By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

In a rather drastic move, WWE has announced that Zack Ryder has a broken back after taking a chokeslam through the Raw set by Kane. He’s not really hurt, of course. Rumor has it the real reason Ryder was taken off TV is so he could film a project for the WWE network. Still, a broken back? Shawn Michaels legitimately broke his back in the late ’90s, and didn’t come back for over four years. Torrie Wilson retired from wrestling due to a back injury. Couldn’t they have just said he busted his ribs or hurt his shoulder? Why did they have to be so dramatic about the whole thing?

In any event, it’s probably better that Ryder’s off TV for a little while. While I’m extremely happy WWE is investing TV time in him, some of their creative decisions with him lately have been questionable, particularly when it comes to how closely he’s been linked to John Cena. Cena’s legitimate support of the “Ryder Revolution” has been invaluable in getting him noticed. But the way they’ve incorporated that into the product makes Ryder seem like Cena’s little buddy, and a man who’s not necessarily capable of fighting his own battles. Case in point: Several weeks ago Cena gave up a shot at the WWE Heavyweight Title so that Ryder could get a match for the United States Title. In subsequent weeks, whenever General Manager John Laurinaitis made a move designed to screw Ryder over, we saw Cena jump to his defense almost every time, instead of seeing Ryder do it himself. Then, when he finally did man up on Raw this past Monday, he got taken out. Top that off with Kane’s repeated assaults on the character, and Ryder really hasn’t been made to look very strong at all.

I understand that it doesn’t make much sense to make Ryder a big winner all of a sudden when he’s spent so much time losing in recent years. But if we’re going to make him into a babyface character, shouldn’t we at least establish that he’s capable of standing on his own two feet? With any luck, some time away from the limelight will benefit him, and he can come back stronger.

John Cena vs. Kane
This was a really well-conceived program, especially as we get closer to Cena’s match with The Rock at Wrestlemania. Kane is basically urging Cena to become a bad guy, just as a large portion of the WWE fan base have been doing for years now. But Cena refuses to change, he refuses to embrace the hate. It’s a cool instance of “art imitates life.” Despite Eve Torres’ bad acting, and Zack Ryder being relegated to sidekick status, I liked the general direction they were going with the story this past Monday. In a fit of emotion, Eve unjustifiably blamed Cena for Ryder’s injury. Then, just before commercial, we saw the rage boiling up inside Cena. That’s the reaction Kane’s been trying to get out of Cena for weeks, and the fact that he got it without having to lay a hand on Cena makes him look like a great manipulator. And we’ve seen many a wrestling hero turn heel after they’ve been blamed and ridiculed, but they feel they’ve done nothing wrong. So this just be the next step toward a turn to the dark side for Cena. Is that likely? No. But it’s not impossible.

But if it is going to happen, it won’t be at the Rumble. Cena will in fact “Rise Above Hate” on this night, or at least escape with his morals intact. But I’m anxious to see what’s next for him.

Rob’s Prediction: John Cena
Winner: Double Count Out

TRIPLE-THREAT STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Daniel Bryan (c) vs. The Big Show vs. Mark Henry

I never got the chance to say it after last months’ TLC show, so I’ll say it now: Daniel Bryan is a heavyweight champion in WWE. Well whaddaya know about that?

I like this match. In previous years, the matches on the Royal Rumble have been placed on the backburner or excessively shortened, as they’ve taken a backseat to the Rumble match itself. It’s hard to fit a triple threat steel cage match for the World Title in the background. What’s more, I like that we’ve got Daniel Bryan, a small man by wrestler standards, in there with two super heavyweights. It could make for a very interesting match. I’m going with Bryan on this one. While I’d be very surprised if he carries the belt into Wrestlemania, I think a win here would give him some of the credibility that he needs as champion. Let’s face it, before TLC he’d been losing more than he’d been winning. A victory here would help illustrate to casual fans what die-hard wrestling fans already know: That Bryan is more than worthy of competing at this level on the national stage.

Rob’s Prediction: Daniel Bryan
Winner: Daniel Bryan

WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH:
CM Punk (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
Guest Referee: John Laurinaitis

Punk and Ziggler have been knocking their televised matches out of the park, so I’m more than happy to see them wrestle at at a major pay per view. But good lord, can we PLEASE get John Laurinaitis off TV? Was I the only one looking at his face when he got hoisted up for Punk’s GTS on Monday? Any other performer would have done his best to look terrified. But Laurinaitis? No expression at all. Seriously, look at the photo. It’s pathetic.

Dolph Ziggler will likely be a heavyweight champion within the next 12 months, but the Rumble won’t be his night. I see Punk holding on to the title until Wrestlemania at least. The real question is, who’s he going to face that night in Miami?

Rob’s Prediction: CM Punk
Winner: CM Punk

2012 Royal Rumble Match
One of the many exciting elements about this match is how difficult it is to predict sometimes. Some years, there’s a clear favorite. Last year it was pretty obvious Alberto Del Rio was going to win. But this year it seems to be anybody’s ball game, and that makes for a really suspenseful match.

There haven’t been many official announcements in terms of entrants. From what I’ve seen, we know Sheamus, Wade Barrett, Santino Marella, The Miz and R-Truth are all in. As for the other 25 spots, just about anybody could fill them. The Rumble is notorious for having surprise entrants from yesteryear, so we’re bound to see at least one old friend pop up at some point during the night…

A lot of fans are pointing at Chris Jericho for the big win. Others are looking at Randy Orton, as the Rumble is in his home state this year. Both of those men would be perfectly acceptable winners. But I’ve got a different name in mind: Sheamus. WWE has been building Sheamus up as a babyface over the past several months, and it’s gone rather well. If all goes well, he’s could reach Orton or CM Punk’s level in terms of popularity. A Rumble win and a top spot at Wrestlemania would likely cement Sheamus’ spot as one of the pillars of WWE in 2012. For my money, Sheamus has as good a chance as anybody to be the last man standing.

Rob’s Prediction: Sheamus
Winner: Sheamus

Front page image from straightedgereport.com. Image 1 from ohwoooo.tumblr.com. Other images from WWE.com. 

By Justin Polak
Co-founder, Ambassador to the Mushroom Kingdom

I had this idea for a video floating in my head for awhile now. After a typical night of being an irresponsible adult by drinking too much, I woke up hung over. I had my laptop with me and decided to pass the time until I felt better by making a video tribute to Tidus, because we all know how well received the protagonist from Final Fantasy X was. Anyway, the small group of friends and acquaintances I showed seemed to enjoyed this, so I hope you do to!

Front page image from finalfantasypro.yolasite.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

The Joker on Christmas. Somehow, words like “Grinch” and “Scrooge” don’t quite cover it, do they?

As the holidays are about good will toward men, the sinister seem to become even more nasty and vile as they tarnish the warmth of the holidays with evil. And no one in pop culture is more sinister, nasty, vile or evil than The Joker. His Christmas hijinks have ranged from zany and outrageous to cruel and tragic. Leave it to the Harlequin of Hate to take all the joy out of Christmas…

With that in mind, we take a look back at some of The Joker’s best/worst holiday moments.

1. “Christmas With The Joker” (Batman: The Animated Series, November 13, 1992)

After Robin (Dick Grayson) convinces Batman to pack it in on Christmas Eve and watch It’s A Wonderful Life, our heroes are shocked to see that The Joker is airing a Christmas special of his own. The Clown Prince of Crime has kidnapped Commissioner Gordon, Harvey Bullock, and Summer Gleeson, and challenges Batman to save them. Along the way, the Dynamic Duo has to save an out-of-control train and stop a cannon from leveling the city, before finally breaking into Joker’s hideout at an abandoned toy factory.

While this was the 38th episode of Batman: The Animated Series to hit the airwaves, it was actually the second episode the creators produced. Thus, this episode shows a time when the show was still trying to find it’s identity, and that’s very evident as you’re watching. It actually comes off like an episode of the old Adam West TV show, especially when you listen to the dialogue between Batman and Robin. At one point, Batman has to destroy a bunch of remote control planes using a baseball bat, and Robin delivers perhaps the worst line in the show’s history: “They don’t call you Batman for nothing!” A lot of the animation is overdramatic, and Mark Hamill doesn’t quite have his Joker laugh down yet. But there are a few omens of the excellence that the show would later deliver. Kevin Conroy is as awesome as ever playing Batman, though his lines sometimes leave something to be desired. Perhaps the best moment in the episode comes with The Joker escapes from Arkham Asylum on a rocket-powered Christmas tree while singing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells. “All in all, not The Joker’s greatest Christmas outing, but it has a few bright moments.

2. “Chapter 3: Christmas” (Batman: The Long Halloween #3, February 1997)

As the “Holiday” killer continues to assassinate members of Carmine “The Roman” Falcone’s crime family, The Joker sticks his nose into things, looking to discover Holiday’s identity on his own. He accuses Falcone’s rival, Salvadore “The Boss” Maroni, of being Holiday. When Maroni points his finger at District Attorney Harvey Dent, Joker pays he and his wife a visit on Christmas at their brand new home. He beats Harvey up in front of his wife, whom he’s just brought home from the hospital, and tells him he wants to be the only homicidal maniac in Gotham. A short time later, he tells Falcone that the mob must kill Holiday, and threatens to kill all of Gotham if they don’t.

Getting your butt kicked on Christmas is bad enough, but getting your butt kicked in your new home in front of your wife is on a whole different level. It’s emasculating, it’s humiliating, and it’s a great bad guy moment for The Joker. No one dies, but no one needs to. He’s made his point at Harvey Dent’s expense.

3. “Endgame, Part 3: Sleep in Heavenly Peace” (Detective Comics #741, December 1999)

Everybody remembers The Joker murdering Robin (Jason Todd) in the famous A Death in the Family story. But for my money, this story has always blown the death of Jason Todd out of the water in terms of unadulturated evil.

At the finale of Batman: No Man’s Land, a story which saw Gotham closed off from the rest of the world after a massive Earthquake, The Joker kidnaps all of the babies left in the city and threatens to kill them. It’s his attempt at destroying hope in the city. During his kidnapping spree, he and his gang confront Huntress, who is protecting a church. After forcing a crazed cop to kill several of his partners, who are conveniently dressed as members of Joker’s gang, the Harlequin of Hate shoots Huntress several times, nearly killing her. Huntress is able to hold on until Batman and Nightwing rush to her rescue.

Later, as Batman and his comrades frantically search the city for Joker’s hideout, Commissioner Gordon’s wife Sarah, a cop herself, locates him in police headquarters. Joker drops one of the babies, and Sarah drops down to catch it. The Joker proceeds to shoot the now defenseless cop in the head, killing her instantly and leaving the babies laying in a pool of her blood. Somehow, Joker doesn’t find his actions funny anymore, and turns himself in.

I showed this story to my girlfriend awhile back, and it made her cry. That’s how much of a heartbreaker it is. It’s a great character moment for The Joker, as he once again attempts to trump sanity and hope with terror and chaos. Ultimately, he fails. Even a grief-stricken Jim Gordon refuses to budge from his moral code as a cop and kill the man who just murdered his wife. He opts to kneecap him instead. This moment brought No Man’s Land to a close with a strong message about perseverance and humanity’s will to survive, and made The Joker that much more twisted and terrifying.

4. “Slay Ride” (Detective Comics #826, December 2006)

A road trip with The Joker. Now THAT’s a story.

This Paul Dini/Don Kramer story quickly became a fan favorite, and it’s easy to see why. It sees The Joker kidnap Robin (Tim Drake) in a car, and run down as many innocents as he can while the Boy Wonder watches. We also see him attempt to order fast food, of all things, before Robin manages to get the upper hand and save himself.

This is a great story for a lot of reasons. Firstly, it plays up on the Jason Todd element, i.e. the fact that The Joker has killed Robin before, and is now in a position to do it again. Secondly, the premise is so simple. It’s our hero and our villain in a car. There isn’t even a big elaborate set up to it. Dini wastes no time getting to the good stuff. Third, it’s filled with classic Joker character moments. Whether he’s shooting the manager at a fast food restaurant because he can’t understand Joker’s order, or arguing with Robin over a Marx Bros. quote, it mixes the funny with the frightening, which has always been one of The Joker’s greatest qualities as a villain. 

5. Batman: Noel (November 2011)

Another home invasion on Christmas. Let’s hope this doesn’t become a new holiday tradition…

Released just last month, Lee Bermejo’s Batman: Noel  graphic novel presents the classic A Christmas Carol with a Batman universe twist. The Bob Cratchit character is a poor man who’s taken up working for The Joker in order to provide for his son. When he botches a job, The Joker comes after him looking for revenge. He breaks into Bob’s home, and proceeds to threaten him in front of his son before…well, go buy the book.

Noel isn’t really a Joker story per se, but he obviously plays an integral role in things. As I mentioned in my review of this book, Noel is a masterfully crafted story with amazing art, and fans of Bermejo’s work on the Joker graphic novel certainly won’t want to miss this one.

Front page image and image 4 from comicbookreflections.wordpress.com. Image 1 from furnettidcomics.com. Image 2 from thebatmanuniverse.com. Image 2 from jacksonbrooks.wordpress.com. Image 3 from toplessrobot.com. Image 5 from jokeruniverse.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

The big news from this past week is that after a near five month absence, Kane has returned with a new, yet familiar look. After more than eight years, he’s back under a mask. Unlike his old ones, this mask was molded to look like part of an actual human face, which is a nice tough. It also obviously includes a long wig, as “The Devil’s Favorite Demon” was bald the last time we saw him.

I think a decent percent of the fanbase has always preferred Kane as a masked wrestler (or at least the fans who were watching when Kane wore his mask). It does grant him a certain mystique that he lost without it. But I would argue that Kane was just as strong a presence without a mask, as we got to see what a good actor he was. It allowed him to be much more expressive. WWE has put Kane in some pretty hokey storylines over the years (Remember when he “impregnated” Lita, then forced her to marry him?), but they were hokey because they were cheesy, and at times in bad taste. It rarely had anything to do with Glen Jacobs’ performance as Kane, which has always been fantastic, in my opinion. He makes a very believable psychopath.

I hope WWE takes advantage of all the momentum Kane has gained from his reemergence with the mask. He’s proven before that he can be among the hottest commodities the company has. For a few weeks after he unmasked back in 2003, he was arguably the company’s biggest star. Uniformed security would walk him to the ring, and he’d be wearing these huge shackles. You believed this man was dangerous, and you tuned in to Raw each week to see what Kane was going to do next. But eventually Kane’s momentum tapered off, as it usually does. This character goes through periods where it’s extremely hot, and then simply fizzles out because creative apparently runs out of ideas. Hopefully, this can be a career high for Kane. He deserves it after all the hard work he’s put in over the years.

And now, let’s share some TLC, i.e. tables, ladders and chairs…

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH:
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Booker T

WWE wants Rhodes to have a win over a big name star, and Booker T is as viable a candidate as any. Plus, Booker was sitting right there at the announce desk, so he made sense for convenience’s sake. There wasn’t a pressing need for Booker to come back to the ring, but it’ll be good to see him in action. I suspect Booker will step into the ring every now and then, much like Jerry Lawler does on Raw. But there’s certainly no reason to make him the Intercontinental Champion, especially because Rhodes is on a bit of a hot streak right now.

Rob’s Prediction: Cody Rhodes
Winner: Cody Rhodes

UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH:
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Zack Ryder

Bottom line: It’s Zack Ryder’s time. Whether you like him or not, you can’t deny his popularity, particularly with the internet wrestling community. A win for Ryder here would help to elevate him to that next level, while at the same time freeing up Ziggler to hopefully slide into the main event picture soon. What WWE needs to be careful about though, is Ryder’s association with John Cena. This past week on Raw they had Cena give up his spot in a WWE Heavyweight Title match so that Ryder could get this US Title shot. Then later in the night, they had Cena help him out in a match against Mark Henry. Not only do they need to be careful not to portray Ryder as Cena’s pet project, but Ryder’s internet fanbase may turn on him if he’s so closely tied to Cena much longer. In any event, the time has come for the self-proclaimed “Internet Champion” to become the United States Champion as well.

Rob’s Prediction: Zack Ryder
Winner: Zack Ryder

TABLES MATCH:
Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

This is a tough one. In recent weeks, this program has seen Orton and Barrett trying to psyche each other out, costing each other matches. I haven’t really been a huge fan of the whole thing, but it puts Barrett over as a cunning, sneaky heel, so I get it. Since they’re going that route, I’m going to go ahead and pick Barrett on this one. Let’s have him be the slick weasel who continues to stay just a bit ahead of the viper. That way, when Orton finally does strike Barrett down, it’ll mean that much more.

Rob’s Prediction: Wade Barrett
Winner: Randy Orton

CHAIRS MATCH FOR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Mark Henry (c) vs. The Big Show

Much like there need not be multiple Hell in a Cell matches contested at the Hell in a Cell pay per view, much of the formatting for this TLC pay per view is needless. We don’t need to have a tables match, a ladder match, and God help me, a chairs match, all on this show. The only thing we need is one TLC match with all three. This chairs match feels like a silly obligation. Granted, John Cena and Wade Barrett were able to give us a pretty cool chair-related spot in such a match last year. But the whole thing feels needless, and not a suitable blow-off match for the Mark Henry/Big Show feud. As for Henry and Show, this match will have the same outcome the last two did: Henry walking out with the title. Henry hasn’t come off very dominant this past month, especially after losing to Zack Ryder this past week on Raw. So let’s hope this match helps him regain some of that aura.

Rob’s Prediction: Mark Henry
Winner: The Big Show
Current Champion: Daniel Bryan via Money in the Bank cash in

STIPULATION LADDER MATCH:
Triple H vs. Kevin Nash
A sledgehammer will hang from the rafters. The wrestler who gets the hammer can use it on his opponent.  

Who the heck booked this? Yes, the Triple H/Kevin Nash feud is worthy of a ladder match payoff. But whose idea was it to put Nash, a 52-year-old man who’s had multiple knee surgeries, in a ladder match? I’m not saying he can’t pull it off, or that the match won’t be good. It’s just surprising. I’m curious as to where this program is going to go if they continue it into next year. They could always bring Shawn Michaels and Sean Waltman in as supporting characters. But what kind of match are these two going to compete in to follow this one? A ladder match is typically what you end the program with, right? So what are they going to do next? A cage, maybe? Last Man Standing? Either way, I’m interested to see how this plays out. I’ll give it to Triple H, as it’s a sledgehammer match, and as we know hammers are kind of his thing.

Rob’s Prediction: Triple H
Winner: Triple H

TRIPLE THREAT TABLES, LADDERS AND CHAIRS MATCH FOR WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
CM Punk (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. The Miz

Thank God for The Miz, that’s all I can say. Nothing personal, but I’m completely over Del Rio’s presence in the WWE Title picture, at least for now. As I said last month, if WWE wanted a strong heel to work with Cena and Punk this past fall, Miz should have been their first choice. Del Rio’s character is far too one-dimensional, and he wasn’t ready to get the belt when he got it. I’m giving this match to Punk, under the assumption that he’s going to be the champion at Wrestlemania. Hopefully, he can work with Miz next month, work an Elimination Chamber match in February, and then that’ll get us to Wrestlemania. As for Del Rio, let him feud with an upper mid-card babyface for a little while. Let’s see if we can work on his character a bit more before we put him back into the title hunt.

Rob’s Prediction: CM Punk
Winner: CM Punk

What’s Missing?
- John Cena. Now HERE’s a name I never thought I’d put in this category. Somehow, WWE’s biggest star didn’t get a match at TLC. I’m sure he’ll be in the mix somehow, and might even be added to the WWE Title match at the last minute. But it’s somewhat puzzling that they’d leave him off the card, particularly if they’re trying to boost pay per view buyrates.
- Air Boom. A tag team ladder match with these two? Instant show-stealer. If only Evan Bourne had gotten back from his suspension sooner.

Front page image from buzzbox.com. Kane image from pwpix.net. All other images from WWE.com. 

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

If you’ve been watching WWE television lately, you know Twitter has become a larger part of the presentation. When a wrestler’s name appears on screen, his/her Twitter handle now appears underneath it. At the start of broadcasts, WWE now encourages fans to “follow the action on Twitter” with hashtags. If a WWE-related topic is trending worldwide, a little graphic will pop up on screen and the announcers will acknowledge it. It’s now to the point where wrestlers are talking about Twitter in their promos. When Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson made his big return this past week on Raw, he made a point to say that that #bootstoasses was now trending worldwide. Within moments, that was indeed the case. Several minutes later, he did it again with #cenasladyparts.

My feelings on Twitter’s heavier integration into the product is mixed. On one hand, it’s not like this is something specific to WWE. Networks are using official hashtags more and more for their major TV shows in order to generate buzz, and WWE’s use of Twitter is a logical extension of that. What The Rock did was also really cool. The fact that a someone on Raw can generate worldwide trends at a moments notice speaks volumes not only of that star’s power, but of WWE’s.

On the other hand, WWE needs to be careful not to overdo it. You want to encourage fans to follow the action on Twitter? That’s great. You want to do the trending graphs? That’s never been done before on a wrestling show, so go for it. But as far as wrestlers continuously talking about Twitter in their promos, that might be pushing it, especially if it’s more than once a night. While The Rock’s Twitter stunt came off very well, that same night John Laurinitis also made a point of talking about his Twitter page in a promo, and it came off contrived. Granted, every time Laurinitis gets on the mic it comes off contrived, but still. WWE doesn’t want to push Twitter too hard, or fans are going to start turning away from it. That would be a shame, because Twitter can be a great thing for WWE or any wrestling organization, not just from a PR/publicity standpoint, but because it makes the content more interactive. So long as the wrestlers behave themselves and don’t act like douchebags (I’m looking at you Kurt Angle and Matt Hardy), that can mean a lot. Zack Ryder alone is living proof of the power social media can have in the wrestling world.

Long story short: We get it, WWE. Your wrestlers have Twitter accounts, and that’s great. But don’t push it.

WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH:
Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Eve Torres

This is a tough one. The way I see it there are two directions to go here. The first one has Beth winning, and slowly but surely moving into a feud with her ally/tag team partner Natalya. The other has Eve winning, and doing the same thing with her partner Kelly Kelly. From a wrestling standpoint, a Beth Phoenix/Natalya program looks a lot better. But from a company standpoint, I feel like WWE would lean toward Kelly and Eve. It’s definitely a toss up…but I’m going to go with Beth. While these past few months have established her as someone who can indeed be beaten, she’s still a very strong champion who deserves to hold on to the title.

Rob’s Prediction: Beth Phoenix
Actual Winner: Beth Phoenix

TRADITIONAL SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH:
Randy Orton, Sheamus, Sin Cara, Kofi Kingston & Mason Ryan
Vs.
Wade Barrett, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & Hunico

Chances are if you’ve seen a Survivor Series, you know the rules here. Five men on each team, and each team member has to be eliminated one by one. The match goes until an entire team has been eliminated. These matches can be a lot of fun, and if given ample time they can create some great drama.

Matches like these are too big a wild card to predict who will actually be left on the winning team when the match is over, so I’ll simply hazard a guess at which team is going to pick up the win. I know I’m being a mark here, but is it just me, or does Orton’s team seem stronger than Barrett’s? Though he’s now entering a program with Orton, Barrett himself hasn’t had much momentum in the past few months. Jack Swagger, while a great wrestler, has become a joke lately. The strongest presence on the team is Dolph Ziggler, but he’s pulling double duty again this month, so his involvement in the match may be limited at best. All in all, I’m liking team Orton here. Because this is a team-ortiented match, I highly doubt a loss would hurt any individual on either team. This match is basically just for kicks, so let’s hope we get a few out of it.

Rob’s Prediction: Team Orton
Actual Winners: Team Barrett (Barrett and Rhodes survive)

UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH:
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. John Morrison

Are you serious, bro? Why is Morrison getting the title shot, and not Zack Ryder? WWE has been doing a storyline where Ryder is petitioning the fans to get a rematch against Ziggler for the title. If they’re drawing that story out to get Ryder the most signatures possible, that’s one thing. But Ryder’s from Long Island, and this event is in Madison Square Garden! It’s basically Ryder’s back yard. Fans are going to be chanting for him all night. Why not give him the match now and let him have a career moment?

But alas, Morrison has the match. There’s been a lot of talk lately about Morrison’s future with WWE and whether he’ll be sticking around. A pay per view championship match is definitely a good sign in that regard. But a title isn’t what Morrison needs to further his career. It’s a personality. Morrison was once thought to be the next break out main event star in WWE. Obviously that hasn’t happened, and that’s because when he turned face a few years ago, Morrison lost most of his charisma. He’s one of the most unique performers WWE has right now, but he needs to give the audience a reason to care about him, whether we’re cheering or booing. So sure, let’s put the US Title on JoMo. But it’s not going to help him. You know who it would help? Zack Ryder.

Rob’s Prediction: John Morrison
Actual Winner: Dolph Ziggler

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH:
Mark Henry (c) vs. The Big Show

The Big Show has about as much a chance of winning the title this month as he did last month at Vengeance. Which is to say he’s not going to win. Show’s job right now is to continue to build Mark Henry as an unstoppable terror of a champion who simply can’t be beaten, even by a towering giant. This way, when someone actually does beat Henry, it’s a huge deal. If it were up to me, I’d keep the belt on Henry at least until Wrestlemania. The longer his reign, the better the payoff. As for the match itself, I’m not expecting much. At Vengeance they recycled the spot Big Show did with Brock Lesnar several years ago when they staged a ring collapse after a superplex. Another stunt like that might be cool, but I wouldn’t expect much more from a performance standpoint.

Rob’s Prediction: Mark Henry
Actual Winner: The Big Show (by disqualification, thus Henry retains the title)

WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH:
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. CM Punk

Punk has done a better job with Del Rio than Cena did, but that’s not saying much in my opinion. Ironically, a few weeks ago Punk unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally, given the source) pointed out the reason for the staleness of the WWE Title picture lately: Del Rio is one dimensional. Despite his great look and wrestling ability, he’s still basically a Hispanic version of JBL. He wasn’t ready to get the title when he got it. For my money, if WWE wanted a strong heel champion they should have gone with The Miz, or even R-Truth. Del Rio simply needed more time to cook before being elevated to the position he’s in now. But as long as he’s there, let’s go ahead and get a little more mileage out of him. Let’s give Punk the shaft this month, and then we’ll come back next month and have him with the belt in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match.

Rob’s Prediction: Alberto Del Rio
Actual Winner: CM Punk

John Cena & The Rock vs. The Miz & R-Truth

Poor Miz. He keeps getting put next to John Cena and The Rock in these big pay per view matches, and as such is rendered completely irrelevant. First it was this past spring at Wrestlemania, now this. At least he’s got R-Truth with him this time, so he won’t be irrelevant AND lonely.

The sad thing is they shouldn’t be irrelevant, but they are. The story for this one was always going to be about whether Cena and Rocky could co-exist in a tag team environment. But if Miz and R-Truth had been booked a bit better, and been allowed to hang on to some of that heat they had a couple of months ago, the build up for this match would have been a lot better. Imagine the two of them coming out week after week and beating the crap out of some wrestlers with lead pipes, or whatever weapons they’d happen to be using. Then they’d take the mic and say: “Rock, Cena, we’re coming for you at Survivor Series!” Thus, there’d be some added tension to the Cena/Rock dynamic. If they don’t get along, they’ll be destroyed by these two merciless bad guys! Unfortunately, Miz and R-Truth have been left as the afterthought here. That’s a real shame.

I’ve got mixed feelings about The Rock wrestling before his big match with Cena this spring at Wrestlemania. I think one of the big selling points for that match was that if was going to be Rocky’s first match back in eight years. What would The Rock be like in the ring after such a long absence? Would he have lost a step? Would he be as good as he ever was? Would he be able to hang with Cena? Now, all that hype has been transferred to this match. Granted, this is Madison Square Garden, where The Rock made his WWE debut in November 1996 at this very event. It’s not necessarily uncalled for to have him wrestle. But it removes what would have been a very special ingredient in the Wrestlemania match. Here’s hoping they can  plug something in to make up for that.

For storyline purposes, I’d love to see Miz and R-Truth take this one, not only because it would vindicate them,  but because it would add more heat to the Cena/Rock feud. But because it’s Rock’s first match back in so long, and it is MSG, I don’t see him losing. That’s fair enough. This match can be dramatic whether Rock wins or loses. My big hope for this one is that they format it so that everyone involved can benefit.

Rob’s Prediction: John Cena & The Rock
Actual Winners: John Cena & The Rock

What’s Missing?
- Zack Ryder. I mentioned this above, but it’s really a crime not to have him on this show.
- Evan Bourne. A suspension via the WWE Wellness Policy has left Kofi Kingston without his tag team partner.

Front page image from wwehunks.com. Rock/Cena image from bleacherreport.com. All other images from WWE.com.

TITLE: The Flash: The Road To Flashpoint
AUTHOR: Geoff Johns
PENCILLERS: Francis Manapul, Scott Kolins
COLLECTS: The Flash #8-12
FORMAT: Hardcover
PUBLISHER: DC Comics
PRICE: $22.99
RELEASED: November 16, 2011

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I’m a bit confused as to why DC chose to publish this book.  It’s the lead-in to Flashpoint, the story that altered the timeline of the DC Universe. Thus, we now have a book that takes place in an old continuity, leading up to an event that takes place in an alternate timeline, which features characters who, in the current continuity, are either different or don’t exist altogether. On top of that it’s only five issues long, as opposed to the typical six or seven that usually make up a graphic novel. That’ll be $22.99!

Logistical complaints aside, The Road To Flashpoint isn’t so bad. It gives us the events leading up to the big chronological shift that caused the timeline to nosedive into chaos. We meet a new character called Hot Pursuit, a traveler from an alternate Earth who uses a motorcycle to tap into the Speed Force. He’s determined to stop what he deems to be a catastrophic shift in the timeline, without The Flash’s help. Meanwhile, Barry Allen’s family is growing concerned that he’s spending too much time on his heroics, and is avoiding something in his personal life which may or may not involve Kid Flash. But most importantly, The Reverse-Flash has escaped from Iron Heights, and he’s planning something that will change the world forever.

Geoff Johns’ regular Flash partner Francis Manapul tags out to Scott Kolins quite a bit in this book, which isn’t great, but it’s alright. Johns and Manapul have proven that when they’re on their game, they can be as good as any other creative team out there, but Kolins is no slouch. His art adorns the best part of this book, which is the look back at The Reverse-Flash’s origin story. We see how he has manipulated the time stream to alter events in his life and twist them to his own advantage. Johns does a great job portraying him as a twisted, psychotic madman.

It’s nice to see Barry and Bart get a chance to resolve the issues they have with one another, for which the seeds were placed way back in The Flash: Rebirth. Sadly, it won’t ever amount to anything, as these versions of the characters (presumably) won’t ever be working as a team again, given the reboot. But I appreciate Johns taking the time to tie up the loose end. The idea of Barry being “addicted” to the Speed Force is a bit of a stretch in my book, simply because he’s a superhero. In that position, it would certainly benefit one to have as much balance in their life as possible. But in the DCU there’s constantly someone trying to blow up the world or something. I actually found myself saying: “Quit nagging the guy! He’s got a lot on his plate!” Hot Pursuit is a decent character, and the idea of a speedster using a vehicle instead of his feet is mildly interesting. But again, don’t invest too much in him, as we likely won’t see him again for quite some time, if ever.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on this book simply because it happens to predate the new 52. It provides some fantastic insight into The Reverse-Flash’s character and sets up a few things going into Flashpoint, but in the grand scheme of things, did that warrant a $22 book? Probably not. The Road To Flashpoint is one of the few Geoff Johns books that doesn’t stand very well on it’s own.

RATING: 5/10

Front page image from comicartcommunity.com. Interior image from itsadansworld.blogspot.com.

TITLE: Jack and Jill
STARRING: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino
DIRECTOR: Dennis Dugan
STUDIO:  Happy Madison Productions, Columbia Pictures
RATED: PG
RUN TIME:  93 min
RELEASED: November 11, 2011

By Justin Polak
Co-founder, Ambassdor of the Mushroom Kingdom

Eric, the site founder and my friend wanted me to see this piece of shit. I refused. However, he was determined to have me watch Adam Sandler’s latest opus. Obviously, I watched this “movie” and saw it. Why? Eric was convinced that me seeing this waste of film would make a great Bottom of the Bottle feature. He even paid for my ticket. I just came from seeing this “film,” and I am still drunk. Eric doesn’t care. He wanted a Bottom of the Bottle review. He is a terrible friend. So here it is. I am so sorry, this review is already terribly written. I can’t help it. Jack and Jill was so poorly made, that I don’t even want to try.

Some of you may have read my rant on The Zookeeper a few months ago. That movie is a godsend compared to the travesty I have just seen. Look, I realize that Adam Sandler wasn’t aiming to win any Oscars, but seriously, even he could do better than this. Let me get this out of the way right now — I actually am not that annoyed by Adam Sandler movies. In fact, I enjoy Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Yeah, yeah…they aren’t great movies when compared to other comedies. Having said that, they at least made me laugh and care about the plights of the characters.

Flash forward years later, and Adam Sandler has finally cracked and gone the Eddie Murphy route. That’s right, he is playing more than one role in this “movie.” Hey! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY?! ADAM SANDLER IN DRAG!! Seriously, Jack and Jill are twins, and every aspect of this film relies on laughter coming from the fact that Adam Sandler is dressing is drag. That’s it. Some of you reading this might say, “Well, no shit!” However, at least my other Bottom of the Bottle reviews were covering movies that actually had something going on! At least they had effort!

So, regular Adam Sandler plays some sort of advertising asshole named Jack. Dunkin’ Donuts, one of Jack’s clients, wants Al Pacino to star in a commercial about Duncaccinos. It’s funny because it sounds like cappuccino…and Pacino! You get the joke? However, it is nearing Thanksgiving, and Jack’s annoying twin sister Jill is coming to visit!

I seriously wish I had something past this point, but there is no point. I could write about anything else in this space, and it would make no difference. Why? Because there is no real plot or continuity at all. The first main scene is this awkward dinner skit that spirals down into a tailspin quicker than the worst Saturday Night Live sketch of the last 15 years. I suppose that makes sense, because a lot of out of work or retired SNL members make pointless cameos throughout Jack and Jill.

Hey, Katie Holmes is in this movie. Did you know that? The entire time she wants to shoot herself. I’m not making a joke. You can clearly see the gun concealed at her waist the entire time. Seriously, the best joke this movie can come up with during this dinner sequence is that Jack’s adopted kid taped stuff to his body. Even if I was sober that shit would sound like I was drunk.

Okay, let’s pause for a second. You want to know how I knew this movie was going to suck besides the obvious? Not far from where Eric and I were sitting, a normal family was just a few seats down from us. They had three kids with them and a couple of them were getting unruly. The father’s solution? He threatened to kick the kids out of the theater and make them walk home. These people were laughing throughout this entire film.

There was barely anything that happened that was remotely funny. In fact, the theater I was in had way too many people as it is, and they were all laughing. See, I got pretty lit up before we went to the movie, and for some strange reason, the more it started to hit me, the more I wanted to fight every single person in the theater to death. I’m not kidding. Eric kept on telling me to chill out, but these fucking mouthbreathers were laughing at Adam Sandler in drag and I wanted to murder everyone in the room. I’m normally a peaceful person too!

Okay, I hear you. I’m not talking about the movie. I am just ranting. Well, what do you expect? This movie had one simple plot that only was focused on for 25 percent of the movie. Al Pacino, as himself, wanted to win the heart of Jill. I guess those of you out there who always wanted to see Adam Sandler and Al Pacino together finally got your wish. Anyway, Jack’s Mexican gardener wants Jill too, but all he does is make immigrant jokes. IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE SOME MEXICANS CROSS THE BORDER INTO THE US!

Anyway, Sandler tries to make the universe collapse on itself by dressing as Jill to convince Al Pacino to do the Duncan Donuts commercial. You see, Pacino wants Jill, but — SHOCKING SWERVE  — Jill doesn’t find Pacino appealing. Pacino told Jack he would do the commercial if Jack can hook him up with Jill. Since Jill won’t play ball, we get to see Adam Sandler pretend that he’s a woman…in a movie where  he is already pretending to be a woman.

This reminds me of why Danny Glover can’t ever open a glove box. Did that make sense? No? Good, then you get how I felt throughout this whole film.

Anyway, eventually Jack learns the value of family, and convinces Jill she should abort a vampire. The vampire swiftly flies out of her vagina and rapes everyone in the bar they are in at the end of the movie. Yeah, so I am making shit up, but I bet you really thought that happened. Seriously, I got nothing. I’m not being lazy. I swear…this movie gave me nothing to work with, so why should I even try?

Shit, even Rob Schneider didn’t want to be in the movie! His name was mentioned, but he was conspicuously absent. You know what? I bet he was supposed to be the fucking gardener. Seriously, it seems like in just about every Adam Sandler movie, or in his own movies, he plays some sort of minority because, you know, minorities are funny…I guess. Point is, ROB SCHNEIDER turned this movie down. Think about that.

So where was I? Oh yeah, don’t see this movie unless you want to be stuck in a dark room full of the stupidest people in this country. Seriously, I didn’t expect my theater to be as full as it was. I know I already mentioned all this, but the WHOLE THEATER was laughing. This wasn’t normal laughter. They were seriously laughing at characters making barnyard animal sounds. There was even a bum in this film that enters a scene, leaves, and is only heard from in quick cutaway gags here and there. And you know what? THEY ALL LAUGHED. Even the bum was bored of the very film he was in…and they laughed!

Fuck it. Hey, maybe the nukes should have all hit us in the ’80s, because at least films like these would have never been made! Oh, and the best part? You know that slurry, lispy voice Adam Sandler puts on for all of his characters? Yeah, that’s what his female twin sounds like. Even if you were born in 2005, this would be very old news.

Eric may have paid for the movie, but I feel like I lost two hours of my life. Yeah, you all have heard that punchline before, but I would have rather had my balls smashed into a fine liquid and forced to drink them than rather see a movie like this. Even if you thought about watching this movie you should be publicly executed.

Long story short, I didn’t like the movie. Don’t see it.

RATING: THEY ALL LAUGHED…WHY???/10

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I’m not digging all these pay per views being pumped out so quickly. I did my first set of predictions just over a month ago, and now I’m on my third. How WWE expects fans in this economy to pay for so many pay per views is beyond me. It’s no wonder buy rates are down so much. It just goes to show you that pay per views don’t mean anything anymore. They’re like heavyweight championships in that respect…

Obviously I’m cranky about wrestling right now. One of the reasons is a man named John Laurinaitis. WWE’s executive vice president of talent relations showed up on television shortly after CM Punk called him out in his now famous worked shoot promo a few months ago. Now, the former wrestler is being used more heavily in storylines as the interim general manager of Raw. This means he has to get on the mic and talk every week and play the role of match maker. Giving Laurinaitis a key role like that is a mistake on a several levels, chief among them are that he can’t act, and he’s got a raspy voice that’s difficult to understand. He hurts every segment or skit he’s in because he can’t hang with Triple H, John Cena or any of the wrestlers. So why give him such an important part on the show if he can’t put on a worthwhile performance? Is this simply the next chapter in the conspiracy storyline WWE is doing, or is it just bad planning? In any event, the “interim” title leaves hope that Lauranaitis will be off our televisions soon. For me, that moment can’t come soon enough. We’ve already had a bad actor with very few mic skills in the WWE spotlight. His name was Batista.

WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH:
Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Eve Torres

Eve Torres was the next logical opponent for Beth Phoenix after her program with Kelly Kelly ended. Torres is Kelly’s on-screen ally, and fits into that Barbie doll mold that Beth’s character hates. But the good thing about Torres is that she’s more athletically inclined than Kelly, and has a tendency to surprise you with how good she can be. That’s not to say I expect her to win, but this match will likely be a better sight than Beth’s matches with Kelly. Torres could potentially with the title next month, or perhaps in December. That would segue perfectly into Eve defending the title against Kelly at Royal Rumble, or even Wrestlemania. But I imagine Beth will hang on to it for a little while longer.

Rob’s Prediction: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
Air Boom (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger 

I don’t see Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne losing the titles. Ziggler and Swagger make a good team, but Air Boom has the potential to be something WWE hasn’t had in years: A tag team that has as much marketability as they have in-ring skills. They obviously don’t need to have the titles all the time in order to be successful, but why take them away now? They’re still ascending. They’ve already proven they can make the tag team titles mean something again. Let’s let them keep doing that.

Rob’s Prediction: Air Boom
WINNERS: Air Boom

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH:
Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Zack Ryder

I’m loving the fact that Zack Ryder has a title match on pay per view. It’s great to see him finally getting a measure of respect. I also dig the fact that Dolph Ziggler is performing in two title matches in the same night. It’s a nice little feature in his bleached cap. I’d LOVE to see Ryder take this match, but I don’t see it happening. As popular as Ryder is, WWE has been building toward a program between Ziggler and Mason Ryan, a near 300 pound musclehead from Wales who’s a dead ringer for Batista (Britista?). That sucks, because while Ryder’s not that big and he’s not always the best pure worker, he’s got a lot of personality and the fans are clearly into him. I’m going with Ziggler on this one, but I’m hoping I’m wrong.

Rob’s Prediction: Dolph Ziggler
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Christian vs. Sheamus
This match was filler last month and it’s still filler this month. I understand why it’s on the card, as WWE has put a lot of stock in Sheamus as a babyface, and it certainly behooves him to go against someone the caliber of Christian. But there’s a certain obligated feel about this whole program that I don’t like (more on that later). I’m going to go with Sheamus again this month, simply because it wouldn’t hurt to give him some more momentum.

Rob’s Prediction: Sheamus
Winner: Sheamus

Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes
Despite that really awkward fake laugh Rhodes did two weeks ago on Raw, I’m a big fan of this program. It gives Orton a much-needed break from the World Heavyweight Title picture, and allows Rhodes to share the spotlight with one of WWE’s golden boys. Orton is obviously a great wrestler, and Rhodes is very technically sound himself, so this match could be the dark horse to steal the show. I’m giving Orton the nod here, as he’s spent the last two months putting Mark Henry over. That’s not to say he wouldn’t survive putting Rhodes over, or wouldn’t be willing. But I don’t like the idea of Orton putting Rhodes over so quickly after getting his butt kicked by Mark Henry. Could Rhodes win their next pay perview match? Absolutely. But this one should go to Orton.

Rob’s Prediction: Randy Orton
Winner: Randy Orton

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH:
Mark Henry (c) vs. The Big Show

If you’d told me a year ago that not only would Mark Henry be World Champion, but that he’d be doing such a fine job with the title, I’d have laughed in your face. But here we are. Henry’s never going to be the best worker in the world, or the best talker for that matter. But what he’s doing right now is working. He’s damn sure a better champion than Alberto Del Rio. This match with The Big Show isn’t going to be pretty, as they’re both pretty slow workers. That’s not their fault, it’s just the way their built. But this is one of those matches we’re just going to have to…get through. With the role Henry’s been on lately, there’s no point in taking the belt off of him. Granted with the way WWE creative has been handling things lately, The Big Show could get the belt for no apparent reason. But I don’t see that happening.

Rob’s Prediction: Mark Henry
Winner: No Contest due to collapsed ring

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH FOR WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. John Cena

I’m completely over these two working together. Can we please make this their last match? That’s not to say they’re not solid in the ring together, but the whole thing seems obligatory and stale at this point. The fact that they weaved Jim Ross and Michael Cole into the story doesn’t do much to offset that mindset. These two have simply gone as far as they can go together and it’s time to move on. I’m now going under the assumption that Cena’s match with The Rock at Wrestlemania will not be for the title, so let’s just keep it on Del Rio and get on with our lives.

Rob’s Prediction: Alberto Del Rio
Winner: Alberto Del Rio

Triple H & CM Punk vs. The Miz & R-Truth
In spite of a few things, this is the match that sells the show from my perspective. Has WWE meaningfully capitalized on the idea of Triple H and CM Punk, who hated each other a few weeks ago, being forced to team up? No.  Did the story of the entire WWE roster walking out because a few guys (Miz and R-Truth mainly) attacked some wrestlers make any sense? No. Is i right that CM Punk, who has become one of the most over guys in the company, is basically taking a backseat to Triple H in this story? No. But the fact is all four of these guys have been hot lately, in contrast to Cena and Del Rio, who haven’t been. Miz & R-Truth have kept themselves fresh, the authority figure angle is an interesting role for Triple H to take on television, and CM Punk is…well, he’s CM Punk. I’m going with Triple H and Punk here. Hopefully we’ll see a bit of friction between them during the match, so they’re awesome program from just over a month ago will at least be referenced.

Rob’s Prediction: Triple H & CM Punk
Winners: The Miz & R-Truth

What’s Missing
There’s not a lot to complain about here. In spite of some stale storytelling, most of the wrestlers who should be here are. The one man who isn’t here that probably should be is John Morrison. But rumor has it he may be on his way out after WWE fired his slightly psychotic girlfriend Melina Perez.

The good news coming out of this show is not only do we have a few weeks to build to Survivor Series, but The Rock will be in the picture (albeit in a limited fashion until he actually gets in the ring at wrestles at the pay per view). Hopefully Rocky will be able to freshen things up on Raw in contrast to a product that has grown substantially stale in recent weeks.

Front page image from fanpop.com. Laurinaitis image from bleacherreport.com. Wrestler images from WWE.com. 

By John Flickinger
Staff Writer, Coffee Fiend

Innovative games tend to come in two varieties: hardware based games like Trauma Center and Wii Bowling that use elements like touch screens and motion controls to do things that had previously never been done, and games that are just plain clever and different unlike most of what is available.

Indie games like Crayon Physics and World of Goo fall into this category. One of the things that defined the Sega Dreamcast was having a catalog that included a lot of those “clever and different” titles that were innovative, in many cases ahead of their time, and for some, just plain weird. In any case they were loads of fun, and very memorable. This year marks the Dreamcast’s 12-year anniversary, it seems like a good time to reflect on some of the more innovative titles available for the Dreamcast.

Before delving into games, let’s take a look at the system itself, especially for the benefit of anyone who hasn’t seen one. The Dreamcast was released on 9/9/99,  which was pretty cool, or at least about as cool as a release date can be anyway. It was the first major 128-bit console, which means that at the time it had graphics unlike anything we had ever seen and was capable of things that no current generation console could do, like connect to the internet. In the late 1990s all that was available for most people was dial-up, and the Dreamcast’s built in 56k modem allowed for online play and it wasn’t anywhere near as robust as services like XBox Live and Playstation Network, but many games could be played online.

The Dreamcast also had connectivity with the Neo Geo Pocket Color through a link cable. Most of the games that supported this were SNK games, and the features were very limited, but it was an interesting idea.

Finally there’s the Dreamcast’s memory card. The “Visual Memory Unit” or VMU,  plugged into the controller. It had an LCD screen which was viewable through the controller and displayed graphics, animations, and helpful info while you played. When the Dreamcast was off the VMU could be used for other things. It had a D-Pad and two buttons which could play games downloaded onto it from Dreamcast titles. VMUs could also connect to other VMUs to copy save files which was useful if you needed to save but didn’t have enough free blocks on the card you wanted to use. Some games even had little apps the VMU could run, for example Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 let you use in-game points to purchase characters which would be unlocked the next time you played.

All these features are great, but hardware means nothing without a great line up to play on it, so let’s take a look at some titles.

Jet Grind Radio / Jet Set Radio Future
This was a game where graffiti taggers on roller blades skated around a fictional Japanese town spraying their tags on walls over their rivals’ graphics while avoiding the police all set to the soundtrack of a pirate radio station. Saying that it was “different” might be an understatement, but it was a lot of fun. It was one of the first cel-shaded games which gave it a very cartoony feel, and the only thing that came close to it’s gameplay style was it’s sequel Jet Set Radio Future. There were many playable characters and you had to prove your worth by doing some fancy skating to win challenges to impress these potential allies in order for them to join you and become playable. The rival gangs weren’t violent street gangs, but rather cartoony caricatures. The police used rubber bullets and tear gas, but were never out to kill, so it was pretty non-violent given the subject matter. Jet Grind Radio is without a doubt one of the most unique games released for the Dreamcast.

Shenmue
This was originally going to be a trilogy, but the third game was never released. When it came out it was one of the most detailed games ever made. Shenmue is a sandbox style RPG that takes place in 1980s Japan. You play the role of a teenager named Ryo who is on a mission to avenge his father’s death. Time passes, and days go on, but what you choose to do with those days is completely up to you. The weather changed with each day, and the game developers went out of their way to match the game’s weather with the actual forecast for that day in the 1980s. Day gradually turned into night and you could watch the whole transition take place which added to the realism.

On a given day Ryo could play with a kitten, talk to townspeople, play real emulated 1980s Sega arcade games, buy a soda, collect figurines, train to become a better fighter, or actually play detective and advance the plot. The fighting was very similar to Virtua Fighter, and whether you wanted to train or not was up to you. In fact whether you did anything or not was up to you, and the freedom was a fairly new experience given the lack of sandbox games at the time, let alone one where every detail was carefully created. You would reap the benefits or consequences of your actions and overall it was a very immersive experience.

Phantasy Star Online
PSO was a great departure from the rest of the Phantasy Star series, and it’s a lot of fun but quite honestly it’s bland by today’s standards, especially when compared to the newer games in the series. However being one of the first online RPGs for a console it’s pretty impressive. It has various classes and follows the standard hunter/gatherer “kill things to collect things so that you can kill more things” model which can be addictive albeit a little repetitive. It also had a single player campaign which consisted mostly of fetch quests and other tasks that have you going from point A to point B. In a nutshell this game is what the Phantasy Star Universe, and Phantasy Star Portable games were in their infancy.

Illbleed
This is a very different take on survival horror. You rely on your senses and use a set of goggles referred to as a “horror monitor” to find items and mark traps to disarm them. You need to take your time marking the traps so you don’t fall victim to them, and watch your adrenaline levels. As the name implies, you will bleed when you fail to avoid a trap, and the more you bleed the slower you can move. The items you collect are things like relaxation CDs to bring your adrenaline down, and health items to stop your bleeding. You also avoid enemies which is very common in survival horror games, but this is one of the few where the environments are just as scary as the enemies, if not scarier.

Crazy Taxi / Crazy Taxi 2
These were fairly popular arcade titles, and they have been re-released several times. For anyone unfamiliar with them, the Crazy Taxi games let you pick a cab driver, then pick up fares and drive them to their destination. By itself that may sound a little boring, but the faster you get them to their destinations the higher your fare will be, your taxi is completely indestructible, you can use speed boosts, “jump” high with hydraulics, and the city has things you can plow through with your taxi. Fueling the driving mayhem was a soundtrack with bands like The Offspring and Bad Religion that the re-releases don’t have, possibly due to licensing restrictions. There were also challenge modes and mini games to added to the replay value.

Typing of the Dead
One of the accessories the Dreamcast had was a keyboard which seemed like it was mainly used to aid communication in Phantasy Star Online. Typing of the Dead uses this keyboard, and the game is based off of the rail shooter House of the Dead 2. The difference is that instead of using a light gun to shoot at the zombies and other creatures that are trying to attack you, each enemy has a word over their head, and typing the word fires at them. Type correctly and you hit with every shot, but make a typo and you miss. Bosses have goofy words like “yummyumyuumyummyummy” or whole sentences full of puns and Sega references. This might be the only “M” rated typing tutor ever made.

Seaman
In 1998 Nintendo released Hey You Pikachu! a game where you use a microphone to interact with a Pikachu on the screen. Then a year later Seaman was released on the Dreamcast. You use a microphone to interact with a sea creature that has a creepy human face. Over time your creature evolves into something new. This really needs to be seen in order to be believed, but I must warn you, if you are inebriated in any way, please refrain from watching this video. It is the Japanese commercial, and it’s some serious nightmare fuel that cannot be unseen. Consider yourself warned.

ChuChu Rocket!
This was a puzzle game that didn’t use blocks, gems, crystals, interconnecting pieces, or any kind of pattern matching. Now there are loads of Flash puzzle games, tons of puzzle games for cell phones, and a massive casual games genre, which wasn’t the case in the 1990s. This game was about “ChuChus” or space mice, and as the name implies, you need to get the ChuChus to a rocket by placing arrow tiles down. You set your tiles then the ChuChus march in a line. When they hit a wall they turn right, when they hit an arrow they turn in the direction of the arrow, when they hit KapuKapus (space cats) or pits they die, and when they hit a rocket they win the stage. That’s about it, and it’s a very simplistic but enjoyable game. It also had an online mode and great multiplayer where a flood of ChuChus are released and up to 4 people place tiles down, with each player trying to lead the mice into their own rocket while preventing the other 3 players from doing so. There was a puzzle mode level editor, and Sega saved all of the levels that were uploaded online. Later on when ChuChu Rocket! was re-released for the Gameboy Advanced they included 2,500 user created levels. Talk about replay value.

The 2K Sports Games
EA didn’t support the Dreamcast with sports titles. That would have been a major blow for Sega had it not been for the first ever 2K games in the year 2000. Back then EA didn’t have exclusive rights to every sports license under the sun, and the 2K games would attempt to make a series of games that would directly compete with EA. The ambition was outrageous, but the fact that these games were actually able to hold up to franchises like Madden and NBA Live was very impressive. The graphics were more realistic due to the Dreamcast’s hardware, and the gameplay was solid. Some people would even go so far as to say that they surpassed their EA counterparts of the same year. They weren’t innovative in the sense that they were new types of games, but in a genre dominated by one company, they were certainly a breath of fresh air. One more thing worth noting was that these were some of the earliest sports games to be played online on a console thanks to the Dreamcast’s modem.

Space Channel 5
The rhythm genre was just starting to take off with games like Dance Dance Revolution, but this was before Frequency which also means that it was before Guitar Hero and Rock Band. There weren’t a lot of games being played with instruments, although the Dreamcast did have Samba de Amigo: a rhythm game played with a special set of maracas. Space Channel 5 was a different kind of rhythm game featuring Ulala, a space reporter who uses dance to mesmerize aliens, then shoots them in rythm. You mimic steps after you see them, and an example set would go something like “left, right, chu, chu, chu” where you hit the directions in rhythm, then “chu” shoots in time to zap the aliens. Ulala frees, and is accompanied by other characters including Space Michael who is based upon, and voiced by, Michael Jackson. It was another very unique Dreamcast title.

The Dreamcast was a great system, but unfortunately it didn’t last very long. The PS2, XBox, and Gamecube buried it in the marketplace. Nonetheless it had a lot of great games, far more than I could ever list here. That isn’t to say that it didn’t have shovelware titles, but the games that Sega published along with third party games like SoulCalibur and Street Fighter III were classics. Most of these games still hold up since the graphics are comparable to the Wii, and believe it or not you can still buy brand new VMUs on ebay. Really, if you love video games, do yourself a favor and hit ebay to pick up a Dreamcast if you don’t already own one. The games and accessories are fairly cheap, and there’s something for everybody. Just about everything listed here are family friendly without feeling like “kiddie” games. Despite the “M” rating, even Typing of the Dead and Illbleed are and closer to modern “T” rated games given the new level of realism that modern games have. It’s exciting when a new generation of consoles comes out because of the potential for new and innovative titles. Most of the time there are a few competing systems that each have unique titles on them, but for at least a little while the Dreamcast was the only system of it’s generation, and instead of just making sequels of successful Saturn games they came out with these incredibly unique games which is pretty amazing if you think about it.

Front page image from uni.edu. Image 1 from world-of-games.co.uk

By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I don’t have a problem with the fact that WWE has a pay per view named after the the Hell in a Cell match. Since the first cell match was held in 1997, the matches contested inside the steel structure have been the highlight of most of the shows they’ve been on. What I DO have a problem with, is WWE having more than one cell match on a given show. It’s unnecessary, redundant, and waters down the concept. You wouldn’t have, say, more than one Royal Rumble match on the January pay per view, right? So why is Hell in a Cell any different? It’s the same thing with the two Elimination Chamber matches on the February pay preview, and the two Money in the Bank ladder matches on the July show. WWE can make these gimmick matches mean more by limiting them to one a year. That way, the rivalry of whatever two (or in this case, three) wrestlers are put in the cell gets that special exclamation point, and we won’t ever need to put wrestlers in the cell out of obligation.

Okay, rant complete. I’m going to toss in a new element with this set of predictions. PI‘s resident librarian Lora Van Marel knows next to nothing about wrestling, but she’s still very opinionated about some of the wrestlers, as we learned in “Lora watches Smackdown.” Because I was interested, I asked Lora for her predictions on a few of these matches. She provided some interesting…insights? Actually, let’s just stick with “opinions.” That word works.

WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH:
Kelly Kelly (c) vs. Beth Phoenix

Can we just put the title on Beth, already? I don’t like that WWE has had Beth lose to Kelly on two straight pay per views. Did it make Kelly look like a stronger champion? Sure. But it also made Beth look weaker, and that’s really not what she needs if she and Natalya are going to continue to portray themselves as dominant divas. I understand WWE wants Kelly to be the poster girl for the women’s division (*gag*), but having her lose the title to Beth sets her up for a comeback story. In long run, Kelly is the one who will benefit the most from this story. But for her to benefit maximally, Beth has to have the upper hand at one point, and the time for that to happen is now.

Rob’s Prediction: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix

Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara
To an extent, this story was a matter of convenience. A few months ago, WWE suspended Luis Alvirde, the first man to play the masked Sin Cara character, via its Wellness Policy. For a time, Jorge Arias took his place. When Alvirde returned, Arias was given the role of the “imposter” Sin Cara, and a doppelganger feud began.

This angle hasn’t gone as well as I thought it would, primarily because neither Sin Cara (on the left in blue) nor his evil doppelganger can talk. Evil Sin Cara had a few lines of dialogue last Monday on Raw, but that was the extent of the verbiage. That’s not to say every angle needs extensive dialogue, but we don’t even know the original Sin Cara that well yet. The character has only been around since the spring. Both these guys are great hands in the ring, but now might not have been the best time to do the imposter storyline. Obviously it was a convenient time, but it might have helped to establish the Sin Cara character a bit more before going into this story. In any event, I expect the original to come out on top here.

Rob’s Prediction: Original Sin Cara
Winner: Original Sin Cara

Sheamus vs. Christian
This match is essentially filler. Granted, now that Christian isn’t in the World Heavyweight Title picture anymore, it makes sense to put him with Sheamus, who’s become one of  Smackdown‘s upper card good guys. But these two don’t have much of a track record at this point. Could this program become something bigger by next month’s Vengeance pay per view? Sure. But at this point, there’s not much at stake here from a story perspective. A win for Christian could extend this feud a few more weeks, but I see Sheamus coming out on top here. WWE may need to push him into the Heavyweight Title picture in the next few weeks, and a win over Christian would be a solid push in that direction. Plus, Christian’s character is such a whiner these days, he could always beg for and receive another match with Sheamus, which would also extend the feud. Either way, I expect a Sheamus victory.

Rob’s Prediction: Sheamus
Lora’s Prediction: “Is Christian someone’s best friend? (“Yes. He was Edge’s best friend.”) Then I want him to win. Sheamus is too pale, and his hair is just…ugh. Plus, his tights and his big boots make him look like a pale whore.”
Winner: Sheamus

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Mark Henry (c) vs. Randy Orton

Putting the title back on Randy Orton would certainly be the safe thing to do here. Given that he’s one of the company’s golden boys, Orton can take the World Heavyweight Title back on any given night. But frankly, I’m hoping WWE keeps the title on Henry for the time being. He’s surpassed a lot of my expectations over the past few months. He’s never going to be the best worker or the best talker, but he’s done a solid job of conveying himself as this frustrated, irate monster who’s capable of taking out anyone on any given night. That’s a lot better than some people (myself included) ever expected Mark Henry to do in WWE. They’ve already put the title on him, and he’s got the momentum going for him, so I say we let him keep the title for the time being. A Mark Henry win could potentially give Orton a much needed break from the title picture, and possibly allow Henry to further cement his spot as Smackdown‘s top heel.

Rob’s Prediction: Mark Henry
Lora’s Prediction: “Randy Orton. I feel like Mark Henry is too slow to be dangerous. Did you see him on Smackdown? He was too slow to even get in the ring before Randy attacked him. He’s like an upside down triangle with a head on it. He’s got a really big upper half, and really skinny legs.”
Winner: Mark Henry

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
John Cena (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Assuming WWE is building to a WWE Championship match between John Cena and The Rock at Wrestlemania next year, I see no reason why anyone but Cena should have the belt between now and then. This is especially the case because the title has been such a hot potato this year. Miz had it, then Cena had it, then Punk, then Cena, then Cena and Punk were both champions, then Punk was the only champion for about a minute, then Del Rio took it, now Cena has it back. Let’s just let him have it for awhile so we can build toward his match with The Rock in April.

That being said, this match should be the show stealer. To my knowledge, we’ve never had three men inside the Cell before, so it makes for an unique dynamic. All three of these guys are seasoned pros, and will likely put on a great show.

Rob’s Prediction: John Cena
Lora’s Prediction: “I don’t want Alberto Del Rio to win anything. He’s a douche, and every time he’s on TV I just want to change the channel. I feel like John Cena is too popular. He’s too obvious, and too weirdly shaped. He looks like an oversized munchkin. A lot of that is because of his jean shorts, which look like capri pants for men. They’re manpris. I like CM Punk. He’s the most down to Earth and the most normal. Plus, he’s not like the other wrestlers, because he actually wears pants out in the ring when he’s not wrestling. (He actually wears nylon shorts, but point taken).”
Winner: Alberto Del Rio

What’s Missing?
- The Miz and R-Truth. They’ve been off TV for a week because Triple H “fired” them, but they’re presence is definitely missed. I’d be surprised if we don’t see them pop up somewhere during the show.
- At only five matches, this card is fairly light. Granted, they only had two weeks to build to it. Rumor has it that Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne will be defending the tag team titles against Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger, but that’s not confirmed.

Front page image from fanpop.com. Match photos from WWE.com.