By Rob Siebert
Editor, Fanboy Wonder

I don’t have a problem with the fact that WWE has a pay per view named after the the Hell in a Cell match. Since the first cell match was held in 1997, the matches contested inside the steel structure have been the highlight of most of the shows they’ve been on. What I DO have a problem with, is WWE having more than one cell match on a given show. It’s unnecessary, redundant, and waters down the concept. You wouldn’t have, say, more than one Royal Rumble match on the January pay per view, right? So why is Hell in a Cell any different? It’s the same thing with the two Elimination Chamber matches on the February pay preview, and the two Money in the Bank ladder matches on the July show. WWE can make these gimmick matches mean more by limiting them to one a year. That way, the rivalry of whatever two (or in this case, three) wrestlers are put in the cell gets that special exclamation point, and we won’t ever need to put wrestlers in the cell out of obligation.

Okay, rant complete. I’m going to toss in a new element with this set of predictions. PI‘s resident librarian Lora Van Marel knows next to nothing about wrestling, but she’s still very opinionated about some of the wrestlers, as we learned in “Lora watches Smackdown.” Because I was interested, I asked Lora for her predictions on a few of these matches. She provided some interesting…insights? Actually, let’s just stick with “opinions.” That word works.

WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH:
Kelly Kelly (c) vs. Beth Phoenix

Can we just put the title on Beth, already? I don’t like that WWE has had Beth lose to Kelly on two straight pay per views. Did it make Kelly look like a stronger champion? Sure. But it also made Beth look weaker, and that’s really not what she needs if she and Natalya are going to continue to portray themselves as dominant divas. I understand WWE wants Kelly to be the poster girl for the women’s division (*gag*), but having her lose the title to Beth sets her up for a comeback story. In long run, Kelly is the one who will benefit the most from this story. But for her to benefit maximally, Beth has to have the upper hand at one point, and the time for that to happen is now.

Rob’s Prediction: Beth Phoenix
Winner: Beth Phoenix

Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara
To an extent, this story was a matter of convenience. A few months ago, WWE suspended Luis Alvirde, the first man to play the masked Sin Cara character, via its Wellness Policy. For a time, Jorge Arias took his place. When Alvirde returned, Arias was given the role of the “imposter” Sin Cara, and a doppelganger feud began.

This angle hasn’t gone as well as I thought it would, primarily because neither Sin Cara (on the left in blue) nor his evil doppelganger can talk. Evil Sin Cara had a few lines of dialogue last Monday on Raw, but that was the extent of the verbiage. That’s not to say every angle needs extensive dialogue, but we don’t even know the original Sin Cara that well yet. The character has only been around since the spring. Both these guys are great hands in the ring, but now might not have been the best time to do the imposter storyline. Obviously it was a convenient time, but it might have helped to establish the Sin Cara character a bit more before going into this story. In any event, I expect the original to come out on top here.

Rob’s Prediction: Original Sin Cara
Winner: Original Sin Cara

Sheamus vs. Christian
This match is essentially filler. Granted, now that Christian isn’t in the World Heavyweight Title picture anymore, it makes sense to put him with Sheamus, who’s become one of  Smackdown‘s upper card good guys. But these two don’t have much of a track record at this point. Could this program become something bigger by next month’s Vengeance pay per view? Sure. But at this point, there’s not much at stake here from a story perspective. A win for Christian could extend this feud a few more weeks, but I see Sheamus coming out on top here. WWE may need to push him into the Heavyweight Title picture in the next few weeks, and a win over Christian would be a solid push in that direction. Plus, Christian’s character is such a whiner these days, he could always beg for and receive another match with Sheamus, which would also extend the feud. Either way, I expect a Sheamus victory.

Rob’s Prediction: Sheamus
Lora’s Prediction: “Is Christian someone’s best friend? (“Yes. He was Edge’s best friend.”) Then I want him to win. Sheamus is too pale, and his hair is just…ugh. Plus, his tights and his big boots make him look like a pale whore.”
Winner: Sheamus

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
Mark Henry (c) vs. Randy Orton

Putting the title back on Randy Orton would certainly be the safe thing to do here. Given that he’s one of the company’s golden boys, Orton can take the World Heavyweight Title back on any given night. But frankly, I’m hoping WWE keeps the title on Henry for the time being. He’s surpassed a lot of my expectations over the past few months. He’s never going to be the best worker or the best talker, but he’s done a solid job of conveying himself as this frustrated, irate monster who’s capable of taking out anyone on any given night. That’s a lot better than some people (myself included) ever expected Mark Henry to do in WWE. They’ve already put the title on him, and he’s got the momentum going for him, so I say we let him keep the title for the time being. A Mark Henry win could potentially give Orton a much needed break from the title picture, and possibly allow Henry to further cement his spot as Smackdown‘s top heel.

Rob’s Prediction: Mark Henry
Lora’s Prediction: “Randy Orton. I feel like Mark Henry is too slow to be dangerous. Did you see him on Smackdown? He was too slow to even get in the ring before Randy attacked him. He’s like an upside down triangle with a head on it. He’s got a really big upper half, and really skinny legs.”
Winner: Mark Henry

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR WWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
John Cena (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Assuming WWE is building to a WWE Championship match between John Cena and The Rock at Wrestlemania next year, I see no reason why anyone but Cena should have the belt between now and then. This is especially the case because the title has been such a hot potato this year. Miz had it, then Cena had it, then Punk, then Cena, then Cena and Punk were both champions, then Punk was the only champion for about a minute, then Del Rio took it, now Cena has it back. Let’s just let him have it for awhile so we can build toward his match with The Rock in April.

That being said, this match should be the show stealer. To my knowledge, we’ve never had three men inside the Cell before, so it makes for an unique dynamic. All three of these guys are seasoned pros, and will likely put on a great show.

Rob’s Prediction: John Cena
Lora’s Prediction: “I don’t want Alberto Del Rio to win anything. He’s a douche, and every time he’s on TV I just want to change the channel. I feel like John Cena is too popular. He’s too obvious, and too weirdly shaped. He looks like an oversized munchkin. A lot of that is because of his jean shorts, which look like capri pants for men. They’re manpris. I like CM Punk. He’s the most down to Earth and the most normal. Plus, he’s not like the other wrestlers, because he actually wears pants out in the ring when he’s not wrestling. (He actually wears nylon shorts, but point taken).”
Winner: Alberto Del Rio

What’s Missing?
- The Miz and R-Truth. They’ve been off TV for a week because Triple H “fired” them, but they’re presence is definitely missed. I’d be surprised if we don’t see them pop up somewhere during the show.
- At only five matches, this card is fairly light. Granted, they only had two weeks to build to it. Rumor has it that Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne will be defending the tag team titles against Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger, but that’s not confirmed.

Front page image from fanpop.com. Match photos from WWE.com.