By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

1. Abort Mission
Bumper stickers are a funny concept to me. The other day I was driving behind someone with a sticker that said: “Abortion – The Ultimate Child Abuse.” This struck me as odd, mostly because I didn’t realize we were ranking forms of child abuse nowadays. But also, what am I supposed to do with that statement? Is it meant to inspire an epiphany in the middle of the road? “Yeesh, this traffic really sucks…DUDE! That sticker’s right! Abortion is terrible! I’m going to grab a sign and start one of those incredibly uncomfortable street corner protests!

I’m not here to comment on the endless pro choice vs. pro life debate, but is there anything more awkward than one of those street corner abortion protests? From where I stand it’s the same principle as a bumper sticker. Why would you try and convey a message like that while people are zooming past you at 50 miles an hours? That’s like me trying to distribute free cupcake samples to the drivers at the Indy 500. I just want to get to Wendy’s, pal. Dead babies have nothing to do with Wendy’s…do they?

Of course, if text signs don’t work, you can always go the photo route. I’ll never forget driving down a major road and seeing a said that read: “Warning. Graphic abortion photos ahead.” Moments later, I drove by several protestors carrying blown up images of partial birth fetuses. I was shocked, and I don’t shock easily. That’s a good way to get somebody to lose their lunch.

The best one I ever saw was outside a Burlington Coat Factory. The protestors had all the usual signs condemning abortion, bringing religion into it, etc.. But next to them was someone who to say the least did not belong: Elmo. That’s right, the little red guy who hogs all the air time on Sesame Street. Amongst all these determined, straight-faced protestors holding up their angry signs was a man in an Elmo suit, holding up his own sign that said: “Burlington Coat Factory.” Yep, that’s what all protestors need to legitimize their operation, a muppet and some advertising space. If those folks down on Wall Street had Kermit, Miss Piggy and the gang with them, they could tie it into The Muppets and make a ton of money.

The ironic thing about all of this? People don’t even read bumper stickers or signs when they drive. They read text messages.

2. Hooded Hero
What’s the deal with Robin’s hood in Batman: Arkham City? This is one of the few complaints I have about that game. Being a comic book character and wearing a hood are two choices that are downright suicidal when you put them together, in my opinion. This goes for not only Robin, but Dr. Doom, Green Arrow, everybody.

As Frank Miller and Jim Lee showed us in All Star Batman & Robin, any thug with half a brain would simply grab the hood and yank if down over your head. Is this really what you want when you’re facing maniacal clowns and portly umbrella-carrying gangsters?

Would a hood also mess with your peripherals? How are you supposed to see if somebody’s attacking you from the side? And couldn’t it potentially muffle your hearing? This whole hood thing is a tragedy waiting to happen! Who does Robin think he is? Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Robin has clearly forgotten that all superheroes need to do in order to keep their identity a secret is wear a simple domino mask that covers their eyes, leaving most of their facial features exposed.

Front page and Robin image from batman.wikia.com. Bumper sticker image from tmgcustommedia.com.