the mutual mistrust that super-villain types tend to experience when working together. The Man of Tomorrow tips the scales back in his favor when he garners an assist from Kandor’s “army of Supermen.”  Later in the tale, the Kandorians themselves ultimately capture Brainiac and put him on trial for high crimes against the Kryptonian people…with Lex Luthor acting as as defense counsel for the accused!

Yes, folks…This one’s got it all. Everything that one should expect in a pre-Crisis Superman yarn is contained in this three-chapter page-turner, including a trip to the Fortress of Solitude, a visit to the miniature Kryptonian city of Kandor, journeys to fantastic far-off worlds, amazing secret weapons and astounding feats of super-strength. Along the way, readers learn the secret origins of Brainiac as well as Brainiac 5 (of the Legion of Super Heroes).

As if all that wasn’t enough, this collection includes some fabulous tales featuring some relatively obscure heroes of the 1940’s. Kid Eternity #3 (Autumn 1946) pits Kid Eternity and his sidekick Keep against a gang of art thieves who have heisted Rembrandt’s celebrated painting, “The Night Watch.” Our hero gets a helping hand against the thugs from the likes of Nostradamus, Socrates, Jevert Dusty and a number of other historical figures and fictional characters, all of whom are conjured when Kid exclaims the magic word, “Eternity!” The creepy and almost ethereal artwork of artist Mac Raboy (who did some of his best work in Fawcett-era Captain Marvel Jr. stories) gives this story an uncommon feel, transcending the “campiness” that’s often associated with Golden Age material.

Golden Age hero Air Wave makes an appearance in this anthology in a story entitled “The Adventure of the Shooting Spooks” from Detective Comics #66 (Aug., 1942). In this tale, Air  Wave’s alter ego Larry Jones is framed for the murder of the city D.A. through the chicanery of a gang of sheet-wearing “spooks” and  Air Wave and his feathered pal Static have to bust out of the clink to bring the real killers to justice.

This 100-Page Giant also includes a batch of Silver Age goodness, including “The Crowning of Super-Chief” from All-Star Western #117 (Feb.-Mar. 1961). This unusual epic re-presents the first appearance and origin of American Indian hero Super Chief.

Later in this issue, Hawkman does battle with a free-wheeling bandit in “The Super-Motorized Menace” from Mystery in Space #88. If you’ve ever wondered how a guy with wings would fare in a battle against a crook who can create tornado-force winds with the exhaust from his motorcycle, this tale answers that question once and for all. Really.

The Atom takes on “Genius of Time” Chronos in the story from “The Time Trap,” reprinted from The Atom #3 (Oct.-Nov., 1962). I’ve never been the biggest fan of The Atom but you just can’t go wrong with a story written by longtime Golden Age Flash creator Gardner Fox and penciled by legendary artist Gil Kane. Incidentally, Chronos sports one of my favorite super-villain costumes of all time, looking like something of a cross between Kang the Conqueror and The Royal Flush Gang (How’s that for a geeky reference, y’all?)

Rounding out Superman #245 is another tale starring the Man of Steel himself. “The Prankster’s Greatest Role” was originally presented in Superman #87 (Feb. 1954) and it’s a vintage story from the close of comicdom’s Golden Age. If The Joker and Mr. Mxyzptlk could somehow have a kid, the offspring would probably look a lot like the whimsical evildoer known as The Prankster. In typical fashion, The Prankster torments and extorts the hapless Metropolis bourgeoisie only to be opposed – and ultimately thwarted — by the fabled “Only Son of Krypton.”  Is it predictable? Sure. But it’s fun all the same!

For my money, Superman #245 is the stuff of wonderfully lazy summer afternoons. True enthusiasts of the super hero genre can easily kill several hours in a lawn chair or hammock as they digest some classics of pop culture. As a kid, I re-read my tattered old copy of this comic book over and over again. Over 20 years later, I found a nicer copy at a comic shop I was more than happy to shell out another buck or two so that I’d have a backup copy that would look swell on my “wall of fame.” Thing is, I’ve read that one a few times over that past few years too and now it’s showing all the signs of a well-read copy, too. Yep, that’s how much I love this comic book. After all, these things are for reading…aren’t they?

By the way:  Thanks Mom..24 years later!

Image from rcrawford79.wordpress.com

By Adam Testa
Staff Writer, Secret Weapon

A six-year journey comes to a close Sunday.

Fans across the world are preparing in their own ways to bid adieu to Jack Shepard, the strong-headed doctor; James Ford, the sarcastic con man; Hugo Reyes, the lovable yet unlucky everyman and Kate Austen, the downright beautiful fugitive.

Others have come and gone through the year, some – like sympathetic musician Charlie Pace – brought on sadness in departure, while the deaths of others – like the diamond-thieving Nikki Fernandez and Paulo – brought wide-grin smiles to millions of viewers.

Through it all, the creators of Lost and the actors who have beautifully portrayed the characters we know, love, hate and, in the case of Michael Emerson’s Ben Linus, love to hate, have created a television masterpiece filled with humor, happiness, sadness, drama, suspense, love and – possibly most importantly – mystery.

From the opening scene of Jack awaking in the jungle to the closing scene of “What They Died For” on Tuesday, Lost has kept viewers hooked, leading many to the internet where theories, spoilers and even interactive content building the canon and backstory of the show and, in particular, the Dharma Initiative.

When the show launched in 2004, critics instantly criticized the concept of the show with remarks ranging from calling it a modern-age Gilligan’s Island to insisting there’d be no way to maintain momentum for a show of this nature, given the improbability of adding new characters and creating compelling storylines for more than a season or two.

Boy did Carlton Cuse, Damon Lindelof and their team of writers prove the critics wrong.

Sure, some of the show’s plots – including the introduction of time travel in season five and the creation of an alternate, seemingly parallel universe when Juliet Burke detonated a nuclear bomb on the island – have drawn ire from certain sects of the audience, but any show with as much mystery, intrigue and science fiction in a realistic environment as Lost will suffer in this regard.

Perusing message boards, spoiler sites and social networking tools, people seem to have adopted a new complaint in the weeks leading up to Sunday’s two-and-a-half-hour premiere: there will be too many unanswered questions.

Reading many of these comments causes one to wonder if people really live in a society where everything needs to spelled out word-for-word. The absence of answers to some of the lesser mysteries of the show adds a new level of comprehension and allows each viewer to draw their own conclusion.

In the finale, is it reasonable to expect to find out why it seemed like a bird called Hurley’s name in the finales of the first two seasons? No. Does that really matter when only four of the main passengers of Oceanic Flight 815 are alive and trying to make a checkmate play against the smoke monster that’s inhabited John Locke’s body?

Lost has always been a show about character building, and that’s what viewers should be hoping to see from the series finale.

Each of the characters has changed in his or her own way, and fans should take pleasure in laying witness to the final stages of their transformations and stop complaining that there may never be an answer to minuscule questions.

Jack has made a 180-degree turn, from being the man of science to Locke’s man of faith to officially drinking the Kool-Aid (or water-turned-to-wine or whatever it was that Jacob gave him in Tuesday’s episode).

Ben, on the other hand, appears to have possibly come full circle. After being built as a tremendous villain and evil character, he found a sense of redemption earlier this season in “Dr. Linus,” but this week, his evil ways resurfaced… or did they?

Hurley has come a long way from being the butt of Sawyer’s jokes to being a true leader amongst the group.

And Kate? Well, she’s still pretty worthless in most fans’ eyes.

But each of these characters has come a long way since their flight crashed on the island, and on Sunday, fans everywhere will watch as they take their final steps.

There’s sure to be sadness, as death appears imminent for at least a few more castaways. Hopefully each will receive the proper farewell they deserve, much like former Iraqi Guard torturer Sayid Jarrah, who made the ultimate sacrifice to save his friends, and Sun and Jin Kwon, the couple who saved their marriage on the island and who died together shortly after reunited after a long separation.

Lost has much to do in the finale, but the creators have proven their ability to tell a masterful story in a short period, and this episode should be no different. Surely there will be fans upset with the ending of the show, but at the same time, there will be those who find it perfectly fitting.

This could continue with countless theories and speculation on what awaits, but if that’s the information one seeks, there are ample other places with much more avid fans as writers than this humble author.

I’m merely here as my way of mourning the end of an empire, the final days before an epic saga comes to a close. Everyone will come to acceptance in their own ways, and this has been mine.

I’ll you see in another life, brotha.

P.S. Here’s one theory I need to share: Vincent will play a major role in the finale, and it will be revealed that he’s been more than a simple-minded yellow lab all along. Mark my words.

By Justin Polak
Co-Founder, Ambassador to the Mushroom Kingdom

Making fun of a video game movie is easy as playing Tetris on the lowest possible speed. How many times have you watched or read something on the internet that bashed video game movies? Don’t get me wrong, they’re great targets, and when you have a talented reviewer trash anything that’s a big, fat turd you will be thoroughly entertained when all is said and done.

I want to try something different.  I am going to list ten random video game related movies that come to mind, and I will actually point out their positive aspects. Hey, someone has to be nice, right?

10. Silent Hill — Any Silent Hill fan will acknowledge that if the movie did anything right, it would have to be the visuals. The special effects, cinematography, and sets were so well crafted that I actually thought the movie was good when I first watched it. It also helped that some of Akira Yamakoa’s atmospheric music was borrowed from the games. Despite the bad acting and odd pacing, Silent Hill is worth a watch if you are a big fan of the series, strictly because of how accurate it mirrors the style of the games.

Dennis Hopper as King Koopa. Photo from unrealitymag.com

9. Super Mario Bros. — Oh yeah, I am already taking this bad boy on.  How could I possibly say anything good about this train wreck? Well, as much as it pains me to admit this, I actually kind of liked the idea of the boots…and…uh, I think Nintendo has learned their lesson to stay the hell away from live action movies. Damn, this is harder than I thought! The Mario Bros. costumes were actually pretty good. It also took Dennis Hopper down a peg. I don’t know why I feel this way, but that guy just bugs me!

8. Resident Evil — Milla Jovovich. She has a knack for being in bad movies and making her entertaining to watch. And I’m not saying that because she has no qualms with doing nude scenes! And if you thought this movie was bad don’t watch the other two. It got worse. The soundtrack composed by Marilyn Manson fit perfectly with the movie’s scenery and feel. I was surprised it turned out so well since it was a solo effort and Manson mainly sticks to writing lyrics. I’ll also say that the action sequences were fun in a popcorn movie way, as it should be for a film of this kind. Resident Evil 4 even stole the laser room sequence from this movie!

7. Postal — That’s right, I am going to say something good about a Uwe Boll movie. I feel dirty even acknowledging this, but Postal made me laugh without it being unintentionally funny. Granted, Postal is a terrible movie, but Uwe Boll has made progress. The best scene in this film is when the game creator appears in a scene out of nowhere complaining that the movie is nothing like the game. Boll argues back and insists that he is a genius or something like that. Then they start to brawl. Creativity! Boll actually has it from time to time!

Photo from www.overthinkingit.com

6. Street Fighter — I have always thought people were way too hard on this movie. I mean, did anyone expect a movie based off of loose plotlines from a fighting game to be good? While a better movie could have been made, I wouldn’t change Street Fighter for the world. Raul Julia clearly enjoys himself as he devours the scenery, spits it back up, and devours it AGAIN. Jean-Claude Van Damme turns in an equally hammy performance. I have suspected that this movie was intentionally made to be so bad it’s good. And of course, this movie gave us the, “Quick!  Change the channel!” scene. Priceless.

5. Mortal Kombat — While a good number of gamers feel that this flick is the best video game movie of all time despite falling into mediocrity, I still feel I should speak up to all the naysayers out there. Mortal Kombat is just a fun movie. Stop taking it so seriously. Again, what do you expect from a script based off of a fighting game backstory? I view this movie as homage to old kung fu movies. I also thought that Robin Shou made an excellent Liu Kang. The movie’s soundtrack was superb, and how can anyone not like the Mortal Kombat theme song? It gets my blood pumping, at least.

Image from news.filefront.com

4. Double Dragon — Otherwise known as “The T-1000 vs. Two Homosexuals,” Double Dragon has achieved legendary status for being such an awful movie. I am surprised that the universe didn’t collapse when Andy Dick played himself as a weatherman. I didn’t make that up. And they drive a vehicle called the Dragon Wagon. Alyssa Milano is in it, and when a female antagonist knocks her to the ground she says to Alyssa, “Who’s the boss now?!” This is the only movie I have even seen that goes from being so bad it’s good to being just awful, and then morphing into so bad it’s hysterical. Go look up a picture of Robert Patrick from this movie if you haven’t seen it already. Do it, I’ll wait…I know, right? Double Dragon is worth watching at least once because the first watch experience is so surreal.

3. Doom — Despite the fact that they unnecessarily changed the monsters from demons into genetic experiments, Doom got the tone of the video game right. Well, at least Doom 3. I also thought the ballsy move of making The Rock a villain was a good idea. Most producers would give in and have him take the lead role since he was the biggest name in the picture. Though Karl Urban isn’t exactly an unknown actor, especially after Star Trek, his role as a normal marine, or “Doomguy” if you prefer, fit perfectly. Although it could have been shot much better, the first person sequence was interesting enough for me to be entertained, even if it did come off as trying too hard.

2) The Wizard — Another movie that gamers love to rip apart, The Wizard was a shameless commercial for all things Nintendo, The Power Glove (it’s so bad), and especially Super Mario Bros. 3. I mean, that was HUGE. This was the days before the internet, so the announcement of SMB3 totally blindsided us as kids, and watching it just for that nostalgic moment alone is fun in itself. Despite how corny and melodramatic the story came off, I personally love The Wizard because it reminds me of 1989, and how lucky I feel to have been a child during that time. Back in those days, we dressed like colorblind people and spouted hokey catchphrases because it was cool, not ironic! It’s also amusing to see how Nintendo thought the world was like back then. Yes, apparently everybody played video games, even businessmen! Maybe they thought the arcade boom never died out?

1. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children — People who claim this movie sucks are gamers that love to hate Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy in general, or take life way too seriously. While Advent Children isn’t as much of a masterpiece as a Square-Enix fanboy would have you believe, by no means is it a bad video game movie. I got exactly what I wanted out of a movie sequel that spawned from a thirty to forty hour video game: awesome action scenes, beautiful CGI, fanservice, remixed music, and countless references to the actual game.

Image from wired.com

To put it simply, Advent Children is the best video game movie out there. Square-Enix didn’t worry if you’ve played the game before because they were smart enough to know that the only people who care enough to watch it would have played Final Fantasy VII dozens of times. I’d rather see a movie like Advent Children than a half-hearted attempt at a video game movie that vaguely resembles the original product. I know that a better video game-based movie can be made, but so far…this is the best we’ve got.
______________________

While I know it is very unlikely I’ll see a video game based movie that is truly good, I still secretly hold out hope that one day we gamers will get a movie that just about everybody can agree was worth watching. A couple of movies have come close, or took a few steps in the right direction, but there are far more that are complete garbage.

I guess I just try to enjoy these films for what they are no matter if they are good or bad. The way I look at it, you could always make even the worst video game movie fun to watch if you gather some friends around the TV and suffer together. That’s how I was able to watch most of these movies on this list!

Image from rowthree.com

By Eric Stuckart
Creator, Destroyer

According to Ain’t It Cool News, Robert Rodriguez released a new trailer for Machete today. Originating as  a fake trailer played during the theatrical release of Grindhouse, Machete was a fan favorite and expanded into a full length motion picture.

The action flick, which finished filming last year and is set to release theatrically this September, is starring Danny Trejo and features a variety of acting talent, from B listers such as Jeff Fahey and Steven Seagal to Robert DeNiro, Michelle Rodriguez, and Lindsay Lohan and is said to be a total “Mexploitation” film.

UPDATE: Seeing as the youtube video already got pulled, check out the trailer here.

By Mike Bessler
Staff Writer, Show Stopper

Golden Age comic book hero Airboy made his first appearance in Air Fighters Comics #2, which was published by Hillman Periodicals way back in 1942.  Air Fighters – eventually re-christened as Airboy Comics following readers’ favorable reception to the dashing young air ace – was a signature comic magazine of World War era, presenting a colorful cast of heroes and villains in a cavalcade of high-flying, “shoot ‘em up” war stories.  In the years following World War II, things for the comics industry changed dramatically and sales of most comics slumped with war comics – as well as westerns and crime stories – dipping to unprecedented lows. By 1953, Hillman stopped publishing comics altogether, effectively mothballing the Airboy crew until Eclipse Comics obtained the rights to the characters in the mid 1980’s.

It was mid-1995 when I first discovered the Eclipse run of Airboy.  The find was one of those legitimately serendipitous moments that ultimately changed the face of my comic collecting forever.  A local second-hand book store had packaged bunches of miscellaneous back issues into “grab bags” to liquidate their overstock quickly and I bought two or three of them at a few bucks a piece to read during some down time over the summer.  In the bags I found a typical assortment of Marvel and DC books and a handful of Eclipse Airboy comics, including the first few issues of the series.  I initially viewed them with decidedly low expectations as I had never been much of a fan of independent and non-Marvel/DC stuff up to that point (barring a few obvious exceptions, such as Walt Kelly’s Pogo, Eastman and Laird’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the like).

*     *     *

I was fortunate to start my reading right at the beginning with a copy of Airboy #1 and it’s something of an understatement to say that I was pleasantly surprised with the reading experience.  At the time, I knew nothing of the original Golden Age Air Fighters and Airboy comics (although I suppose I should have, considering I had been a comic fan and collector since kindergarten or so), so the “Reborn!” issue was really a crash-course of introduction to several of the main characters including the original Airboy, David Nelson II.

This issue opens with the original Airboy in a dire state of torment.  Although Nelson has matured from a young and impulsive World War II ace into a successful aeronautics tycoon, he is effectively depicted as a brooding shadow of his former self, detached from his friends and family, including his arch-foe turned ally Hirota and nelson’s own son, David “Davy” Nelson III.

By the end of Airboy #1 (“Reborn!”), the original Airboy is assassinated by a band of air bandits leaving Hirota and David to avenge his murder.  Through issue #2 (The Wolf and the Phoenix”) and issue #3 (“Enter – The Heap!”), the team enlists the help of other Golden Age air fighters, including the battle-hardened Skywolf and the former German WWI ace turned swamp creature known as “The Heap.”  A colorful cast of characters (including a blind shaman who is hopelessly hooked on Dr. Pepper and a band of Cold War-era revolutionaries) lead Davy  – now taking his rightful place in history as the new Airboy – and his friends to the Latin American country of Bogantilla to do battle with the people responsible for the death of the original Airboy.  The villains of the tale are an oddly intriguing duo of a Reagan-loving right-wing dictator General Ortista and Golden Age Airboy nemesis Misery.

The ultimate showdown comes in Airboy #4 (“Join the Airfighters”) and Airboy #5 (“The Return of Valkryie”) in which the new Airfighters storm Ortista’s stronghold in Bogantilla to do battle with the bad guys and their minions.  In addition to avenging the death of his father, Davy Nelson frees ex-Nazi turned Airfighter Valkyrie from Misery’s clutches, bringing her back from the depths of limbo.  He soon learns that Valkyrie – who hasn’t aged a day since World War II –  has a storied and complicated past that will ultimately bring all sorts of questions and drama to bear.

*     *     *

All of the old comic book clichés fit the early issues of Eclipse’s Airboy series.  It’s an action-packed, hard-hitting thrill ride with story and art that practically jumps off the page.  Chuck Dixon’s tremendous writing is marvelously complimented by the artwork of Timothy Truman and Tom Yeates.  I was  – no lie – hopelessly hooked after reading the first five issues of Airboy back in ‘95 and spent the better part of the next year sitting on dusty comic shop floors hunting for back issues.  Because this was just before eBay revolutionized the collectibles market, it took a bit of creativity and persistence on my part to collect the entire 50-issue run and at one point I even purchased a fistful of issues directly from former Eclipse Editor-in-Chief cat yronwode.  At the end of my quest, I had scored all of the Airboy issues and virtually every Airboy spin-off, including the great Skywolf 3-issue mini series (1987) and the Eclipse answer to Crisis on Infinite Earths, Total Eclipse.  As time went on and I got a real job that paid real money, I got into collecting the vintage Hillman Airboy issues from World War II and beyond.  To this day, I am always looking to score Golden Age Airboy issues whenever I hit a comic convention or discover a new shop.

Todd McFarlane obtained the rights to the Airboy cast through the liquidation of Eclipse Enterprises some years ago and resurrected The Heap in 1992 for a short run in Spawn.  In 2009, longtime Airboy writer Chuck Dixon launched a new round of stories of the Golden Age Airboy under the banner of Moonstone Comics.  Further issues are planned for 2010.

Not every great comic book is worth hundreds or thousands of dollars and the Eclipse Airboy issues are still easy to find at great prices on eBay and other comic sites.  The cross-genre appeal of this series speaks to nostalgia buffs, war enthusiasts and adventure fans everywhere.

Eclipse’s Airboy series is truly an under-appreciated gem of the Modern Age of comics and comic fans would do well to discover this for themselves.

By Justin Polak
Co-Founder, Ambassador to the Mushroom Kingdom

And now, the worlds-shattering conclusion to Justin Polak’s look at Worlds of Power: Mega Man 2, only at Primary Ignition.

Chapter 11: Heat Man’s world was like a giant furnace, pulsing with red-hot currents of air. Everything was the color of flame: Mega Man saw nothing but red, orange, and yellow, wherever he looked.

This passage made me laugh pretty hard because it’s almost as if the author said, “Man, it is hard to translate NES graphics into a book, even if it is a children’s book!” I can just imagine a frustrated man with scraggily hair with his hands on top of his head at a loss as to how to describe why even the bricks in Heat Man’s level are as red as the lava itself. With a mountain of crumpled up pieces of paper surrounding his desk, he suddenly looks skyward as he shouts Heat Man’s name in pure rage.

Game Hint: “To challenge Dr. Wily, you must complete all nine missions.  Follow the order in this book for the best results.”

Wait, what?  There are only eight robot masters! Did he miscount? Does he believe that all the Wily levels are all one mission? Now matter how you slice it this hint is TERRIBLE. You mean the game won’t let you go straight to Dr. Wily BEFORE taking on all the robot masters threatening the world? That Mega Man should miss out on thieving their powers to turn them against Wily? Come to think of it, Dr. Light seems to be able to teleport Mega Man anywhere in the world. Why wouldn’t he just put the blue bomber right next to Wily? Going by that theory, if Light can take robots and teleport them anywhere, why wouldn’t he lock on to the eight robot masters and teleport them into the sun? See what this hint has done to me?!

Chapter 12: [describing Heat Man] The Armor surrounded him like a huge box with a lid that could snap shut when he pulled his head inside. He looked like a square turtle.

I will bet you any amount of money that the author drew the same conclusion that the rest of us did about Heat Man: The dude looks like a damn Zippo lighter. I will also bet you that he originally described Heat Man as such in the original draft, but the publisher had the author change it because a lighter’s primary function is to light cigarettes. I think you can connect the dots from here as to why a publisher would be uncomfortable with a Zippo comparison in a children’s book. I still strongly think that describing Heat Man as a square turtle is about as useful as saying that Yoshi is a green horse.

Chapter 13: He was getting used to the beating of the drums. BOOM, boom-boom, BOOM!  BOOM, boom-boom, BOOM! They were louder than ever. “What a great beat,” Mega Man said. “Too bad I don’t have any time to dance.” Then Mega Man saw an Atomic Chicken leaping toward him.

Holy hell that last line came out of nowhere! I actually know what the author is talking about, and I still gave the book a double take when reading that. In fact, I think I might try paraphrasing that line in conversations at my job.

BOSS: Have you finished those reports I gave you this morning?
ME:  Well, no.  Sorry about that, they’ll be done in a few minuets.
BOSS:  WHAT?!  Why?!
ME: Well, the system was down, so I had to manually reconfigure the network.
BOSS:  Go on…
ME: I opened to door to the network room.  Then I saw an Atomic Chicken leaping toward me.
BOSS: …clean out your desk and get the hell out of here.

Chapter 14: Right in front of him was a mean-looking robot with flames shooting out of the top of his head. He was about three feet tall, and he was wearing a tuxedo. It was Hot Head.

I guess the robot being three feet tall is accurate assuming Mega Man himself is a few inches shorter than that. This means full grown humans are roughly that tall in the Mega Man universe, as well as basically everything humanoid.  In other words, yeah, there is no way Hot Head is that short. Don’t even bother asking me where the tuxedo bit came from. I know in early video games limits concerning graphics sometimes caused a player to unintentionally view character sprites as something completely different. For example, I thought the Like Like’s in the original Zelda were a stack of pancakes! Look it up and see for yourself! However, there is no excuse why a Hot Head would be viewed to be wearing a tuxedo. With my vast Mega Man 2 knowledge and astute observations, I am again wondering why I am single.

Game Hint: “To kill Wood Man, watch out for his shield and use Heat Man’s Atomic Fire.”

Yes!  As far as I’m concerned this is the ONLY way to destroy Wood Man. Oh sure, you can be all boring and use the Metal Blades like everyone else.  Or you could feel an insane rush of power and obliterate Wood Man in one shot using a fully charged Atomic Fire, assuming you are playing on Normal. Difficult requires two shots. Either way it’s funny as hell, and it will turn you into a man, even if you are a woman.

Chapter 15: The next beam was frozen in a second. Mega Man grinned. He was safe. Mega Man kept on climbing down, activating the Time Stopper whenever he needed to.

No! You can’t do that, and reading that just pisses me off! As I made perfectly clear earlier, I love Mega Man 2 to death!   One of the few flaws I find in the game is that the Time Stopper is a one shot deal. Once you activate it, the power stays on until it runs out of energy. I know that the author played through the game, or at least saw someone play through the game. The jerk probably got stuck on the laser beam sequence in Quick Man’s level, so he used the Time Stopper. He should know that you can’t stop the power once it starts! I know I sound crazy!  As pointed out before, this kind of crap always happens when video games are imported into other media, like a movie or something. This inaccuracy drives me crazy as much as basically everything in the Street Fighter movie did. The Super Mario Bros. movie basically shut my brain down and put me in a coma.

Chapter 16: Suddenly, Mega Man heard a train behind him. “A train? What’s a train doing on top of the castle?” He turned to look. It wasn’t a train. It was a dragon. A very big dragon. Breathing fire.

That’s a pretty accurate reaction to every Mega Man 2 player’s first time encountering the dragon boss at the end of the first Wily level. Also, I imagine something that big would sound like a freight train or something akin to that. It doesn’t breathe fire until you stop and battle it, but that short and simple description of the scene does a great job in capturing the panic inducing situation. Pat yourself on the back, author!

Game Hint: You need to freeze time to beat Quick Man.

I take it back! No! Asshole, you already used Time Stopper to bypass the laser sequence in Quick Man’s level! I don’t care what you said, jerk face!  You now have no choice but to best Quick Man by using power shots or Crash Bombs! Plus, if you did have Time Stopper, it would only take off half of Quick Man’s health! AAARRRRGHHHH!!!!

Chapter 17: Then he laughed out loud. “Paging Doctor Wily!” he yelled. “Paging Doctor Wily! This is Mega Man, and I’m on my way!”

Art from wii.kombo.com

Ouch, what a terrible line. I believe I cringed reading that part as a child. To me, it sounds like a set up to a joke on Scrubs that J.D. would make in one of his many bizarre fantasies. The scene would show J.D. dressed as Mega Man trying desperately to find his mentor, Dr. Cox, dressed as Wily. As soon as he tracks him down, Cox escapes out of a window via flying saucer. If the show were still on, I would totally send that idea to Zach Braff. He would act all bored, say the joke sucks, and use it anyway.

Game Hint: To get to Heat Man, use the C weapon to cut through the wall.

No, author. That part of Heat Man’s level isn’t that hard. You don’t need Crash Bombs to avoid using the disappearing blocks to jump over a high wall. Sure, it makes that part easier, but the timing to use the blocks to your advantage is very easy to spot. The hint almost sounds like you absolutely have to use this power or there will be no chance to even make it to Heat Man. Also, why is he now describing the weapons as they appear on the pause menu? We would be smart enough to figure out how to select Atomic Fire and Metal Blade, but not Crash Bomb? What the hell, man?

Chapter 18: Mega Man turned to leave Guts-Dozer’s Garage.  He could see now that it wasn’t going to be so simple to get to Dr. Wily.  This castle really was full of booby traps.

Oh? So it took a giant tank resembling one of the robot masters from the first game to finally convince you that Wily’s Castle is full of traps? Mega Man turning into a human has made him dumber than I originally thought.

Game Hint: When you see an Air Tiki, avoid his horns.

Also, the author is dumber than I thought. You mean I should AVOID the horns instead of ramming right into them, causing Mega Man to fall to a quick death? Thanks, bro!

Chapter 19: “Oh, no!” he yelled. “Not you again!”  Air Man stood in the center of the room, hurling tornadoes at Mega Man. Dr. Wily had created a backup clone of each robot.”

Wow, Mega Man is really afraid of Air Man in this novel. Obviously, he wipes the floor with Air Man and the rest of the robot masters, but I just don’t get the big deal about Air Man. I’m guessing that, oddly enough, the author had trouble against him while playing the actual game. I don’t get it. I have played every version of Mega Man 2 out there and Air Man is always the first boss I choose to go to!  I never had any trouble beating him, but I guess it’s a different story for other players!

Game Hint: Use Air Man’s whirlwinds to defeat Crash Man, but watch out for his bombs.

Alright, another good hint. Crash Man can be bested by Air Man’s power in a couple of seconds if you use this strategy. I know I’m once again being nitpicky, but I’m pretty sure most players have figured that being hit by bombs is a bad thing. Since just about every video game from that era had bombs in them, people from my generation fear video game bombs more than explosives in the real world.

Chapter 20: Dr. Wily had created a mirage to scare Mega Man, but Mega Man had destroyed it with the Bubble Lead.

Even in the novel it sounds lame that Wily’s last measure against Mega Man is bested by a weapon that is made from Bubbles. That has always bothered me, but you have no choice but to use Bubble Lead, seeing how nothing else will work against it.

Game Hint: To get to Heat Man, use the C weapon to cut through the wall.

Nope, I didn’t make a mistake. One of the game hints is twice repeated for no reason! Or is it? I really think that the author really hated the disappearing blocks in Heat Man’s level! I guess he just couldn’t get the timing right to climb over the wall!  What pretentiousness! I bet he figured that if he couldn’t do it, no other player could!

Chapter 21: Mega Man had turned Dr. Wily over to Dr. Light for justice.  The evil genius was still begging for mercy, but Mega Man knew that Dr. Light was planning to put him into prison for the next billion years.

This is the only instance in the entire novel where something makes more sense than the game. In the actual game it is implied that after Mega Man wins against Wily in the game, he lets Wily go granting his pleas for mercy. Mega Man simply walks off in the distance, pondering his decision. Considering Wily tried to take over the world twice with robot masters and terrifying technology, you would think that the mad scientist would be thrown into a maximum security prison! Nope! In the games, Wily doesn’t get jailed until the end of Mega Man 6! Granted, at the end of Mega Man 3 he was thought to be killed, but the fact that it takes six plots to take over the world to get jailed is ludicrous. I hate to think what the crime rate is like in the Mega Man universe!

After seventy three pages of sheer adventure, the Mega Man 2 novel comes to a close. For the time, I will admit it was a good book for children, despite the problems I had with the novel. Upon doing further research I found out two important details.

First, it turns out that this book was written by a girl!  No wonder it seemed that she sucked at the game at times! I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Don’t send me hate mail!

Secondly, several NES games were turned into the “Worlds of Power” book series. Mega Man 2 is one of the two Jr. Edition books. Maybe the books that weren’t Jr. Editions were more professionally written.

Well, thanks to I-Mockery.com, I have tracked down this passage from the Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest novel:

Chapter 7 “Ghouls Just Want To Have Fun”

Tim Bradley lifted the sword that Simon had given him just after they’d arrived at the inn. He would have preferred a gun. However, Simon Belmont had informed him not only of the fact that there were no guns in Castlevania, but that even if they were imported from another dimension, they wouldn’t work here. Gunpowder didn’t explode in Castlevania. “Things work on magical principles here, Timothy,” Simon had explained. “And also on the moral laws of good and evil. This is why I am very good, and Dracula is very bad.”

I guess at the end of the day, I got off real easy.

By Justin Polak,
Co-Founder, Ambassador to the Mushroom Kingdom

Yesterday, Primary Ignition‘s own Justin Polak dove into the novelization of Mega Man 2. Today, he makes his way to the murky depths, looking for submerged bubbles of awkwardness.

Clearly, if I examine every single detail of this book, this article will go on for ages.  Therefore, from here on in I will pick out one part from each chapter on what I find absurd or interesting, give you my feedback and critique game hints that the author inserted throughout the book.

Chapter  1: “My latest invention,” [Dr. Light] said proudly. “The Robo-Transometer XZ-4000, With Cloning Capability.” He led Mega Man to the door. “Please step inside,” he said. ‘This won’t hurt a bit.  And when I open the door, there’ll be two of you.”

Now that actually sounds interesting. Maybe this will be some sort of creative way to have Mega Man have a set of lives like in the video game! If that turns out to be true, then props will definitely go to the author!

Chapter 2: The Robo-Transometer swung open, letting in a stream of light. Mega Man stirred. His head hurt…Mega Man blinked and looked again. He couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t a robot anymore.

Yes, you read that right. Two chapters in, and the author decided to arbitrarily make Mega Man a human! Joy! Damn it, my idea would have been so much cooler!  Dr. Light even ends up explaining that he must have pushed the wrong sequence of buttons which caused the accident to happen in the first place.  Just what the hell did Dr. Light invent? Better yet, why don’t they just make Mega Man a robot again since this machine can apparently rearrange matter itself!  Or trick Dr. Wily to step inside the machine and turn him into a pickle!

Chapter 3: Then Mega Man saw a huge tower with a big W on it.  Dr. Light had told him to watch for the tower.  The W stood for Wily.  Mega Man knew he must be getting closer to Metal Man’s secret lair, in the center of his empire.

More like a couple of feet from the lair. But hey, this book is for children who are obsessed with Mega Man, so I guess that could be forgiven. What can’t be forgiven is the, “W stood for Wily,” bit. That even pissed me off as a kid. Thanks, book! I never would have guessed!  What’s even more annoying than that is Dr. Light sent off Mega Man on his quest to stop Wily as a human. They both kind of just shrugged their shoulders and moved on. So just about every damn paragraph constantly reminds you that Mega Man is now human, and his ears hurt from the noise level in Metal Man’s stage.

Chapter 4: This was the most gigantic robot Mega Man had ever seen! It was ten times his size, towering high above him on massive legs. Its feet were the size of a small car, and its legs were like silos. ‘That must be Mr. Big,’ said Mega Man. “Doctor Light warned me about him. He’s one of Flash Man’s helpers.”

So the rock promoter from the Wayne’s World movie is not only a robot, but is programmed to kill Mega Man? That’s actually pretty cool! No, wait a minute. That doesn’t sound right…ah, I got it! The enemy that the author is trying to describe is, in fact, called Sniper Armor. It’s the vehicle that some Sniper Joes use in a few levels. With knowledge like that, I often wonder why I am not constantly swimming in an ocean of ladies.

Game Hint: “To kill Air Man, carefully jump the tornadoes to get close to him.”

Chapter 5: “…And Flash Man was no problem. These superrobots of Doctor Wily’s aren’t so tough if you know how to fight them,” said Mega Man, boasting a little.

Surely this statement won’t come back and bite Mega Man right on his fresh, human ass! Oh, and the only other thing that happens in this chapter is that Mega Man gets attacked by a Croaker and falls down a waterfall. Boy, it’s a good thing he isn’t a robot anymore!

Bubble Man. Art courtesy of PressTheButtons.com

Chapter 6: This time Mega Man couldn’t move quickly enough to dodge it. The now huge, heavy bubble rolled right over him, squashing him flat…Bubble Man gloated. “Got you, Mega Man!” he laughed. “Doctor Wily blorble will be proud of me!”

Now that’s just insulting. The first, and I believe only time that Mega Man is in any real danger is against Bubble Man of all robots!  Mega Man has two weapons when facing Bubble Man in the book, the Time Stopper and the Metal Blade. I don’t care if Mega Man is still used to being human, any idiot knows that you charge into Bubble Man with Metal Blades equipped! Dr. Light was practically screaming at Mega Man (they communicate with each other presumably through Mega Man’s helmet throughout the book) to equip the damn weapon. It’s just sad to read.

Game Hint: “Use the jet ski to get over the lava.”

Aside from the problem that if you never played Mega Man 2 before you would be slightly confused as to where the author is talking about, this is a good tip. Plus, when the player reaches the spot in question, it is obvious where the hint is referring to. There is a section in Heat Man’s level where you must control Mega Man, jumping from one disappearing block to the next, in order to avoid instant death from falling into a lava pit. The, “jet ski,” which is known as, “Item-2,” in the game will let the player easily bypass that section of the stage. Even I do it most of the time despite my badass skillz.

Chapter 7: Then, Mega Man heard what sounded like a weather report “…high winds? Gales? Hurricanes likely?  Tornado warnings for all areas? Sounds like stormy weather ahead!”

Obviously, this is in Air Man’s stage. I actually like this part, and before I re-read it after getting the book back as an adult, it was the only section I remembered word for word. Why? Because it’s actually creative!  In fact, there are a few sections in the book where the author does a good job of painting a picture for the reader. Not only does it remind you of the scenery within the video game, but it sets a definitive tone of what lies ahead. Granted, the weather in the video game’s version of Air Man’s level is nice, but since the weather report doesn’t actually came into play, I’ll let it go. Too bad the writing isn’t always this consistent.

Chapter 8: Oddly enough, there isn’t anything worth noting in this chapter! I will note that despite how melodramatic the author describes the battles leading up to Air Man, the book does describe Air Man’s level in frighteningly accurate detail…in comparison to the previous chapters of the book.

Chapter 9: [describing his Defeat of Air Man] “Oh, he was just full of hot air,” said Mega Man modestly.

Oh, really? The scariest robot you have ever seen was easy enough for you to make a pun that James Bond would be proud of? Yeah, yeah, I’m being nitpicky at this point, but the chapter was a whopping two pages in length, so the book is not giving me enough to work with! Dr. Wily threatened Mega Man over the news beam, and trash talk worthy enough for Saturday morning cartoons spilled out of Wily’s mouth, but it’s nothing you haven’t heard before in children’s media.  Hopefully, the next chapter will finally have something truly intriguing in it…

Chapter 10: The robots were mostly helmet. They looked harmless…at first. Then their helmets popped up, and their weapons popped out, aiming straight at Mega Man with deadly intent.

Awesome!  I never have seen a Neo Metall hyped up in such astronomical proportions! The Neo Metall is a variant of the often reoccurring enemy first encountered in Guts Man’s stage in the original Mega Man. It’s the yellow construction helmet that, as the book described, pops up and fires at Mega Man. As far as the original series goes, they aren’t a threat at all, despite that they charge at you if you haven’t easily destroyed them after avoiding their shot. If I had read this book before playing Mega Man 2, I totally would have freaked out upon encountering this enemy!

Game Hint: “Use the Metal Blade to cut right through Flash Man.”

Gee, thanks.  Anyone who would be interested in acquiring this book would already know that Flash Man can be dominated by Metal Blades! I think that’s the first thing you learn when you first take on Mega Man 2!

Return to Primary Ignition tomorrow for the epic conclusion of Justin’s look at World’s of Power: Mega Man 2.

By Justin Polak
Co-Founder, Ambassador to the Mushroom Kingdom

I love Mega Man 2 as much as a proud father loves a son. When I was a child, Mega Man wasn’t just a simple Nintendo game for me.  It was a freaking lifestyle. I had a rockin’ blue sweat shirt and stylin’ blue sweat pants. When I wore those clothes to school, I became Mega Man. If my mother would have let me get away with it, I would have proudly worn a blue bike helmet or something similar.

Even to this day I am filled with insurmountable joy when I run through the game.  A couple years ago I ended up playing through Mega Man 2 after getting destroyed at a bar. I had a female friend who is seven years younger than me accompany me home that night. She was too young to see the big deal about Mega Man, so in my drunken state, I educated her. I was partially blackout drunk and I still managed to beat the game with little problems. Of course, this was all because I just had to show her how awesome Quick Man’s laser death trap sequences were, but I digress…

Roughly twenty years ago, it was an average, dull day in elementary school. Every once in awhile the teacher would pass out Scholastic Book Club catalogs, and I largely ignored them. I was one of the unfortunate children that let public school ruin reading for him. However, something in that catalog caught my eye that day.  I recognized the legendary awful box art of Mega Man 2 within the catalog’s pages. Upon further investigation it turned out that it was a Mega Man 2 novel.

I think my arm transformed into a cannon at that moment. I proceeded to blast the classroom door off with a single precise shot and raced home as fast as I could. After entering my mother’s room and besting her in battle, I received the “Please Mommy Buy This For Me” power. Thankfully, she forked over the money and in a couple of weeks; the book came into my anxious hands that fateful day.

I swear to God it was the best damn book I have ever read at the time. Just the fact that one of my favorite games of all time was novelized was the most brilliant idea ever for me at that point in my life. I probably re-read the book dozens upon dozens of times that year in school.

Unfortunately, tragedy struck. At the end of the school year I accidently left the book behind during the traditional end of the year locker clean up. I actually took the loss pretty well, because as great as I thought the book was, nothing would even come close to actually playing the game. But story does not end there. A couple of years ago, it was an average, dull day in the Ice Arena Pro-Shop, where I worked at the time.  The only computer I had access to had severely filtered internet, but I was able to browse Wikipedia to my heart’s content. I was reading up on Mega Man articles on the off chance I would learn something new when I suddenly remembered the Mega Man 2 novel.  Before I knew it I was on eBay, and I easily found a copy of the book. The asking price only required an old, wrinkled American dollar, so I ended up happily purchasing the book right then and there. About a week later, I found the book in my mail box. I dropped everything I was doing and read through the book in one sitting.

Now that I’ve had a few years of owning Worlds of Power: Mega Man 2 in my adult life, I thought it would be a fun idea to revisit the book yet again and share my thoughts to all of you.  Join me, get your weapons ready, and let us blast our way through the Mega Man 2 novel!

Air Man. Art from pressthebuttons.com

Air Man was the scariest looking robot that Mega Man had ever seen.  He was big and he was strong, but the scary thing about him was his mouth.

Air Man’s mouth was a huge, gaping hole that took in air and then blew it out in terrible gusts.  Even though he was a robot, his body seemed like it was made out of clouds.  As he moved, wisps of fog drifted off his pointed shoulders.  Miniature tornadoes flew from his mouth, pointing their tails straight as Mega Man.

Air Man stood with his back against a wall, spitting out hundreds of tornadoes.

“Destroying you will be a breeze, Mega Man!” he shouted.

Wow.  Just…wow.  How many things are wrong with this picture?  Granted, this is a preview of the action to come before the adventure even begins. Maybe the rest of the book is better, but still, I have to tear this apart.

First of all, AIR MAN IS NOT MADE OF CLOUDS!  Yes, the author said, “even though he was a robot,” but still.  C’mon, man!  All the robots are made of metal! Or maybe some sort of metallic material! And they don’t look like anything other than that material! The point is Air Man isn’t a cloud! He doesn’t look like a cloud! Everyone knows that Air Man eats clouds for breakfast and shits thunderstorms! I would hate to think what would happen if this author wrote a Final Fantasy VII novel. I can see it now…

Cloud jumped from the top of a rusty train in Sector 7, ready for action as Shinra soldiers donning blue armor and night vision goggles charged right at him.

But Cloud floated down gracefully with his purple uniform bought by his parent’s at the dollar store.  This was because Cloud’s parents were the clouds itself.  They don’t make much money and aren’t very bright, hence the name.

And while I enjoy an incredibly lame pun as much as the next man, I slapped my forehead when reading Air Man’s deadly threat.  I’m surprised Mega Man didn’t blow up immediately after hearing it from the sheer awfulness of that pun!

I’ll give the author credit for being creative, but I guess the point I was trying to make in the first place is this:  One of my pet peeves when video games are put in the hands of other entertainment mediums is the unnecessary changes that inevitably happen. Just describe Air Man as he appears! What I imagine is some cloud with a “gaping hole” awkwardly staring at Mega Man firing enough tornados to fill the entire screen! I guess if that were the case, the memetic “I Can’t Beat Air Man” song would actually make sense.

Return to Primary Ignition tomorrow for Part II, as Justin examines the book, awkward chapter by awkward chapter.