By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. At Least It’s Hot a Happy Madison Movie
Okay Rob Schneider, I want you to know that I tried. I really did. What’s more, I was on your side! I recognize that you’re actually a talented performer, in spite of some of the terrible movies you’ve been in. You can be the best actor or comedian in the world, but if the lines you’re given to say are bad, people are going to crap on you. And hey, for what it’s worth, The Hot Chick wasn’t SO bad. It wasn’t good at all, but it wasn’t terrible. Middle ground…

But this new CBS sitcom, Rob? It deserves to be crapped on. I take no joy in saying that, but I didn’t take much joy in watching it either. The premise of the show is that Schneider’s character (same first name) marries a younger Hispanic woman, and tries to fit in with her big family. It’s actually semi-autobiographical, as last year Schneider married a Hispanic television producer. Cheech Marin is in the cast as Rob’s father.

Rob comes off like something of a bad ensemble play (I would know, having been in a couple). Everybody’s trying hard, bless their hearts. But the content is so cliche it’s actually insulting. It’s filled with bad jokes about guacamole, border-hopping, sangria, mixed with some bad slapstick. For instance, there’s a scene where Rob is looking at a candle-lit memorial in the family’s home, and he manages to drop a lit candle on his crotch. He drops trou, only to have his wife’s grandmother walk in. She screams, and he winds up wrestling around with her a bit to try to quiet her down. In the process he winds up bending her over the bed. Just then, his wife and Cheech Marin walk in. His response: “There’s a simple explanation really. See…I poured hot wax on my genitals.” It’s the sort of stuff that might seem funny on paper, but in practice it’s very contrived an unnatural.

Interestingly enough, the premiere of Rob did very well from a ratings standpoint, with 13.5 million viewers. Granted, it had a lot of help from The Big Bang Theory, much drew much of the audience, who apparently stuck around for Schneider’s show. But now that they’ve had a taste of the show, I’m interested to see if they stick around. My guess? They’ll spit it out like dysentery-filled Mexican water.

2. New 52, New Logo
If there’s one company that’s been undergoing a bit of a re-branding in recent years, it’s DC Comics. In 2009, the publisher received a new parent company, DC Entertainment, designed to push its characters into the limelight a great deal more. This year the company began day-and-date digital publishing, which moved the market even further into the electronic age. It also pulled off it’s risky, yet so far effective, “New 52″ movement which revamped the continuity of all the superhero books. Now, DC has trademarked a new logo, making way for the second change to the image in less than a decade.

Any time a big company like DC changes their logo, you’re going to have people complaining. In 2005, when they changed the classic four-stars logo to the current single-star image, people cried fowl. I actually really like the current one. It’s a nice extension of the previous logos. But even as someone who tries to avoid being jaded about stuff like this, this new logo is pretty bland. So it’s peeled up, like a page in a comic book. I get it. It’s still bland and boring, but I get it.

Will it make or break the company either way? Of course not. But it’d be nice for DC to have a logo that reflects the vibrance and excitement that readers often find in its content. From this one you’d think they were trying to sell us office supplies.

3. Mr. Evil Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It…
I have a bone to pick with doctors. No, not medical doctors. That’s another story for another day. I’m talking about academic doctors. Specifically, the kind who never went to proctology school, but probably should have, as they seem to have something rather large jammed up their anal cavity.

Last week, I went to see a professor at the university I attend on a part-time basis. I’m not in a class with this individual, but I needed his signature on a document. I’d never met him before, but our exchanges had been pleasant, and for the most part this one was too. But there was one small exchange that has been nagging at me .

When I arrived at his office, I stuck my head in, knocked on his door and said: “Mr. [Name]?”

He looks up at me and says: “Dr. [Name]. Yes?”

That’s it. That’s all that’s bugging me. The fact that he corrected me when I called him Mr. [Name] instead of Dr. [Name].” This has happened to me before, too. I once had a professor make a point out to me in an email that his official title was “Doctor,” and that I should refer to him as such.

Look, I get it. You went to school for a long time, and worked very hard. My brother’s working on his doctorate right now, so I’m sort of in tune with it. But you some of you academic doctors out there need to understand that when somebody doesn’t refer to you by that title, they’re not disrespecting you. When we’re addressing someone formally, usually our instinct is to go with Mr. or Mrs. It’s just a habit. Heck, a lot of folks simply speak to people on a first name basis, so feel lucky if we’re addressing you formally at all! Yes, I’m sure it’s cool to put the word “Doctor” in front of your name. But if you force the issue it can make you seem smug or uppity, which you may not be at all. I’d have thought that someone who had acquired such a large base of knowledge would have figured that out…

Just give me a pass the first two or three times you see me, okay? Spend enough time with me so that I can at least figure out that you have a doctorate before you start correcting me. That’s all I’m asking.

Front page image from nydailynews.com. Image 1 from washingtonpost.com. Image 2 from bleedingcool.com. Image 3 from atheistconnect.org.