Photo from dailymail.co.uk.

By Kevin Kenealy
Staff Writer, Nightmare Fuel Provider

Imagine entering a class as a second grader eager to meet your teacher, only to find out that she is a robot. Sadly, this isn’t a bad TV show. This is South Korea in 2011.

A recent article in PC Magazine reveals that South Korean schools are testing 29 robots to teach English to elementary school children in the southeastern city of Daegu.

I imagine the introduction going something like this: “I’m your teacher class. My name is Engkey [name of the robots]. Never mind that I’m a 3.3 ft. tall white bowling ball with a TV screen at the top with an avatar face of a Caucasian woman. I’m just like any other teacher you’ve ever had before.”

The robots come pre-installed with software that includes songs and alphabet games. They can also read books, and for some reason, can dance along to music by bobbing its head and moving flipper-like arms.

While Engkey may be physically teaching the class, Engkey is controlled by English teachers in the Philippines who can actually see and hear the students – and if you say that sounds like the role of spies and not teachers, I would agree.

Education officials in South Korea said the robots might actually be more effective than human teachers. According to Kim Mi-Young, a Daegu city education office official, the robots may be upgraded and be brought on as remote instructors full-time. Yet she says this is not an attempt to replace human teachers.

Mi-Young went on to say, “The kids seemed to love it since the robots look, well, cute and interesting. But some adults have also expressed interest, saying they may feel less nervous talking to robots than a real person.”

Nice that she says they won’t replace human teachers. Let me just shine some light on what you said there Ms. Mi-Young; by adding robots full-time, you are in effect, replacing human teachers. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.

And how many people did you talk to when you said the kids loved it and the adults expressed interest? If an adult working in a school has an easier time talking to a robot that is controlled by strange people in the Philippines, than that says a lot about the social skills about the adults in that school.

Photo from technabob.com.

This idea is a ridiculous one, but unfortunately is one that I wouldn’t doubt would make its way to the U.S. The way we cut education funding and lay off our teachers here, it would be a convenient fix to hiring a person to do a robot’s job.

We all want our children to grow up the same anyway. We want them to filter through No Child Let Behind, stress about the SAT and ACT, go to college to get a degree and then when we ask them what they went to school for, they’ll spit back what their major is and how that will help them get a job.

Robot teachers would be the perfect next step to filtering out an assembly line of students who all think alike. Hopefully a rebellious student acts out and pushes the robot teacher over so the students will find something familiar to their childhood toys: “Made in South Korea” or “Made in Taiwan.”

Wake up South Korea! Wake up United States! Watch Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” video and you’ll find it’s not too far from the truth. And in case that day does come with robot teachers in U.S. classrooms, it’s up to the students to go Office Space on those silly flipper-like arm dancing, avatar faced excuses for education.

Front page photo from dailymail.co.uk.

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